The cliches are firmly fixed in our minds: I say propose, you imagine a man (romantic restaurant?) on one knee, the girl in tears of joy and bystanders clapping.  I say unique proposal, you think a baseball stadium announcement, a champagne glass or the simple little, black velvet box.  It is time to rethink our stereotypes, and even our roles.  Women want equal pay, equal rights and equal housework division, so why shouldn’t it follow with women doing the chasing and romancing, which includes the dreaded proposal?

The History of Proposals:

We seem to forget that a relatively short time ago, women had dowry’s to lure prospective grooms in.  The money was given to the man only after the wedding, to make sure he followed through.  Yes, there were a few cases of men paying women for titles through marriage, but generally the practice was only for women.  Then came the tradition of the wedding ring, which was designating the woman ‘belonged’ to a man.  The men usually wore no ring.  The dual engagement-wedding ring (diamond’s are a girl’s best friend)  and the father ‘giving’ the bride away are fairly new.  The idea that the man has to ask for a woman’s hand, that he should spend a minimum of 2 months’ salary on a ring, and that he should make the entire process memorable is part of our new mythology.

Are Women Sexist?

When it comes to proposing, there are two camps.  The larger camp is the one that wants to have everything equal in the home, at work and in the relationship- but still has old-fashioned ideas when it comes to the process of engagement and marriage.  Why is this?  Historically, it may have made sense- but now, why does it have to be the man’s role?  Why does he have to struggle with the financial part of getting a ring on his own, with asking- with taking a 50-50 chance of getting a ‘NO’?  The pressure falls on men completely, though hopefully it looks as if things are starting to change.

Asking Him, For a Change:

There is a new trend that’s catching on:  women are buying engagement rings for their partners and popping the question to the men.  The equality issue is one natural progression of this balance.  The other is that with couples getting married later and later in life, some women are getting antsy.  And if he’s not going to do it, she’ll do it for him.  The company that sells men’s engagement rings, called the Tioro ring, says their sales have skyrocketed recently.  The ring is a modest $120 (hey ladies, where’s the equality in 2 months’ salary…?) and is a discreet platinum band.  The smaller camp of people that aren’t traditional in their views of proposing say that it shouldn’t be such a taboo.  If two people are together, it doesn’t matter who asks who, does it?

Strangely enough, many of the people against the women-proposing were men.  It’s somehow emasculating to them to have that particular traditional role taken away.  One man went so far as to say “If my girlfriend proposed, I’d say no.  And then I’d eventually break up with her.  I’m the man in the relationship.”  With such open-mindedness, the new men’s engagement ring is sure to catch on.