Is it true that half of all marriages end it divorce?

In the United States, one out of two marriages ends in divorce. That is like saying that if the bottom half of your body is in boiling water and the top half is encased in ice, on average, you are pretty comfortable. It is true that statistically there is one divorce for every two marriages but it should be noted that while many people never divorce, others divorce two, three or more times in their lifetime. Such “recidivists” provide constant employment for the divorce lawyer.

How long does the average marriage last?

There is no such thing as an “average” marriage. Some marriages end within less than a year. Those are probably marriages that were ill conceived, never really got off the ground and the parties decide to “cut their losses” early.

A classic time for ending a marriage is at the so-called “empty nest” time – about 20-25 years into the marriage. This is when a couple finds they have accomplished their goals, bought a house, raised children, achieved career success and now find they no longer share goals.

An emerging trend is the “third act” divorce. This may be a couple who has been married 30, 40 or more years. In times past, such couples merely went off into the sunset resigned to being unhappy. Now that Americans are living much longer they decide there is still time to revise their “third act” and move on. Often such couples want to end the marriage as friends but want to pursue their separate interests.

What are the trends in custody of the children?

The most important trend is that the term “custody” is losing favor. The term “parenting plan” is more often used as the term custody tends to define children as property. Similarly many family law professionals are avoiding terms such as “visitation” the idea being that you do not visit your own children. “Joint parenting” is an emerging trend. Joint parenting does not necessarily mean a 50/50 arrangement. It means both parents are involved in the decision making regarding the children. Under such an arrangement the children may live primarily with one parent, share time equally with each parent or even alternate primary residence depending on developmental stage and gender.

Divorcing parents in many jurisdictions are now required to attend parenting classes before a divorce can be finalized. This requirement underscores the courts’ determination to encourage parents to put the children’s best interest first. Full out “custody battles” are increasingly discouraged. Often mental health professionals become involved or the court appoints a professional to represent the best interests of the children. Most judges will not allow children to testify either in court or in private in the judges office.

When is the best time to involve an attorney in the divorce process?

The earlier the better. It should not be considered to be a hostile act to consult an attorney if one is merely contemplating dissolving a marriage. More information leads to better decision making. There may be questions about the economic impact, disposition of property and concerns about the children. Most family law attorneys offer a low cost or no cost consultation. An ethical attorney will carefully listen to your concerns and will not propel you into action before you are ready.

The divorce “shark” is becoming a dinosaur. Many family law attorneys are moving away from the adversarial process of years past and seek alternative dispute resolution. Negotiation, mediation and collaborative law are growing trends. Such an attorney will still offer strong advocacy for the client but in a less inflammatory environment.