Worrying about making the same mistakes over and over again? Here’s how to recognize re-current destructive relationship patterns so that you can avoid making the same mistake again and again.

• OK. Last time his name was Bob and this time it’s Pete, but is he really a different guy for you?
• Be honest with yourself. He may have a different name and do different work, but are the patterns the same?
• Is he emotionally unavailable? Do you continually do the apart-together dance?

   2.  You hear yourself complaining about the same things over and over again.

• Are YOU getting tired of hearing your story?
• If you are finally bored. this is a firm indicator that the time to move on is near.
• Subject and verb merge into blah, blah, blah as the same drama continually unfolds.

  3.  You talk to others to gain consensus for your point of view.

• Regardless of how many times you do the same thing, you still feel insecure.
• You constantly need others to support your point of view.
• You know exactly who to call and who not to call and anyone who disagrees with your point of view is taken off your calling list.

  4.  You make excuses for dysfunctional and abusive behavior.

• You have become a master at rationalization, or TRASHtionalization.
• The majority of time, you live in your head, making excuses, because living in your heart is too painful.
• You need to be brave enough to bear the pain of the truth – You are miserable. 

  5.  You never think any of it is your fault and feel like a victim.

• This is the worst part of it – you have become a victim and are stripped of all your power. Actually, you have given your power away (unconsciously) and do not realize you have the power to take it back as well (consciously).
• You MUST take responsibility for the situation you are in, whether or not you can make sense out of it. This is your life, unfolding before you, and if you want it to be different, you have to do something about it.
• There is nothing more powerful than taking your power back (but first, you must be honest, and know you have given it away). The minute you acknowledge you have given it away, you are no longer a victim, and are now in a position to re-claim it.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.