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You Think You Know the ‘Other Woman?’ Think Again | Bizzy Women

You Think You Know the ‘Other Woman?’ Think Again

Being cheated on sucks, no holds barred. But what is the reality? What does or did she have, that you didn’t? How did you lack? Did you lack, or was she this evil entity that ruined your relationship with nary a thought, only fixating on your man because she couldn’t get her own? Is she a sly dog that crept up, and preyed upon him, when you were having problems? When he was vulnerable? Ha. Keep telling yourselves that, ladies. Keep creating a witch, instead of dealing with the fact you stopped meeting his needs and someone else started fulfilling them.

How lazy did you get in the relationship? It’s a little funny, that you’re the victim…when you might have been pushing him away into someone else’s arms, and then you get high and mighty. How dare she??? How dare you ignore him. How dare you feel so insulted, when all you’ve done in recent months is minimize and belittle him. It’s no wonder he sought comfort- you are fully culpable. You need to take responsibility for the situation, too. A relationship is two people, not you constantly being placated and catered to- at his expense. You give nothing, you get nothing. And ’she’ gets the good bits.

That’s the part that really makes you angry, isn’t it? That she fulfills him in a way you never could. That you wouldn’t dream of doing. It doesn’t have to be sexual- most cheating that happens is based on emotional fulfillment. Not physical. You pushed him away, with the security he’d always be there…and now? Keep pushing, you’ll end up in divorce court. With bells on. Playing the injured party can only go so far. Because, scientifically and statistically, it’s impossible for so many men to be such bastards. You created the situation, and now you’re looking for a scapegoat to make yourself feel better.

The Other Woman

Who is she, exactly? Most women would have us all believe that she’s a sniping, vindictive cow that attacked him at his weakest point. That the Other woman doesn’t love him, she’s using him. She plotted, days months or years to get him and steal him away from his loving wife and family. Do you see it now? When it’s written, it looks ridiculous. Because it is. It’s pretty unbelievable that society condones the behavior of the ‘wronged wife,’ but doesn’t allow for how the wife contributed to the demise of the marriage. After having no or ritual sex over a year, is it really so surprising that he’d find a connection somewhere else? With someone who actually makes him feel good to be him?

The only surprising thing about the whole cheating scheme is that you forgot him until someone else came into the picture. Then- and only then- do you appreciate what you have and fight for him. Why weren’t you fighting for him, letting him know his importance to your life, on a daily basis?  You feel under-appreciated? Poor you. He’s feeling worse, and you helped. You minimized him as a man, as a person, as a human with feelings. You kept pushing, he finally made a self-preservation choice of staying away. And now you’re upset?

The Other Woman is a colleague. A friend. A momentary meeting that reminded him of his worth. She’s not a harlot, a manipulator, a beast. She epitomizes everything that you aren’t:  supportive. Understanding. Caring, about him as an entity. She’s appreciative of all of his good qualities. The ones you’ve forgotten or misplaced. She is you, when you first met him. That’s the bones of the new relationship skeleton. You can blame him for being weak. You can blame yourself for having a short-term memory. But no, you can’t blame the other woman for making him feel like a man.

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About: Ananya Walia

Ananya Walia has been serving humanity as a relationship therapist, by helping individuals protect their most treasured possession -"love" with relationship advice. With a keen interest in writing, she decided to add another feather to her cap and started blogging at http://www.loverslawn.com. Happy couples and booming relationships are her inspiration and goal too.

Category: Divorce, Relationships, Work/Life

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2 Comments For This Post

  1. Oskar_fire Says:

    thank you very much, it’s like you’re at the core seeing everything and drawing the whole picture which’s being avoided GENERALLY though everyone realizes it and totally feels it
    but only to keep some STANDS on their places, they ignore the main problem

    why would a man cheat? not for SAKE of cheating ” even the MOST selfish bastards ” when they see that they are comfortable with their partners, they’d never think of a change..

    i think, before marriage , the couple SHOULD go under some sort of a course, and check how compatible they COULD be , and how they can HANDLE things in a harmony

    Astrology HAS to be involved, Psychology , an ECONOMIST has to be there for god’s sake..

    it’s a whole STRUCTURE which will ever last, a FAMILY

    you can’t have a Family with SUCHA BUZINESS WOMAN, man won’t just stay home and wash DISHES, or CHANGE THE PAMPERS

    for me, I will NEVER think of getting MARRIED, till i STUDY the woman Iam with , from all the SIDES, as well as she does , this thing isn’t a game with a RESTART button, kids wont go back into sperm and stay inside the man’s testes and never go out again? time can’t be reversed …

  2. beth Jones Says:


    Wow you are an ignorant witch who has obviously never been in a long term relationship. Someone who doesn’t know how years, children, bills and life accumulate. Someone who doesn’t understand that sometimes two people who very much love each other… simply loose their way. Or become consumed by the roles they play. That in life we shift to handling the urgent and forget to put each other on the to do list. It isn’t about wives not doing their job. It is about life and the ups and downs of the thing we call marriage.

    And it is about some people not having a moral compass. You don’t sleep with someone else’s spouse. How did you not ever learn that it is wrong? That there are sacred things we should all respect. Do unto others should be your guide here. It is NEVER okay to do the wrong thing for what you feel like is the right reason. It’s a little thing called ethics. But in today’s society the message is “If it feels good do it”.

    The other woman is selfish. She sees something she wants and goes after it with nary a care for the damage it will cause. Damage to him, his wife, his kids and even her. It is as self destructive as it is anything else.

    Affairs are EVERYONES fault… His, the wife’s and the woman who interjects herself into the mess. SHAME ON YOU and your terrible advice!

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    Bizzy Women aims to bring high quality information together in one place to empower busy professional women. Topics include investing, finance, work-life balance, parenting, and everything in between.

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