It started in our preteen years, with going away to camp for the summer. The first crushes, kisses and whats-its are stuck firmly in our heads. Usually surrounded by a soft, shimmering air of ‘ah, youth!’ and a silly grin. It then moved into teen-hood, with having the week-long boyfriend. The Grease romance, the one without a future. Is it any different when we pretend we’re grown-ups, and have a summer fling? Is there even a reason to bother, if it’s not going to pan out? And isn’t a summer romance just a long, drawn-out one-night stand? When you’re thinking about a summer affair, here are a few considerations:

Summer Flings Are Great For:

Ego boosts. It’s summer, you’re wearing less layers and feeling sexier. More attractive. The attention of a summer fling can elevate that feeling to new heights. Inhibitions are dampened, holidays are taken and you meet tons of new people. You can even reinvent yourself for the time you’re on vacation. It’s liberating. We also go slower in the summer and relax more- which means open to possibilities.

Experimentation. The summer brings out the liberal in us. The entire attitude of ‘why not-?’ had to be coined in the summertime. It had to. Meeting Juan the waiter for a watermelon feast: why not? It’s not just about the physical possibilities, either- summer romances can be extremely intense emotional connections that are unforgettable.

Stress release. We have a reward system for surviving the winter months and slogging through work. It’s the summer leisure time, when we allow ourselves and our hair to unwind. Flirting, finding someone attractive and having the most minimal of touches throws work out of the window. Hard. The romance takes place of worrying about the next promotion or paying the bills. It just is.

Summer Romances Are Not:

Long-term relationships. Rarely do summer romances last until September, much less for the long-term. If you’re looking for true love, not a tryst, it’s probably not for you. Many summer flings are two strangers that live nowhere close to each other and connect. Maintaining a long-distance reality, after a mere week or two…doesn’t really work.

A solution to your relationship problems. When you’re in a relationship, it’s still cheating- even if it’s on holiday and they’ll never find out. It won’t repair your relationship or give you any answers. It could, in fact, play a role in finishing or destroying your relationship.

Meant to be repeated. A yearly meeting and trying to recreate the same atmosphere, with the same person, a year later, is kidding yourself. A lot can and does happen in a year- trying to make the connection you had leads only to disappointment and at worse, embarrassment for you both.

When you’re considering a summer fling, keep in mind that it’s basically a very short-term moment that will make you smile with long-term memories. Summer flings are something to keep you warm in the cold winter months.

One of the worst things that ever happened to women was the logic card.  We rate, we debate and we rationalize whether or not we should even bother with him.  What we’re forgetting- what we forget, consistently- is there are so many un-plucked, good guys that could be the answer.  Not Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Hello.  Mr. Nice to meet you.  Has Hollywood really destroyed your sense of romanticism and given you such unreal expectations that you’ll never take less?  Less is more, when you want a relationship.

Of course, you can wait for Brad Pitt…if you’re Jolie-equese.  If you’re one of the normal, average (yet beautiful) people you’ll need to start opening yourself up.  To possibility.  How much time are you wasting- and aging- by going through a negative list of how he doesn’t measure up?  It’s tiring and it’s an absolute waste of time.  He’s in your circumference if you look.  A friend, a colleague, the man who always remembers your favorite magazine in the shop.  The neighbor who always opens the door.  The mailman that puts  your letters priority.  Available, attainable men.  Good men that are waiting, in the back of their minds, for you.

The chase, the run, the capture all look great on paper.  But when it comes down to it, are you really seeking a manipulator and a man that’s unreliable?  Really?  That’s the movie man:  he woos, he enjoys himself, he disappears.  He isn’t anywhere near stable.  He’s a manicorn- what you think you want, until you have him.  And then he’s simply messy.  Emotionally, physically and slightly destructive to you.  The golden guy, the elusive you’ve been looking for, already belongs to you.  He’s there.  Attentive.  Ready to jump, if you just say the word.

The only thing holding you back is fear.  Of refusal, of the dreaded ‘no.’  Take a moment to reflect, breathe, and ask him out.  The worst that can happen is that he says ‘I can’t…’  The best, on the other hand, is that he can and will.  Guys have been living in this tenuous place of possibility since they carted around clubs.  By taking the chance, by getting outside of your dating box, you’re empowering yourself.  He’ll love you for it, and so will you.  The new feminism is making and acting on choices that make you happier.

It’s a proven fact that the best first dates are walks, without the intensity of staring.  They’re also so much safer for both parties:  you chat, listen and generally have the opportunity for touch.  If you want.  But on your terms.  You can get a coffee, go for a wander and have an amazingly romantic time of it, without feeling like you’re on a Real Date.  Ladies, you are selling yourselves so short by limiting the playing field.  By running (and screaming) from making an attempt.  And by closing your head to the full team of the interested, with petty and odd personal rules.

He’s out there.  Waiting.  Isn’t it about time you got out there, too?

We all love slang, and using slang to describe romance, until it gets over-killed. What was hot a year or two ago now seems so passe. Uber-uncool. If you’re jumping into the dating scene again, it might help to know a bit of the latest dating slang. Not necessarily to use it successfully, but at least to understand. Of course, there will be some reading these terms, rolling their eyes and saying: duh, that was so yesterday…! But many people in the mainstream are a few years behind the hipsters, and those facing dating again after a break or pause could use some wording up help:

The Ladies:

A bunny boiler: A woman who gets crazed, obsessive and is scary. From Fatal Attraction, the famous scene of the pot on the stove, boiling-?

To glomp: Similar to a bunny boiler, but less drastic- a little desperate. Usage is:  Is she glomping you? I think she was glomping me.

Guyatus: When a girl or woman takes time off of dating anyone, usually after a bad experience. She’s ’suffering from guyatus.’

Guys:

A paternity fest: The celebration that a guy has when he finds out he isn’t the father of someone’s child.

A management ring: The promise or engagement ring a man gives his girl, to stop her from complaining (without any plans of getting married).

A manicorn: The sensitive, soulful man-friend who in reality is an imaginary creature (man + unicorn).

General Slang:

A non: The worst description you could give someone- a non is so unimportant it’s a non-issue. They don’t exist or aren’t attractive.

An umfriend: The friend (or more) that you introduce awkwardly. “This is Bob.  He’s my…um…friend?”

To be butter: Someone with a nice body but the face is less than attractive.

Arm candy: A date you are only out with as ‘decoration’ for your arm, attractive but not much else.

The slow fade/to pull a Houdini: When you want to stop dating someone, and instead of telling them you just… gradually… poof! Disappear.

To cupcake: Spending quality time with your partner, typically at home, instead of going out.

A starter marriage: The first marriage, usually very short and sweet, that paves the way to the ‘real marriage.’

A shackpack: The bag you take with you that has a toothbrush, some clean clothes, etc.- because you hope to stay the night with a romance.

Book: Cool. Stemming from T-9 mistakes from trying to write cool, it’s now unbook to use cool.

To bookmark someone: To make a mental note to get back to a person for a more in-depth conversation/meeting/date.

Jawn: A person, place or thing. “That jawn was hot, did you see her?” Mainly Philly area.

Sexting: Two meanings:

a:) to send sexy texts to a partner in a flirtatious way and

b:) sending actual naked photos via phone.

This lingo is not a full list, by any means- and the year is still far from over. At least you’re geared up for the dating world with 2009 lingo. Very, very book.

Relationships are not an easy thing, by any means. There are the beautiful, sunny points and the rough-patches that each relationship has to go through. We’ve all had good and bad relationships, but when you’re in what you once thought was a great relationship that is now going sour, you can feel helpless. Is there any way you can work your way back to the beginning, or at least iron out the problems you’re having? Of course there is- when you really want to save your relationship and make it work, you have to put the effort in. Both of you. But most relationships are salvageable. In fact many that get through the difficulties end up being stronger after. A few things to keep in mind, when you’re repairing a bad relationship:
Communication is one of the main reasons relationships start to suffer and fall apart. The less communication you have, the more the other person is put in the role of ‘partner/psychic,’ and many times they guess you wrong. It’s up to you to tell your partner what’s going on inside of your head. There are different ways of talking to them, without getting in an argument.
Start off by finding a good, calm time you can both sit down and make a date. Set it a few days ahead, and let them know that you’d like to discuss the relationship. This gives you both time to sit down and think about your personal needs or wants, and things you think you can do better. This is a time to be very honest with yourself- it is, after all, with the goal of making your relationship better. If you want to criticize anything about the partner or the relationship itself, think about your wording carefully.
Speaking about trouble in a relationship is never easy, but you can make it less painful if when you do talk- you’re not playing the Blame Game. It’s a lot better if you start out with accountability of where you can improve, before pointing fingers at your partner. Also discussing each point thoroughly without rushing through it can be helpful.
Come up with valid solutions for the problems you’re having, and agree on them together. It won’t be exactly useful if you find a way that isn’t going to work, or is imbalanced between the two of you.
Working on repairing your relationship also means working on yourself, to some extent. You have to be open to change, even minor changes, if it’s going to get back to a golden relationship.
Everyone has problems in their relationships from time to time. If you feel you can repair your bad relationship, there’s no time like the present to start working your way back to happiness.

Men are notorious for bottling things up, not being nearly as talkative as women and not expressing their emotions often. The strong, silent stereotype comes from somewhere. When you’re in a relationship with a quiet partner, you can find it difficult to get him to share his feelings or open up to you. It can complicate the relationship, because without a lot of communication, it can lead to distance or even arguments between you. Neither one of you are mind-readers, which is why you’d like him to share his feelings with you. Maybe you just want to get to know him better, hear more about his past, or his family. How can you get him to open up without hurting the relationship?

1. Be patient. You’re asking him to make a change, or want him to make a change. No one likes being changed. Relationships are based on compromise, so if you want him to do something for you you’ll have to be willing to do the same for him. Don’t expect he’ll tell you his life-story overnight. If he’s not used to talking about himself, it could make him uncomfortable. Let him set the pace, the time and the amount of information.
2. Find a good atmosphere for him to talk in. The more comfortable he feels, the more willing he’ll be able to share. Which means that loud, noisy places are out. The perfect place for talking can be by going for a walk. It’s relaxing, it gives him a chance to speak when he wants and it takes away the pressure of face to face intensity. Or quiet time, in the afternoon.
3. Don’t push him. If you keep nagging him, or trying to force him to talk, he’ll probably dig his heels in and finally refuse. It could put a very real strain on your relationship if you don’t allow him some time to think he’ll start resenting you. He won’t open up, he’ll close up. It’s up to him and how he wants to do it. He might have a reason for not wanting to share with you- maybe a bad experience in the past with trust. You should talk it over with him, and let him know why you want him to open up.
4. Listen to him. Even if he tells you something that reminds you of you, the focus should be on him. If he’s reluctant to share his feelings, don’t interrupt him when he finally does start opening up. Show him that he can trust you, and pay attention to what he has to say. You want him to open up- show him the benefits, and how it helps the relationship. How it also brings the two of you closer.

It’s not an impossible task getting your man to share his feelings with you. But it will take time, patience and understanding on your part- and in the end, you’ll both be happier for it.

Divorce can be one of the most stressful times of your life- it’s painful finishing your relationship, it can get messy and when children are involved it gets even more emotionally complicated. You have to deal with your own pain, and try your best to help your children through it, too. Kids all react to divorce differently. You’ll need to be both strong emotionally and patient with them, because children tend to cope with divorce by acting out in some ways. A few steps you can take to help make the change for your kids as painless as possible:

1. Talk to them. They’ll need to know exactly what changes will happen, in the most straight-forward language as possible. This means no playing the blame-game or pointing fingers at your almost-ex. You should both show your children a united front, letting them know that it has nothing to do with them. That you still love them unconditionally, even if your relationship with your partner has changed. Also watch what and how you say things to other people when your children are around. They’ll be listening closely and any additional negativity will be picked up on.
2. Make the change gradually. Try to keep things as normal as possible. Small changes over a period of time helps children adjust to the divorce. You should also include them in the process, or explaining as you go why these changes are happening. The more honest you are, without judgment, the better off your kids will be in understanding and coping.
3. Let them express themselves. They’ll be adjusting just as much as you are to the divorce. Keep tabs on their emotions, and pay attention to any changes or mood swings. Let them tell you how they’re feeling openly. They might not say what you want to hear but they need to know their feelings are just as important as yours. They shouldn’t feel like they’re walking on eggshells, and if they think they have to hold things in they’ll be reactive later.
4. Be supportive. Helping your children cope with your divorce involves a lot of security issues. They need full knowledge that they’ll have some changes, but that they’ll still be loved and taken care of by both of you. This doesn’t mean that you should shower them with toys, but give them emotional affection. Remember that each child reacts differently: some will be much quieter, some will act as if nothing happened or that there aren’t any changes and some will have behavior issues, even months after the divorce.
5. Give yourself time for you. You’ll need to be strong enough for both you and your children, which means keeping to the same schedules they’re used to, eating right and taking care of yourself. You’ll have your own emotional needs to take care of- it’s a long process. The best way you can help your children with the divorce is by making sure you’re OK.

It will be difficult getting you and your family through the divorce. But you can do it. Realizing how to help your children cope can help you put the pieces back together. Giving you all the ability to move forward in a positive way.

Dealing with a break-up is terribly difficult. The whole process can interrupt your life. It might seem like you’ll never recover, or never love again. You will. You just need to take your time, and be patient with yourself and your heart. There isn’t any set time limit on a break-up, or perfect emotional tools in getting over someone you love. It depends on how long you were together, who broke up with who and your personality. There are some general guidelines you can use when you’re recovering from a broken heart that you can use to help you get over your ex.

First and foremost, you should be focusing on you- on taking care of yourself, on getting back to being yourself. Part of the difficulty of a break-up comes from having shared everything with your partner, sometimes even going from living together to living alone again. It’s a huge adjustment to make. Part of what can help you in the process is going back to your you- remembering who you are, what you like- and getting rid of the history of your relationship.

If you still have contact with your ex, stop- take a complete break from any phone calls, texts or emails. Re-opening the wound, over and over again, doesn’t help you feel better. In fact, it keeps you in the mourning process with very little progress forward. This is the time for re-decorating, getting that new haircut or getting new clothes or joining new clubs. This is the ideal time for you to re-invent yourself, even if just a little- you’ll feel better. The busier you keep yourself, the more improvements you do the easier the break-up gets.

Remind yourself of all of your wonderful qualities, and all of the great things you have to offer. It can make you feel insecure, and second-guess yourself. It’s only natural, but part of the break-up process is also realizing you have so many good points. The relationship couldn’t have happened if you didn’t both have something you each liked and found attractive. The more confident you become, the more you’ll start feeling like yourself again.

Losing someone you really love isn’t easy for anyone. But you can get back to yourself, and even come out from a break-up a happier, better you. One that is stronger, more confident and eventually, someone who will be ready to love and be loved again.

Flirting is some of the most fun, someone said once, that you can have with your clothes on. It’s a great way to meet people, to express yourself romantically and harmlessly. If you’re not an expert flirt or a beginner at flirting, how do you know when he’s flirting? A lot of the flirting tactics can be mis-reading someone who’s just genuinely outgoing or friendly. You want to avoid the embarrassment of flirting with someone who’s not interested, save public face and feel confident in reading the situation correctly. There are a few easy-to-recognize signs when a man is flirting with you:

1. Body Language: we all give ourselves away physically, and most times we aren’t even aware of it. The simple way we stand, how close we stand, the amount of eye-contact and the way we smile can all reflect when we’re attracted to someone. He could be flirting if he’s standing close, or shifts his weight to be closer to you. Leaning over to speak (if you’re in a loud place, for example) can be a sign. Making steady but not creepy eye-contact with you, without scoping the room to look at other women is a plus. Crossed arms or distance can be negative signals. Also, there’s the possibility that if he’s brushing back his hair or scratching his ear is in reaction to being attracted.
2. What He Says: when we’re interested in someone, we try to sell ourselves. Whether it’s attempting to grab your attention for being the wittiest in the group, while directing his attention towards you- he might be flirting with you. Compliments can usually seem clear, but if he’s complimenting everyone in your group- he’s probably just a nice guy. If he starts asking you loads of questions, it’s to show he’s interested in who you are. Coupled with a more intimate body language, it can definitely mean he’s being flirtatious.
3. The Full Time: when you’re out for an evening, see if he comes swinging back or even exchanges glances with you across the room. If it happens more than once, he could be interested in you. Is he making excuses to speak to you, or be next to you? And one of the clearest signals: asking for your email or phone number, to chat again. Don’t feel discouraged if you felt he was flirting with you and doesn’t ask, though. There’s always the chance he’s shy and will get your information from a mutual friend.

With a little practice and some confidence you can flirt your way to his affections. With some easy observation skills, you can figure out if he’s flirting with you in a hearbeat.

It’s a well-known fact that we’re constantly sending signals to people.  Body language, gestures and phrases all come into play.  What we may not realize, though, is how our appearance plays a part in sending signals, too.  From clothing to hair and make-up, we’re telling the world where we’re at emotionally.  Knowing what you’re showing can help you understand why you’re getting the reactions you are, and how to modify yourself to being irresistible.

Starting with hair: the length of your hair can reflect your personality.  The shorter and more stylish it is, the more it tells others you’re high-maintenance, high-strung and meticulous.  It can also be a signal of insecurity because of the constant upkeep.  The most girlfriend-friendly hairstyles are mid-length, from chin to shoulders.  You take care of yourself, but don’t overdo it.  Long hair can be two different things:  either you’re attempting to recapture or play on youthfulness (which can be a sign of desperation if you’re an older woman) or that you simply don’t care.

 Hair color is another readable factor.  Many women color their hair, and the choices in coloring speak volumes.  Black hair is the intentional rebel.  Brown hair is (again) the most friendly, because it’s the most common.  With warm highlights, it shows openness.  Red hair is the rarest, and will soon die out altogether.  A woman who colors her hair red is ready for a relationship and looking for attention.  Bottle blonds can come off as icy or unapproachable, and because the bleach does so much damage the ends get brittle.  Not keeping it trimmed makes a stereotypical cheapness.

The clothing we wear is also a reflection, not just in the style but in the color choices.  Here are the most common:

• Red. Again, signaling that you’re ready for a relationship or looking for some excitement. It’s the most eye-catching color, and that’s what it’s worn for.
• Black. Either a protection mechanism or a contrast to highlight the other features (i.e. figure and face).
• Brown. While it may be natural, it’s also a natural repellent since it brings to mind dinge and dirt.
• Yellow. Happiness, sunniness and joy in general, it can also scare people away from you if it’s too bright.  Imagine someone cheerful waking you up at 5am on a Sunday.
• White. Spotlessness tells of a clean freak, someone who would insist on coasters at the dinner table.  It can also be a sign of purity or untouchable-ness.
• Purple. A free spirit wears purple, and doesn’t care who likes it or not.  Especially vivid purples.  Independent and feisty.

• Blue. It can be complementary (for example, to match or bring out blue eyes) or it can seem commonplace or general.  Blue is the most common color worn by both men and women, and it blends in.
• Monotone outfits. Wearing all of one color is the same as erecting a wall between you and the world.
• Clashing outfits. A reflection of a lack of taste or thought, or it could be a cry for attention.

Make-up is an obvious way to tell a lot about someone.  Pan-cake make-up has connections to insecurities and cheapness.  Au naturelle is a coin-toss between natural beauty and confidence or laziness.  The in-betweens are saying they take care of themselves but don’t obsess.

It might be good to know the next time you’re getting ready for a hot date exactly what unspoken subtleties you’re telling him, and vice-versa.

It’s hard enough to overcome and get through the asking of the first date. Once you’ve succeeded at that, you’re onto step two: planning the perfect first date. First dates going well is important when you’re really into someone, because if it goes smoothly it’s nearly a guarantee for a second, and then a third. The biggest problem we face with first dates is we don’t usually know the person well. Their likes, dislikes, favorites and what they abhor. The good news is that many people say that when they like someone, the date itself isn’t that important. If you want to really impress, however, you can take a look at these first date ideas for some inspiration:

1. Depending on the weather, plan a walk either around town or in the countryside as a memorable first date. As boring as that might sound, it’s a great way to comfortably talk and get to know someone without the pressure of constant face-to-face contact. It’s ideal for painfully shy people. A well-organized walk could start in a coffee shop, go past a favorite part of town (conversation point, if you’re afraid of clamming up) and end with a glass of wine in a bistro.
2. Activity dates can be unforgettable and fun. Beyond bowling, what about ice-skating, roller-skating (there are retro rinks out there), go-carts, pedal boats or folf? You don’t have to be an expert at it- in fact, it might be better if you aren’t.
3. Diners, coffee shops and tea rooms. Great for those talkative souls that want to chat. There are also specialty shops which sell hot chocolate, which is fantastic during the winter as a memorable first date. Scope out all of the possibilities before deciding on one- each shop or place has its own atmosphere you can use to your advantage.
4. Go into public- a book reading or a wine-tasting with cheese, for example. This takes the pressure off of both of you when you’re in a group and it gives you conversation topics. These are much better than a film, which isn’t interactive and can be awkward, or dinner. Eating in front of a possible romance on a first date might be uncomfortable, and doesn’t leave much time for conversation.
5. Seasonal first dates can also be memorable. From spring to autumn, you can plan a picnic or go fishing. Summer and autumn might have traveling fairs or an open boardwalk with rides. And in the winter you can go sledding.
6. Keep in mind the best days for a first date are typically Wednesday and Thursday, when people have freer schedules and less distractions.

A lot of these ideas might seem a bit young for you, or too safe- but it is after all your first date that you want to be absolutely memorable. The more comfortable you both are, or the more fun you have, the more relaxed and natural you can be to show your best side.