Quick, which is more difficult – work or life?

Up until a year ago, both competed for my attention, each piling weight onto the seesaw to rise towards the favored position. A year ago, however, I started working at Alice and Ryan and I started hitting our stride (both of which were not without challenges, however… many, many challenges).

While working for a start-up demands hours, it demands more in mental energy, and in spiky unpredictable lengths, where the only invariable is that you know work will be stop and go. This means it’s often difficult to separate work and life, especially in the statuesque pursuit of balance, but while I used to recognize and promote blur, I’m now mindful of the distinct delineation between the two.

Smart people don’t balance two sides of the same coin – your work and life are, after all, inseparable from the backbone of your binding. You can’t push one to one side and one to the other and hope equilibrium presents itself because the entities are glued to each other and to you.

What I mean, for example, is that I cannot see Ryan and refrain from discussing at length our work. I have long agreed that behind every good man is a good woman, and likewise, the same holds true for Ryan and I on both sides. While he is the one that shows up to Brazen headquarters each day, my ideas fill his head. While I’m the one who walks into Alice each morning, Ryan’s sense and advice follows me.

More to the point, I guess, is that there is a mutual respect for what we choose to do with the majority of our day and into the night, and sometimes into our sleep and into dreams. Although when we do relate to each other our dreams from the night before, it’s not very likely to include the mention of a spreadsheet.

Right now, Ryan is across the street from me working. His offices are located diagonal from my condo, but I have yet to see him this week except for when he dropped me off from our weekend in Philly together on Sunday. I was working on a Wall Street Journal exclusive early this week, and he’s working on big plans for Brazen later this week. We also have friends, family, a basketball league, dance classes, books, blogs, grocery shopping, the gym, bill-paying and other magnitudes and minutiae of daily life competing for our attention.

Oh, and the new season of Chuck just started.

When I walk into work, much of that has to go away. I imagine this is natural for most people who enjoy their jobs, but particularly at start-ups you have to be ready to do whatever is put in front of you that day. Everything planned for the day will get eaten up by new priorities, larger plans and whether or not the toucan (our CEO) monopolizes all the time with the dolphin (our President and my direct boss). This can be best described as acting as a pivot, keeping your center, but spinning to each new person and project that appears.

One of the best parts of working at a start-up is that an idea spun in the morning has the potential to be fully realized by the afternoon. It can be that quick and magical and exhilarating. Also, the customers. When I worked for a non-profit in a trailer across from the food pantry that I was raising money for, I thought I wouldn’t again experience the rewards of being in such direct contact with the people I helped. But Alice has that.

One of the more challenging things is that blurring my work and my blog and my life to such an extent can make me very unhappy. Sometimes I feel like I’m always working which is frustrating, so I’ve tried to have clearer boundaries. I don’t really believe in work/life balance as an ideal, but no longer do I trust in work/life blur so much either.

As a generation, we’re always on. Is it okay to tweet during your workday? How often? What about talk to your significant other? Send personal emails? Do you work with your partner at night? Accept calls from the boss? Check your iPhone during a movie? Where is the line drawn and what is acceptable?

For Ryan and I, we have chosen to spend the majority of our day, not with each other, but with two different start-up companies. Our lives and relationship are more difficult and more enriched because of it. What about you? Work/life balance: truth or myth? Does it stand a chance?

As women all too often we try to do a million things at once — and then we suddenly wake up to the unpleasant reality that this just isn’t possible.  You’re only human — and capable as you may be, you can only take on so much.  So in the spirit of digging out from under, here are some tips for dealing with overwhelm.

• Identify: A big part of feeling overwhelmed is not knowing where to start.  Try to pick three areas of your life: personal, relationship and career/professional and write down ALL the nagging things (both big and small) that are rippling under the surface and effecting your peace of mind.  This “brain dump” alone can be useful in that it shows you what you really need to deal with so that it’s not as  Getting Things Done author, David Allen so aptly terms it, “a nebulous mass of undo-ability“
• Prioritize: Once you identify the items in each category, rank them on a scale of 1 to 5.  1 being very important, 5 being very trivial. 
• Decide: Of all the #1 items on your to-do list decide: 1) which are the ones that are the most important to you in terms of life goals, values, passions and 2) which tasks/projects once accomplished will give you the most bang for your proverbial buck.
• Act:  Break your top 3 most important tasks into 3 actionable subtasks and decide what is the next “actionable” step that you could take towards its attainment.  Many times we feel overwhelmed because we see a mountain and think we are supposed to leap over it…we forget that it is a process and that it is made up of lots of smaller tasks which are victories in themselves.  So “clean out attic” (something I just did a few weeks ago) becomes “call carting service to rent dumpster” and “buy plastic organizers“, etc.
• Assign:  Tim Ferris, in his worthwhile (if a wee bit optimistic) book, The Four-Hour Work Week talks a lot about the importance of farming out tasks that you do not need to do.  He is a big proponent of leveraging high school and college students — even virtual assistants overseas to handle mundane tasks that can be real time-wasters
• Just Say “No”: Too many people (women, in particular) are uncomfortable with saying “no”.  I’m not always great at it myself….but I’m getting better.  I think a reasonable way to avoid getting committed to projects you’d just as soon leave alone, is to buy yourself sometime and never answer on the fly, if possible.  You can save yourself a great deal of kicking yourself afterward by going with something like, “I really can’t commit to that right now because I have a lot going on and always want to an excellent job on whatever I commit to.  I’m going to look at my calendar and commitments and get back to you”.  Then afterward do some soul searching and make sure that you are doing something that you want to do or feel is important to do.
• 6 A Day:  The legend is that Charles Schwab paid a friend $25,000 for this idea because it radically improved the effectiveness of his organization.  Pick 6 (no more, no less) of your high-priority, next actionable step tasks and do them each work day.  Where will you get the most traction on the things that matter to you most?  Whether it is having a better relationship with your kid — or getting  that new client.
• Let Go:  Overwhelm is often a product of staying on the treadmill of success for a long time and not realizing that you need at least one (preferably two) days off per week.   Stephen Covey author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People calls this “sharpening the saw”.  The joke is that this guy is trying to saw this tree with a dull saw.  He’s sweating, straining, not being very effective.  So another guy says, “Hey, why not take a break and sharpen that saw?”.  To which the first gentleman replies incredulously, “Can’t you see I’m trying to cut down this tree?!!“.  In other words, if your mental “blades” are dull and rusty you can’t be very effective.

Just some thoughts to get this thing rolling in the spirit of  “Hey, I’m doing the best I can.  Doing pretty darn good — and trying to get a little better every day“.  I hope you find some of these tips helpful in reducing your stress load. 

Now if you’ll excuse me…I need to go and remind myself of what I just wrote .

  Geralyn Coopersmith, MA, CSCS is an exercise physiologist, certified personal trainer, author of Fit + Female:  The Complete Fitness and Nutrition Game Plan for Your Unique Body Type and the creator of The Best Me Ever, a comprehensive weight loss and wellness system just for women.  It’s a first of its kind program designed to fit into a busy women’s life.  Lose weight and look great — 90 Day Unconditional Money Back Guarantee!!

There will always be room in my closet for a great chunky cardigan. No matter how in style or out of the style the look is. I will lounge around in the chunky cardigan, I will grocery shop in the chunky cardigan and I will even work in the chunky cardigan. Thank goodness the look is in style at the moment. And thank goodness for Stella McCartney’s amazing classic long chunky lace cardigan that is currently available at Neiman Marcus.

Neiman Marcus 

It is a tobacco lace knit color that is long enough to go over a great mini dress or some fun funky leggings. There are even some patch pockets on the side to slip your often cold hands in. The cardigan is currently priced at $1,285. That’s a bit pricey, but for this time of year and for Stella McCartney I may go for it. What do you all think about it?

Ashley Shute spends eight hours a day working as a blue jean and t-shirt wearing community organizer in San Antonio. The other 16 hours are dedicated to dreaming about and shopping for the latest luxury fashions. Her style icon is Jacqueline Kennedy; classic, clean, and always professional. You will never find a fake bag in her closet and she wants a collection of Manolo Blahnik shoes before she turns 30.

Discovering your groove and creating a luscious life is all about allowing for grace through your next transition.

Today marks the third anniversary of my flight from corporate America to entrepreneurial Freedom. An auspicious occasion making me grin from ear to ear all day long.  I did it and survived.  Here we are three years later and I am no longer entrenched in the drama of what was.  This new path,  whilst still unfolding,  represents following my bliss.

Is seems only natural to post my transition story to celebrate a wicked cool week.

Enjoy!

Not too long ago my career had been dedicated to sales, mentoring, coaching and leading an exceptional sales force.

For most of my prior life, I was a woman who: was happily married, would earn a six figure income, was a loyal employee, an over achiever, traveled to exotic places, would live in my dream home, and would be involved in the highly charged corporate world forever!

Today I am a woman who: is happily married, the mother of a sweet and healthy daughter, has earned the six figure income, plus all the perks, has traveled to many delightful places, lives in the home of my dreams, and has become a successful professional life and business coach.

Commence with the Transition …

A sacred knowing or astuteness accompanies the first foray into motherhood. Children have a way of smacking you upside the head with an uber dose of what is truly critical. The miracle of child birth became the catalyst for a complete lifestyle transformation. While home on maternity leave I was watching a morning news program and became drawn to an interview with a professional life coach. The attraction was profound. I contacted the television station for more information, found a local coach to talk with, and began to learn about the business of professional coaching. “Co-Active Coaching – New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life” written by coaching pioneers, Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl was a my first coaching playbook.

When I returned to my career, the coaching process became my revitalized way to lead my sales force. Coaching in the sales environment, gave me a load of practical experience for what would become my true calling.

After a few more loyal years, the high stress levels of being a corporate creature and doing business in someone else’s boardroom was losing its appeal. Even though my career path resulted in the realization of my goals and dreams, I became completely disinterested in corporate culture and, unwilling to jump through any more flaming circus hoops for money.

It’s amusing, and disheartening, when you realize your dedication, smart work, energy, – all the things you put into your career daily – are ONLY for the sake of performing a duty and receiving a paycheck. This new found awareness helped cement my corporate world exit strategy. It was time to let go of the illusion of control that the “big bucks” created.

Not too long ago, I made one of the most important decisions in my life. The promise to leave corporate America and give my entrepreneurial calling a shot. I started preparing my exit strategy. No longer a company creature; my job was surely destroying my soul. I longed to spend my days being left alone by the “powers that be”.  Please understand, my prior career was a lot of fun and a great challenge for a long time. The reason why I excelled and stayed on the path for 18 years had a big part to do with being left alone, to do what I did best. When a new regime change took hold, the corporate culture changed drastically, which led to my slow and certain suffocation. Without the discomfort, I may have never allowed myself to consider following my dreams.

More on discomfort … I was extremely anxious giving up a significant income to go out on my own. For awhile I even tried to trick myself into staying with the CASH. Then I would ultimately realize how many people have gone before me and taken a well planned leap of faith. What ever you want to achieve you can accomplish with great discipline and imagination.

After thoughtful consideration, much manic behavior, conversations with my family and confidantes; moving forward on the path of my dreams was the ONLY option. Sharing your plans and dreams with the people who know you intimately is an excellent way to receive honest feedback. These are the same people who will hold your hand through the transition. Declaring my plan for independence helped me stay on the path to personal freedom.

For about one year, many of my evenings, weekends and lunch hours were dedicated to self awareness and studying for my professional coaching certification. This transition time included, setting a new household budget, reallocating investments, setting up a line of credit, and buying a new car (for the first time in 11 years) The plan was to build my coaching business and the True Balance brand, one day at a time, until I could give my two weeks notice.

Straddling two worlds was fairly easy. The job I no longer enjoyed was palatable because I could see, feel and taste the light of my future. The most difficult part of the divide would turn out to be leaving my sales force. Leaving them behind was my biggest cross to bear until I allowed myself to let go and to understand that each person was amazing in his or her own right and would ultimately be fine in my wake.

During this time, finding humor in the day to day corporate environment was the greatest blessing. Ultimately, you do what ever you can to NOT take yourself too seriously when working through a life changing transition. The discovery of professional humor, allowed for functioning well in the environment and finding some peace in the moment.

Finally, after fourteen years, I left my prior life on my terms. My former employer decided to downsize our sales management group within 60 days of my planned exodus. The interesting part of this equation is three managers were given the responsibility of figuring out who would leave. Did I really jump up and say “pick me, pick me!?” I was thrilled to have the “out” and volunteered to be the “lucky” laid off executive and have never looked back. Thankfully, this scenario meant an unexpected severance package. Synchronicity is such a blessing!

I packed my box, (the same day) apparently my willingness to leave sped up my departure … Said so long to the big bucks, turned in my company SUV, let go of a cushy expense account, and found the courage to walk away from a career that no longer suited me.

Fast-forward three years …

Being in the business of helping people recognize their brilliance is a blast! The focus for the rest of my days is inspiring people do the things they think they cannot do on their own. I am sharing every ounce of my prior business experience to coach professional women in career transition to set big goals, achieve extraordinary results and create balance in their lives.

In three kick ass years I have dreamed and mind mapped my way to:  a professional coaching certification, the creation of two coaching businesses, a yoga teaching certification, a series of Luscious Living playshops, and becoming a best selling co-author. Currently I am doing final edits for my next book after conducting more than 40 interviews with inspirational entrepreneurs.  Life on Your Terms – Stories of Entrepreneurial Freedom will be finished by the end of the year.  DIG IT!

I am grateful for the courage, passion and wonder to live the rest of my life on my terms.

1. Do you have a liberation story you want to share?
2. Are you ready to accelerate living life on your terms?
3. What can you do today to begin moving forward with your next transition?

Shann Vander Leek is the Founder of True Balance Life Coaching and Co-founder of Seize True Success. She is a Coach Training Alliance certified professional coach, and certified yoga instructor. Shann is a prolific blogger, published writer and co-author of the Best Selling Book – Wake Up Women BE Happy Healthy & Wealthy. Shann’s personal style and direct approach have guided and inspired many in overcoming personal and professional challenges. Her background in sales, marketing and client development, along with leading a talented sales force for many years prepared her for the business of professional coaching. Shann inspires women in transition to create balance in their lives through personal coaching, yoga and creative expression. Telephone and email consultations make her accessible to clients all over the world. To find out about her Coaching Programs for Women, call Shann at 231.668.111 or visit www.truebalancelifecoaching.com

Your relationships with family and friends have a big impact on your career choices and career decisions – and the holidays focus on these relationships more than any other time of year. Are you stuck in career indecision and feel your friends or family might judge you for it? Are you considering a career they might not approve of?  

Especially in the U.S., where so much focus is on your job (think social gathering and the typical opening question – “how’s the job search?” or “how’s work (or school)?”), handling career questions or opinions about your choices from those close to you can be awkward.  

Here are 3 steps to positively anticipate and handle those questions and influences using The Career Key’s High-Quality Decisions self-help article: 

1. Identify any pressure you feel from family or friends – positive or negative – about your career plans. To help you, download a free “Decision Balance Sheet” and complete it for the job or career options you’re considering. Check out this list of Career Choice Consequences to help you “see” what issues may be weighing on you. Your choice may be so welcomed by your friends or family that you feel uncomfortable pressure to be successful or “perfect.” Expectations may need to be lowered.
2. Make a plan for how you will handle each person’s concerns or reactions to your career choice or career indecision. That way you’re not left unprepared (and maybe anxious).

For example, if you’ve been laid off and you haven’t decided if you will go back to school, then prepare and practice a script for how you will answer your mother’s well-meaning but loaded question at the holiday dinner table, “how ARE you?” Instead of saying “things are fine,” which you know will result in cool or hurt silence, wouldn’t it be better to say:

“I’m deciding on whether to go to grad school. I had two informational interviews last month with graduates of the ___ school I’m considering and I’ve got two more scheduled for after Christmas. It’s pretty interesting what’s I’ve learned about _______(the post-graduation job market, financial aid, interesting classes).”

Imagine how your mom will brighten at hearing about what you are doing. With mothers, sometimes giving them more information is better than less, right? (I hope my mother is not reading this post.) 

Or if you are seriously considering a career change from a more secure (if such a thing exists anymore) career like a civil-service government position to starting a business – how have you planned for the risks or consequences and your significant others’ reaction to it? 

Take advantage of family and friends well-meaning interest in you to make sure your career plans and research are as organized and “on track” as you would like. It may have the side benefit of forcing you to set goals for yourself – short-term, realistic and achievable – to get things moving in a positive direction.

The Career Key Blog, run by Juliet Wehr Jones, J.D.  The Career Key™ gives you expert help with your career search and career choices  career change, career planning, job skills, and choosing a college major. Our career assessment helps you find a career by matching your personality with careers and providing you complete and accurate information about each career you choose to explore.

It’s the official first day of Fall in the United States. Depending on where you are living it sure does feel like Fall! In Colorado, yesterday, it snowed! Today, in Texas, the highs were in the 60s. Wow, I put on my UGGs because it was cold today, not because they looked good! I am feeling for all of you out on the west coast where it has consistently been in the low 100s for the last few days. It just gives you an excuse to wear your awesome sandals some more!

Bluefly.com 

For those of you who are feeling a nip in the air and are wearing UGGs to stay warm today, though, why not buy some new sweaters? Sweaters are so exciting! They can dress up or dress down an outfit in a snap.  One sweater that does that is this Magaschoni flint cashmere ruffle front cardigan from Bluefly.com.

Pair it with some dress pants, some dangly earrings and some funky heels for a day at the office look or some fun skinny biker jeans with some ridding boots for the weekend. This is a winner of a sweater.  The sweater is $239.

Ashley Shute spends eight hours a day working as a blue jean and t-shirt wearing community organizer in San Antonio. The other 16 hours are dedicated to dreaming about and shopping for the latest luxury fashions. Her style icon is Jacqueline Kennedy; classic, clean, and always professional. You will never find a fake bag in her closet and she wants a collection of Manolo Blahnik shoes before she turns 30.

I just read, “The new Gen Y employee refused to get coffee!”

It makes me wonder what Gen Y public relations interns think about this. Feel free to comment anonymously if you’d like, but I’m really curious. Do you think it is OK? Or, is it unfair?

I have mixed feelings about it. As an intern, I expect to get less-than-glorious work on occassion. I don’t show up at an internship expecting to be counseling clients and pitching to CNN. Have I been asked to get coffee (or something similar)? Certainly.

But, in both cases the person asking me was nice and respectful about it. They didn’t act like it was my responsibility because I was the intern. In one case, it was lunch needed for a client meeting. In another case, it was for the students helping out with an outdoor commercial on a very chilly day. I didn’t mind at all.

But, I’m not sure how I would feel about being asked to fetch coffee daily because I was the intern. I don’t even drink coffee, so I don’t understand why people will wait in long lines to buy an overpriced coffee from Starbucks (just my opinion on Starbucks).

For me, it would depend on the internship experience. If I am learning a lot and growing my skills, I don’t think I would mind. If you are busy working most of the day, it’s kind of nice to step out of the office for a few.

But, if I were only given assignments such as fetching coffee, sorting mail and making copies, I might be disappointed in the internship experience.

What do you think as a Gen Y intern/employee? Or, what do you think as someone who manages Gen Y interns/employees?

Rachel M. Esterline works as an account executive for Central Michigan Life, the nationally award-winning school newspaper at Central Michigan University. She is as an account executive for PR Central, CMU’s student-run public relations firm and as a public relations executive with the Student Government Association. Additionally, Rachel serves on the executive board of the Public Relations Student Society of America at CMU and has completed a seven-month internship with her university’s public relations and marketing department. Rachel will graduate in May 2010 with a degree in public relations with minors in journalism and communication.

Today was one of those days when I wish I have a never ending closet. I would have pulled out pretty Braided Shirred Suede Over the Knee Boots by Jeffery Campbell, some J Brand Skinny Jeans, a  Missoni skinny scarf and I would have rocked it. The weather was cold, rainy, and icky. It was a perfect Fall Day.  I probably would have only worn these purple boots once, but it’s worth noting that they’re super fun and if you’re a super fun person who will wear the over the knee boot look more than once then why not take a look.

ShopBop 

They are pull on suede boots with an asymmetrical top. They have a three and a quarter inch heel. They are $250.  They are right on the money for this Fall season, purple, very high and very very over the knee. Here’s hoping my wish for a never ending closet comes true soon!

Ashley Shute spends eight hours a day working as a blue jean and t-shirt wearing community organizer in San Antonio. The other 16 hours are dedicated to dreaming about and shopping for the latest luxury fashions. Her style icon is Jacqueline Kennedy; classic, clean, and always professional. You will never find a fake bag in her closet and she wants a collection of Manolo Blahnik shoes before she turns 30.

There are a lot of websites that talk about choosing a college major and tell you what to major in. But The Career Key is the only website to offer majors advice based on solid science and independent research proven to lead to a successful education decision. We just launched the most comprehensive resource out there – and it’s affordable and easy to use.

Why does The Career Key offer the best way to choose a college major or post secondary program? Unlike other approaches it:

1. Uses a scientifically valid career test to match your interests and personality with majors and training programs;
2. Offers you the most education choices (all of the 1,400+ college majors and training programs listed by the U.S. and Canadian governments);
3. Shows you careers related to educational programs that match your personality;
4. Shows you accurate, comprehensive, up to date information about each career;
5. Organizes all the programs and careers in a unique way developed by recognized vocational expert Dr. Lawrence K. Jones that is easy to explore; and
6. Links you to a description of each major and program that interests you.
7. All this information only costs $14.50 when you purchase the eBook, The Education Key: Choosing the Right College Major, Training, or Instructional Program, and The Career Key test together. And we offer a special, affordable group discount for both.