Women get paid less than men, in part, because women are less likely to ask. Especially young women. Myers cited a fascinating study from Carnegie Mellon University that studied a bunch of graduate students who were going out into the world to find their first post-college jobs, and found that men often got higher starting salaries were an astonishing seven or eight times more likely to just ask. And did you know, that by failing to negotiate that first salary, women stand to lose $500,000 by the time they’re sixty?  Women, apparently, are much more timid when it comes to negotiating their salaries and asking for what they’re worth.

There still aren’t enough women in politics, business, science, and academia. Women currently occupy 75 seats out of 438 in the House, and 16 of 100 seats in the Senate. 77 percent of university presidents, in a 2006 study, were male. Women held 14.7% of all Fortune 500 corporate board seats in 2007.

What would happen if women ruled the world? The main argument that Myers is making is that if women had more access to power, the world could be a better place. Women are exceptionally talented at communication, relationship-building, negotiation, and leadership (and she cites plenty of studies to back that up– read her book if you want all the evidence). Getting more women in positions of leadership in politics and business could lead to fewer wars, it could give a huge economic boost to developing countries; it could improve the environment, economy, and education system, which could have a huge ripple effect. Communities could be healthier, businesses more productive.

It’s also worth noting that she’s not a man-hater, although I’m sure she’ll get called that, since most feminists get called that at some point. In fact, I doubt you can be a really successful, notable feminist without being called a man-hater, bitch, or whiner at some point. But despite that, it is worth noting that she is a feminist but NOT hating on men. She thinks women should rule the world…but alongside men, not without men.

I often get a lot of questions and funny stares when people, particularly people in college, find out I write for a political website specifically for women. Is it feminist, people ask? No. So then why do women need their own site? Well, in part because when men talk about politics they claim to speak from a universal point of view, but when women talk about politics it’s still seen as a “minority” point of view — or I wouldn’t get such reactions in the first place. A political website written for and by women still elicits a double-take from most people because it’s still an uncommon thing. But it’s a necessary thing — and that’s why we’re doing it.

When men talk about politics as if they are experts, people listen and believe them. When women talk like experts, even when they are experts, they have to prove their credibility first and then people listen (maybe — but if they have a bad hair day or something, forget it). The problem Myers highlights in her fantastic book is exactly the problem that CJP exists to fight: the tired belief that women can only succeed in the corporate world and political world by becoming more like men and hiding the things that make women different.

Instead, what needs to happen is that women need to own their differences and talk about how our differences are positive, instead of hiding them. And people, particularly women themselves, need to recognize that our differences can actually make the world better.

Hear, hear! That’s what we’ve been hollering about at CJP forever!

Nisha Chittal is a writer and journalist who currently serves as Associate Editor of CitizenJanePolitics.com and is a political columnist for UniversityChic.com. Her personal blog is Politicoholic, where she offers commentary on a range of topics, including but not limited to politics, technology, and the changing role of women and Generation Y in politics today.

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What would happen if women ruled the world?

Every woman should own a pair of comfortable, black leather boots that accentuate her legs, remain stylish year after year and give her the confidence to venture out in the cold. I found my beloved Enzo Angiolini boots a little more than three years ago, at the end of the season. The knee-length boots are fitted without a zipper, and perfectly cradle my ankles. The two-inch kitten heel makes them suitable for long walks. Best of all, they were heavily discounted.

The catch? Well, reporters are supposed to pound the pavement. And I tend to do so with extra enthusiasm. So halfway into the season, without fail, I manage to scratch the leather off the stem of the heel, which, by that time, I have already rubbed down to the metal underneath.

Since I couldn’t bear to part with the boots, I became friends with the local shoemaker, a meticulous Italian man who worked out of a little shop on Victory Boulevard in Staten Island. His shop smelled of leather, oil, shoe polish, and … pride. He was a true craftsman.

Then, last spring, he shuttered the doors. Rent had gone up and it was about time he retired, he said.  He isn’t alone. Today, only 7,000 shoe repair shops exist in America. Only a decade ago, there were 12,000. “The trade is dying off; people go to college and do other things,” says Jim McFarland, a third-generation craftsman and member of The Shoe Service Institute of America’s board of directors. “Instead of repairing shoes we buy new ones and there’s a lot of cheap footwear out there,” notes Ilye Romanov, the 25-year-old entrepreneur who gave my boots a new shot at life.

Too busy to find a repair shop after the Victory Boulevard one closed, I had stuffed the boots into my closet and forgotten about them — until I heard about Romanov’s AmericanHeelers.com, which bills itself as the world’s first online shoe repair. The two-year-old company offers heel stem recovery ($29.99) in addition to shortening the length of high heels ($29.99), dyeing shoes ($21.99) and fixing tassels ($11.99). The company has recently branched out into orthopedic work, building up shoes for those with leg-length discrepancies, through a second Web site, www.orthopedicshoelift.com.

The process is quite simple and not all that different from getting movies through Netflix. Customers log onto AmericanHeelers.com and choose the shoe repair service needed. Within two to three business days, a postage-paid, self-addressed bag will arrive in the mail. Customers stuff their shoes into the bag and drop it in a mailbox. A cobbler based in the American Heelers headquarters in Ohio fixes the shoes. Those who chose not to prepay by credit card are billed via Pay Pal. The shoes are then mailed back within five to seven business days (about the same wait time one would expect at a traditional shoe repair shop).

Romanov, whose father has owned a shoe repair shop since the early ‘90s, when the family emigrated from Kiev, says he created the site because he “saw there was an opportunity.”

“Most other businesses have online presences; the shoe repair industry really does not,” he explains.

Romanov had not grown up planning to join the family business. He never learned the trade and instead, attended the Fisher College of Business at Ohio State University. “My father never wanted me slaving over one shop,” he says. “That’s why he sent me to college.”
Upon graduating, Romanov began a career at a boutique equity research fund. As a sideline, he persuaded his father to let him create a company Web site. The site launched in November 2006, and orders came pouring in, mostly through referrals.

Today, American Heelers employs four full-time cobblers. In 2007, an estimated 1,000 customers placed orders. The company is on track to grow its customer base to 3,000 in 2008, with the average customer spending between $50 and $65.

“My goal is to revolutionize the way people get their shoe repairs done,” he says. “Eventually, the goal is to shift the industry from a brick-and-mortar business to the Internet.”

Tamar S. Snyder is a New York-based journalist specializing in business, personal finance, education and careers. She holds a master’s in journalism from Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism and is a frequent contributor to AOL and MSN. Her work has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Inc. Magazine, Edutopia Magazine, and The Jewish Week.

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Attending to Wounded Soles

1. The more time you spend together, the more you like each other.

• Knowing another person’s secrets and vulnerabilities is an honor and must never be used against them.  There is nothing more hurtful than taking this privileged information and using it as a weapon. Unless you honor the depth of this communication, you can never have a strong relationship. 

1. You enjoy sex with your partner.

• Sex is not about having an itch and scratching it - it is about play, and the joy that comes from letting down your walls.  Being naked is a true metaphor for great sex; the openness that comes from taking off our costume and feeling comfortable in our nakedness.

1. You support one another’s interests, even if they’re different than your own.

• You have to really feel confident and loving to do this.  Do you need your partner to like the same things you like?  Supporting another’s interests comes from an open heart that understands the need to resonate to what is true for you, and not someone else.   

1. You don’t make the other person guess – You say what you need.

• Saying what you need is devoid of manipulation and the only way to have an authentic relationship. Sometimes it is not easy to speak up, but in the long run, it is always easier to bear the anxiety of shaking up the status quo than living with the  resentment and anger that comes with not getting what you want and need.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

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5 Signs of a Strong, Healthy Relationship

I just have to tell you how exciting it was last week to be invited by the Governor and his wife to their home—They live on the second floor in the Governor’s mansion in Salt Lake City. Because I am a docent (as I have said before) we were on the guest list with about 300 others. As we were standing in line I saw Jake Garn (a congressman who went into space) which was pretty fun for me. The governor walked over to me, shook my hand and then we stood with him and his wife to have a photo taken with them and the Lt. Governor and his wife.

On the third floor in the ballroom we had wonderful H’ordourves. I was thinking of all the things that have to be organized for an open house this size or for an intimate one in our own homes. So today I am sharing some organizing tips for a successful open house on a much smaller scale.

Organizing Tips when planning a party:
1. Plan size, type, date, time and place.
2. Write out the guest list.
3. Send the invitations—either by e-vite on the computer or through the mail.
4. Decide what food will be served and how it will be served.
5. Shop for the ingredients.
6. Check the serving pieces to ensure there is enough and that they are clean.
7. Make the food if you’re not having it catered.
8. Plan what activities you are going to have—games, eating, drinking, or movies etc.
9. Welcome guests with open arms and have fun at your own party!
10. Be sure your plans have included you to be at the party and not stuck in the kitchen. Your guests came to be with you, not your home.

What organizing tips do you have that make a successful open house/party?

Marilyn Bohn is an energetic, lively, compassionate, hard working and creative organizer. She was born to organize! Before becoming a professional organizer she worked professionally in diverse environments. She is involved in her community, providing her clients with a broad base of experience and knowledge.  She is a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO).

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10 Organizing Tips To Have A Fun Open House Party

The world around us is changing. Maybe we have been a stay-at-home mom and now we’re facing the prospect of working out in the work force. We’re used to play dates at the park and McDonald’s luncheons. Our old t-shirt and comfortable jeans won’t cut it anymore. We’re already feeling overwhelmed as it is - I mean, maybe our only professional references have long since died or we can’t even remember their names. We’ve been changing diapers or shuttling kids to soccer practices for the last decade - and now we must change our tune.

One of the first things we may think of is our budget. How are we supposed to dress for success if we’re going back to work because we need more money? Clothes cost money. And nice clothes, even fashionable clothing, costs even more money. We may have to dip into our pockets for the essentials in women’s clothing, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Let’s go over some basics that we should have in our closets - these basics should cover the gamut: from casual to work to evening wear.

• A button down white shirt. This can be flattering to your figure if you choose a style that has darts for shaping. It’s also versatile - can be worn under a suit, or with a pair of jeans as an outer layer with a stylish camisole underneath, or even buttoned up with a skirt.
• A simple skirt. Choose between a pencil skirt or an A-line skirt. If the pencil is too hip-hugging - an A-line skirt may be perfect for the curvier woman.
• A suit. This could be essential if you’re searching for a job. Look for a three-piece suit: jacket, skirt and pant. This way you’ll get the most out of your money. The jacket can be worn with a pair of jeans for a more casual day, or over a dress. The pants can be worn with a variety of different tops. And the skirt can double up as the ’simple skirt’ essential listed above. The various combinations of outfits can be accentuated with different styles of shoes.
• Jeans. Maybe your work, or the interviewing process doesn’t allow for jeans, but every woman needs a good pair of jeans. Buy jeans with a dark wash for better matching, and jeans that are long enough if you want the versatility of wearing heels for a dressier look. Choose the boot-cut or slim cut - whatever suits your figure best. Jeans can be dressed down or up; wear with a silk blouse or even a simple t-shirt.
• Black dress. This is a must. You can dress this up or down. Choose one with a hemline that’s flattering to your body shape. In the summer, wear with a pretty pair of sandals. In the winter, pair with a blazer and boots. And for an elegant evening out, complement it with a pair of fashionable high heels.
• The layers. This is where you add the color and the variety. Stock up on t-shirts and camisoles, chunky beads, belts and bags.
• A wool coat. A classic wool coat can take you through years of changing fashion — just mix it up with trendy accessories; a large wrap scarf, hat etc.
• Sunglasses. Everyone needs a pair of these — to protect our eyes and for fun. There are so many styles out there that can complement every face shape.

So now we have an idea what we need to make an easy and ever-changing wardrobe, but still, money is tight. Let’s go over a couple of ways we can find these basics at a nominal price.

• Clothing swap. Make a party out of it. Have your friends bring gently used clothing and let everyone choose among the items. This way you can get rid of the old, and bring in some ‘new.’
• Online retailers. Online shopping or internet stores save us money by not actually running a physical store, so good deals can be found. Do some comparison shopping from the comfort of your own home.

Make a plan, purge your wardrobe, have a clothing swap, and then bargain shop for those essentials via the internet or wholesale clothing. Our own personal style may change as we age and it’s always rejuvenating to rid ourselves of our clothing clutter and really scrutinize what we need. Let’s remember to always be authentic to our own health and beauty and develop our own style which enhances our body type and shape.

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Women’s Clothing - Dress For Success on a Budget

Though we were personally spared some of the biggest problems, such as an Au Pair leaving 1 year old twins asleep in the home with the door unlocked while she went bike riding, we still have some of our own stories. Other have theirs about the lack of professionalism on the part of executives at some of the agencies.

As a mother, a business woman and a community member, I feel it is imperative that the public be aware of the consequences of the Au Pair Care system. Perhaps by our combined efforts we will be able to get Au Pair agencies to change their policies and be more client friendly and understanding of the financially difficulties families face when agencies put all the burden on them when something goes wrong.

And trust me, things go wrong. Our Au Pair said every one of her 7 Au pair friends had switched households at least once and some of them had illegally left the program and stayed on here illegally while leaving their families in the lurch. This is more common than the agencies will ever let you know. Guess who has the foot the bill for the extra cost of getting a new Au Pair? The family … not the agency, even if it is was the Au Pair’s fault. And the family can lose thousands of dollars, which for some is a hefty sum.

If a family has an Au Pair who illegally leaves the program, does something tragic ,or is just not a good fit, the Parents generally do not get their pre-paid money back from the agency. You see, families pay all 12 months up of the agency fees up front. The agency gets paid the same amount as the Au Pair. I wonder how many Au Pairs really understand this.

Au Pair agencies are staffing companies that take 50% of the Au Pairs first year salary up-front and is usually non-refundable, regardless of the situation works out or not.

Also the parents have to pay a registration fee, education costs for the Au Pair and possibly air fare too. So if the Au Pair leaves or the family decides the Au Pair is not a good fit for their family, they often will not receive their money back. I personally lost $2,000 and my Au Pair lost $1,000 that the agency wouldn’t give back because she illegally left the program to travel around the U.S. A good friend of mine lost $3,000 that Au Pair Care refused to give back. What is happening here?

If the Au Pair rings up a $1,000 in long distance charges to their homeland (it happens!). Who pays? Not the agency, the family has to burden that cost. I would recommend turning off your international long distance service if possible and using Skype instead.

By speaking about this online we can require that these agencies (and our government) to REQUIRE better screening of Au Pairs before they become part of the program and enter our country and our homes. And also require better screening of parents by the agencies to make sure their home and their expectations are a good fit for an Au Pair. As well as checking Parents references to ensure the Au Pair is safe.

One Au Pair’s references we checked said they would never trust their child in the care of this woman, who was their Au Pair in London, nor should we. And this reference was on the Au Pair’s application she sent to us. How in the world did she get into the program then and why didn’t the agency check her references? I asked and the agency said they did check her references. Interesting …

On a positive note … our Au Pair experience overall was terrific for our son who loved our Au Pair like a sister. We also treated our Au Pair like a daughter (she was only 18 years old when she arrived from Ecuador) and enjoyed having her along on all our family events and sharing our life with her. It was a shame that after 8 1/2 months she decided she didn’t want to work anymore and wanted to travel the U.S. with her girl friends, some who were also illegally staying in the U.S.

She left one day with any notice, just a note left behind I found a day later after worrying endlessly where she had gone - just a like a mom would if her 19 her old daughter didn’t come home one day. And just like a mother, worrying about the impact of one child leaving on another, I was saddened beyond words when I had to explain to my son that his “sister” had disappeared.

Luckily she did come back in a few months on her way back to Ecuador to say goodbye to our son and to wish us all well in our life. However, I don’t think it will ever remove the sting of her unexpected departure with myself or our son.

I invite other parents who hosted au pairs, au pairs, or au pair agencies to comments to this blog. However, please keep it a postive otherwise your post may be removed.

This is a forum to provide solutions in a polite way to parents who are looking for quality au pairs and for au pairs who are looking for quality parents.

Please avoid the “complaining” syndrome and instead offer an opportunity for growth and change for the Au Pair Agencies, for Parents and for Au Pairs. Often problems begin because of a lack of awareness, you can point out potential conflicts and problems without being negative. You must have an open mind to invite change.

Au Pair care offers many advantages for all parties involved. However, it also has many risks. To minimize the risks, one should research as much as possible, check references (whether you are the Au Pair or the Parents) and set your boundaries with the Agencies with the terms you are willing to accept.

Tiffany Bass Bukow is the CEO & Founder of the #1 Personal Finance Website for Women and Families - www.msmoney.com. My life mission is to help people and the world thrive through creating companies that provide money, career and life skills education.

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The High Cost of Au Pair Care

Tell us about yourself? 
Hazel Walker:I am a mother of 3 adult children, I have owned my own businesses for 20 years now and I am always seeking new opportunities and challenges.  I own 3 businesses and a fourth possibility on the horizon. I believe that my purpose in this life is to be a contribution.  So everything I do I  ask myself, “Will this be a positive contribution to others.”  I love my life, it has not been an easy life, but I have learned and gained so much from each adversity.  Each one has come together to create the person I am today. 

What made you become an entrepreneur?
HW: It had never been my intention to be a business owner.  In my late twenties I found myself suddenly a single mother of 2 little girls and a go nowhere job with a bank.  When I asked my boss at that time for a raise and promotion, she said no and made this comment “No, and you need to get use to doing what you don’t like; you have two kids to feed.”  I gave my notice and left the job, went on welfare, got into a training program for Word Processing, (using a WANG) and completed the class early and number one!  I went to work for an entrepreneur and ran his office while he was starting a new telephone equipment business.  I was fascinated by the start up process, being your own boss…wow.  

I later married a man who owned an insurance agency and became a stay at home mom with 3 kids.  One evening after going with my daughter to a Girl Scout banquet, I came home to a missing husband and son.  After some phone calls, I found my husband in the hospital with a brain hemorrhage.  Our 4-year-old son had saved his life after a fall down the stairs.  My husband could no longer work and someone needed to learn to run that Agency.  

I had to get my insurance licenses, learn how to SELL insurance, learn how to underwrite insurance, learn how to run a business, learn how to network and how to manage my family at the same time.  It was truly trial by fire.  At this point, it was important for me to learn how to network to find more potential clients.  So I read everything I could get my hands on and about this time I was introduced to this small organization called “The Network” now called BNI.  I started a chapter and learned everything, then became an assistant director to the director of “The Network” and in 1998 bought the BNI Franchise (The Network) from her.   In 2000 I sold my agency, by the time I sold it, it had become ‘By Referral Only.’  

You see, adversity creates opportunity; I never ever would have become a business owner if my husband had not had such a tragic accident, (he later went on to find a job in the insurance industry, but nothing was ever the same for him.)  Adversity can make you or break you. Look for those opportunities that are often hidden in the smoke of the fire. 

Once I became a business owner, I found a passion for it.  I am a natural thrill seeker, and being an entrepreneur is a thrill.  Learning new things, new ways of doing things, and implementing them then teaching them to others is a thrill.    

Tell us about your business? 
HW: Today, I do many different things, all tied together.  I own and run a very successful award winning BNI Franchise in Central and Southern Indiana. I took a mortgage on my home and a loan from family members to buy the franchise, it was a very scary moment, but I acknowledged the fear and I did it anyway.  BNI is a referral organization allowing one person per profession in any individual chapter.  The purpose of the group is to build credibility with fellow members and pass referrals to one another in a non-competitive structured manner.  I learn a lot from BNI.  I became a Toastmaster to learn to be a better speaker, in becoming a better speaker I have become a better writer. 

I started training, speaking and consulting company called Crystal Synergies.  In this organization I began to develop programs to teach others. I joined the National Speakers Association to build my speaking and training business.  I speak at conferences around the world, write, coach women around starting and running their businesses so they become business owners and not just self-employed. 

Three years ago another opportunity came along with the Referral Institute.  Dr. Ivan Misner, founder of BNI and the world’s foremost authority on Networking, created the Referral Institute as a way of teaching others the value of networking well, with a system so that they could build businesses they love.  I bought that franchise; Referral Institute is only a few years old and has been voted a top franchise to own.   I will put 200 students through our Referral Dynamics Program here in Indiana this year, so I took another leap and opened my own training center.  

I am also working on a book with Dr. Misner and Frank DeRaffele called “Networking and Sex” looking at how the different genders build their networks.  In fact your readers can participate in the book by taking a quick survey at, http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=204762616512 

How do you juggle the work/life balance issues? 
HW: I really do not try to balance them instead I work on having harmony in all areas of my life.  When you are a business owner, it is hard sometimes to find balance.  I was always trying to figure it out and felt like a failure when I could not make it happen, I could balance my check book but I could not balance my life.  The idea behind harmony is understanding that sometimes life is all about the family, and other times I have to really focus on the business to take it to a new place, and not feel guilty about what I am doing.  I have learned to weave my business, my family, my physical and spiritual life together, creating flow between them and accepting that there will never be perfect balance but there can be harmony.  When I gave up being guilty, when I gave up being perfect, I found harmony.  Today, I no longer have kids at home so it has become easier but family still requires attention, I have a mother, two grandmothers and 6 grandchildren who need to also fit into my life. 

Are there any obstacles that you face, in the fact that you are a woman? 
HW: Stress and Guilt.  When you are a female business owner and you have family, you tend to stress out over everything because you are seeking that elusive work life balance.  When I gave up the Balance and went for the Harmony, my stress and guilt lessened.  I have learned and I am still learning to be present in the moment.  If you are with your kids BE with the kids, not thinking about all the other things at work, when you are working, BE present with your task at hand, and when you are with your spouse BE 100% there in the moment, not being stressed and guilty.  Create Flow, manage a healthy calendar and run the business, don’t let the business run you. 

Otherwise, I would say that being a woman I have had to learn some of the techniques of men.  Like how to ask for the business, how to leverage my time and my network, how to delegate to others and how to toot my own horn. Women tend to wait for the business, we hope that our network will help us but we don’t ask or set clear expectation, we believe that we can do it all so we are not good at delegating to others or saying No, and we never ever toot our own horns we have to learn how to do that well.   Ask any guy about his accomplishments and he will rattle them off, ask a woman and she will have to think about it.  

What advice do you have for women thinking about starting their own businesses?
HW: 1.   Find your passion, if you start a business that you are passionate about you will be amazed at how much that will come across to others. People are attracted to people who are passionate who have energy. 

2.  Never ever stop learning always be willing to go to seminars, travel to conferences, ask someone to mentor your, pay a coach to help you be accountable.  Women don’t spend money on their success, they think they need to figure it out.  If you learn one thing at a seminar, or meet one person at a conference or a coach helps you be accountable to one important goal, it will make a difference in your life and your business. 

3.  Be Present, be in the moment.  Don’t let your mind wonder to other places and things, embrace what you are doing right now, take it in and rejoice in the now.  When you go to the next place or thing, start over and be present with that moment. 

4.  Mentor someone else.  You learn what you teach; when you are mentoring someone else, you will learn too.  Grow by helping others grow. 

5.  Have gratitude at the end of every day, journal all the things you are grateful for, the good, the bad and the impossible. 

I have an affirmation that I say every day, many times a day, “Today, I create wealth and prosperity for myself and others.”   

Thanks.

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Inspiring Women: Hazel Walker

I used to be a lurker.

You know who they are: those surfers of the web who revel in dark, unknown corners.  Who consume but don’t reciprocate. Whose existence is known to none but themselves, whose presence we are never aware of as anything more than a number on our blog stats that might pique our curiosity. They lurk and disappear back into cyberspace, and no one ever has to know; no trace of them is left behind.

I knew the ups and downs of Penelope’s divorce, Ryan’s workaholism; but until recently I had never so much as left a single comment on any of their blogs. Your first reaction might be: creep! But something like 90% of blog readers are equally creepy lurkers. Chances are, you are lurking right now and will read, digest, and move along without ever saying a thing to me (including you, email subscribers - I know who you are!). You’ll never voice your opinion. So before you call me a creep, don’t forget what you’re doing right now: creeping.

Daring to commit your opinions and your intellectual thoughts down in words, permanently etched into pixels in cyberspace, is unnerving. It takes balls that most people don’t have, and that is why the vast majority of users of the Web are what we so affectionately refer to as lurkers. They’re afraid to voice their opinion and let anyone who Googles them find them; afraid that someone will disagree and criticize them.

I was one of those, and I was hiding. And for a long time that was a theme in my life: hiding. I have about 4 drafts of blog posts I have written over the years, saved in my archives, about how I hide different parts of my life from everyone. But, in my typical fashion, I never posted one of them. Because it takes courage to even blog in the first place. It makes you an outlier, it makes you different, and that opens you up to a whole new level of scrutiny.

Blogging is at once intensely personal, yet unnervingly public. And it connects people in the most individual, human, personal way. Of my college-age friends, I have very few who have blogs. And when one of them first started her blog, she proceeded to get mocked and made fun of behind her back, constantly. Her blog is a joke to the rest of them, constantly bantered about; every new post is gossip fodder, eagerly devoured. Spending so much time around people like that had left me paralyzed, afraid to just be who I am; and prancing around in that living charade was exceptionally tiring. Why did I care about these people again? It was illogical and irrational.

The difference between me pre-blog and me post-blog is simple: I went from an invisible, hiding lurker to a real person, and an outlier. Seems simple, but that transformation is empowering in a way you’d never expect. I went from letting others define me to defining myself. Instead of always having to hide what I do from people, I can just…be. I have something to say that is worth saying, and I actively contribute to the conversation.

It’s no longer a simple matter of writing a blog and hoping someone reads: it overflows into every other area of my life. Now, I want to have more conversations and put out my opinion on everything. I want to seek out new people and new perspectives and constantly learn from everyone around me. I want to explore new ideas, challenge them, and be challenged. I want to do something worth doing, instead of just what everyone else is doing. And sadly, though perhaps not surprisingly, most people aren’t willing to do that. But blogger are.

The mockers matter less and less, because, really, I’d rather drop them from my life now. When one of my favorite writers, who is far, far more successful than me, emailed me out of the blue and told me she loved a piece I wrote, the game changed a little. When my work started to get noticed by some others, the game changed a little. I no longer care to be just one of millions of college kids that are exactly the same. Who wants to blend in?

I realized I am different from them, but instead of continuing to try to hide it I started to reluctantly embrace it. I constantly strive to be an outlier, to be above and beyond, to put myself out there and be someone who challenges the status quo — and not someone who maintains it. I no longer want to be part of the norm. As one blogger said, that’s fifth place, when I know I want first. But if your presence is never known, how will you make an impact? How will you leave your mark? The simple act of voicing your opinion and expressing yourself means you are challenging the status quo, however insignificant you feel. But if you aren’t visible, to the world you don’t exist. If you’re just lurking and not participating, you’re outdated, obsolete, last year’s season. That’s not even fifth place; that’s invisibility.

Now, I’m no longer letting things happen to me. I don’t let others tell me what to do. I don’t believe in destiny; I just go out and make things happen. And I tend to brazenly defy everyone who doesn’t believe me. I realized that the way I defined myself and my life had to change. And in doing so, I won the inner battle that has been raging inside of me for twenty years. I killed the inner critic, the voice that stops so many people from doing great things. I stopped living for what other people think, and started living solely to create an impact and a difference.

And blogging, and everything and everyone that came with it, are what forced that change.

So when I sat down to write a post about how blogging has changed my life, many things came to mind. I wanted to write something as flawless as Andrew Sullivan’s brilliant essay, “Why I Blog.” But I am not Andrew Sullivan, so I can’t. Instead I thought of all the things I had learned, the advice I had gained, the opportunities I’ve received, the people I had interviewed and the late night discussions I’ve had when I could have been studying. And those have all been amazing things. But to this day, nothing compares to the surprising rush of empowerment that comes in that moment when you hold your breath and hit the ‘Publish’ button. It’s your blog, and no one can fuck with you there.

It’s something those legions of lurkers will never understand.

—–

(Hat tip to BC - what a challenge. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever written!)

Nisha Chittal is a writer and journalist who currently serves as Associate Editor of CitizenJanePolitics.com and is a political columnist for UniversityChic.com. Her personal blog is Politicoholic, where she offers commentary on a range of topics, including but not limited to politics, technology, and the changing role of women and Generation Y in politics today.

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Forget careers. Blogging changes lives

“If you don’t want to, then don’t,” my mother replies.

But it’s more complicated than that, and I tell her why. I tell her that I really do what to be with him - a lot - but I don’t know how. I tell her that I’ve been sabotaging the relationship, and I don’t know how to stop. I confess everything, and feel the weight dissipate.

“You do look for problems,” she says. “You push things too far. You test people too much. That’s not good. So now you need to figure out if you’re going to mature and grow up or not.”

I’m silent because normally my mother tells me how great I am, how I can do no wrong, and how all men suck. It is the Gen Y parenting creed. But tonight, I am not so lucky.

“Why do you think you’re picking fights?” my mother presses. “You must be doing it for a reason – a lack of confidence in yourself, or in him?”

I concede that I don’t feel like my life is together enough to be in a relationship. And that I’m worried Zeus will sell his company, get rich and dump me. Or we’ll get married, live happily and divorce at the age of 40. Or that he won’t remember to suggest we eat something when I’m moody. Because I get cranky when I’m hungry.

These are the things I worry about. I am a woman. And this is what we do.

Women need constant reassurance, and the only way we know how to get it is to fight, and push buttons, and push past the buttons all the way to the brink of breaking up, so we can see – will he be there then?

My mother argues men can deal with this at first, but it adds up and is like a brick falling from the sky each time. It builds and it is cumulative and eventually they have a wall, and they think I don’t need this. I don’t need to be unhappy, nothing I do ever works or helps, and I can’t make her happy. This isn’t the way I want to live, men think.

And there’s a limit to what a man can take, my mother says.

“And you - ” she continues, “you need to live for today and for you. You can’t know the future. And nothing about your past relationships is pertinent for today. You have to resist the urge to fight. Resist the urge to be angry in an instant over nothing, resist pushing to the breaking point constantly.”

Careers are like this. Maybe you have an idea, or you really want something, or all of your dreams are suddenly within reach. But you make up excuses of why you can’t get there. You prove every hypothesis on why it won’t work. You extrapolate the worst. You don’t call people when you should. You think less of yourself than you used to. You ask others to comfort your decisions. You trip over your own accomplishments just to see – are you on the right path?

Lucky for you, careers are often just as forgiving and patient as men in the beginning, but you have to grow up for continued success. You have to mature before the wall seems insurmountable.

“It is work,” my mother concludes. “It’s a lot of work. But if it’s truly in your heart, you have to do that. You have to work to make it happen.”

Motherly advice.

Rebecca Thorman (www.modite.com) gives career advice for the next generation of workers. Barely out of college, Rebecca job-hopped her way to becoming the Executive Director of MAGNET, an organization dedicated to attracting and retaining young talent in her region. During that time, she also began authoring the blog Modite, featured in several media outlets including the New York Times as the key community for Generation Y leadership. Rebecca is known for writing candidly from experience.

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Careers are like relationships, so ask your mom for advice

In this current economy there is one thing we can be certain of…change. It may be good change or bad change, but we can expect to experience lots of changes. Mom entrepreneur Rebecca Rodskog is the owner of Rodskog Change Consulting. Established in 2007, the company helps people grow through change.

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Inspiring Women: Rebecca Rodskog

Here are a few things to remember about word of mouth.

1. In order for WOM to work well for your company or you as a person, you MUST have a clear, concise message that others can carry easily and repeat to people they know. For instance, I have a friend who reviews property taxes for commercial buildings, if you are over paying then she will file an appeal and get you a refund of the over payments. That message is too long…here is the message that everyone carries for her….. Denise takes the pain out of property taxes, you should call her.  Simple, easy for others to remember.  Most business people have a muddled message.

2. WOM is the most dangerous form of marketing, in that you cannot control people. They may carry the wrong message or a negative message.

3. Word of Mouth is always working, it just may not be working in your favor. Negative WOM travels faster than positive WOM.  Dr. Misner discusses this topic in the book, Truth or Delusion.

I remind BNI members and Referral Institute graduates regularly that WOM is always working. It is important for them to keep the message simple, consistent, and positive. A great message backed up by poor service or a poor image is going to create Negative WOM.

Hazel  owns and operates a franchisee of Referral Institute, a worldwide referral marketing training organization. As a Master Trainer, Hazel provides business-expansion expertise to entrepreneurs and corporations by teaching business professionals comprehensive referral marketing stratagem. In 2006, her franchise earned both the Top-Grossing Franchise award and the honor of hosting the Referral Institute International Conference.

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Word of Mouth is Always Working

Case in point, take the dramatic fall of one of Wall Street’s alleged top brokers Bernard Madoff who, as we have recently learned, bilked billions from countless ultra net worth (and supposedly highly sophisticated) investors through an intricate, multi billion dollar Ponzi scheme–one of the biggest cases of securities fraud in modern history!

(From the Wall Street Journal on December 12, 2008)

“Mr. Madoff’s asset-management business appealed to investors for its remarkably steady returns for investing in the stock market. His investors consistently enjoyed small monthly gains, usually between zero and 2%. Mr. Madoff told investors his strategy was to trade in and out of large-cap stocks and buy options on those shares to help smooth the ups and downs. When he failed to see opportunities in the market, he would shift to U.S. Treasuries, according to fund marketing documents and people familiar with his strategy.”

“Mr. Madoff’s Fairfield Sentry Ltd., a hedge fund run by Madoff Investment Services to invest in shares in the S&P 100, claimed to be up 5.6% through the end of November, a period when the Standard & Poor’s 500-stock index was down 37.65%. In October, Fairfield Sentry was said to be down 0.06%, a month when the S&P 500 lost 16.8%. Since its inception in December 1990, the fund averaged a 10.5% annual return, according to fund documents.”

“Bernie Madoff’s returns aren’t real and if they are real, then they would almost certainly have been generated by front-running customer order flow from the broker-dealer arm of Madoff Investment Securities LLC,” Mr. Markopolos wrote to the SEC in November 2005.The SEC declined to comment on the matter.”

As a financial advisor, please heed my suggestion–never do business with a financial professional who does not separate the custody function from the advice function. More importantly, if you do not know what the advisor is buying on your behalf, find out. This lack of transparency, or “black box model” of investing is one my biggest reservations about investing in hedge funds. I suspect that many investors are going to start asking many more questions of their managers and might be much less tolerant of black box managers in the future.

The WSJ article continued to say:

“Mr. Madoff’s investors described their shock and panic on Thursday. Susan Leavitt of Tampa Bay, Fla., said she had several million dollars of inherited money invested in the firm and added $500,000 earlier this year. A stay-at-home mother with two children, the 46-year-old Ms. Leavitt says she is considering going back to work. “That was my nest egg for the children, and my future. I’ll never see much back, I’m sure,” she said. Ms. Leavitt said she recently discussed her investment with a friend who told her he was suspicious about the firm’s ability to generate such profits amid the economic crisis. “I thought, ‘He’s probably just jealous,’ ” said Ms. Leavitt. “We’ve been with [Mr. Madoff] for 15 years, and it’s grown every year at 10%.”

I’ll close this entry just as I started it:

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!

Cathy Pareto, MBA, CFP®, AIF® is the Founder and President of Cathy Pareto & Associates, Inc. For over twelve years, Cathy has been helping financial consumers and professionals understand the world of investments and finance with a sound, but down to earth money management approach. For over a decade Cathy was a Senior Financial Advisor for another Miami based investment advisory firm, where she managed over $200 million in assets for high net worth clients and retirement plans. She has extensive experience in retirement issues, asset allocation, investment selection, investment management, education planning, estate planning coordination, and asset protection strategies. Additionally, she was an Adjunct Professor and Faculty Coordinator for the CFP® Program at Florida International University’s College of Business.

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If It Sounds To Good To Be True, It Probably Is

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Fear of Flying

With joyful fondness, I remember my childhood years sitting on Santa’s lap while my mom photographed us.  Years later, my sister and I would giggle over our toothless grins, obnoxious hair-dos and outlandish fashion statements.  Pictures with Santa are truly a happy childhood memory for me and something I wanted to recreate for my children.  However, over the years, I have grown such a strong distaste for our local mall Santas.   

During my motherhood years, I shuffled my children off to the mall dressed in holiday attire to sit on Santa’s lap.  I would start snapping photos only to be told to refrain from taking pictures by an angry Santa helper.  Despite an angry elf hollering at me, I continued snapping pictures.   

Then, last year’s experience ended our annual visit to Santa.  After another scuffle with an angry elf, I discovered an uncooperative Santa had photobombed my pictures by not looking at the camera.  Thanks for your fine example of the Christmas spirit, Santa.

Christmas 2007

After our disappointing Santa experience last Christmas, I had an a-ha moment and drew a line in the sand.  The Santa spot is simply another kiosk in the mall trying to sell you something, which is no different from the perfume kiosk or the beautiful hands kiosk.  The mall Santa is a cleverly crafted marketing scheme by the shopping mall Scrooges and photography studios to squeeze money from consumers.  As a result, we spend year after year getting sucked into the holiday madness with must-have Christmas toys, jolly Christmas merchandise disguised as a spontaneous new traditions (such as the latest hideous craze, the Elf on a Shelf) and photographs with Santa as to not miss out on any of the holiday version of keeping up with the Jones.  

Growing up as a child, the department stores offered Santa as a service to the community.  Of course, it was a way to draw customers, but a visit with Santa was free and you could take as many pictures as you wanted without an angry elf or shop owner telling you otherwise.   

A few years ago, on our visit to the U.K., we stumbled upon a department store Father Christmas, who happily chatted with Allana.  He graciously smiled and posed for photos.  After our chance encounter, he gave Allana a book as a gift.  No purchase was necessary to enjoy a visit with Father Christmas or the book.  

 Nowadays in the U.S., everything is about ways to get people to spend money.  The cheapest portrait with Santa is approximately $16.  Why should anyone be forced or even coerced into buying a photo of their child crying in Santa’s lap which will only be shoved into a pile with other tacky and useless portraits, like school portraits?  (At least school portraits are a fundraiser for the schools.)  If I choose to snap my own Santa photos, it costs the portrait studio nothing to hit the delete button.  

The new mall that opened in our area, The Shops at Wiregrass, is hosting an hourly Christmas light show each night until Christmas.  The Symphony in Lights is choreographed to the music of Trans Siberian Orchestra and this free show is a spectacular sight.   

Hiding behind the gigantic, twlinking Christmas trees is the Santa kiosk with a very short line and a sign that states, “Please refrain from using your personal photographic equipment”.  

How can this mall justify the expense for an extravagant light show, which included paying the rights to use the music of Trans Siberian Orchestra and the astronomical electricity bill of said show, but can not budget the cost to hire their own Santa as a service to the community?  

When visiting Walt Disney World or Universal Studios, a cast member will gladly snap a picture of your family if asked.  There’s no guilt or shame involved and certainly no high pressure sales pitch to purchase a portrait before you leave the theme park.     

Every mall in our area is owned by a number of large corporations and could easily afford to hire their own Santa or fleet of Santas to work throughout the holiday season.  The malls could allow parents to take their own photographs, but also offer portrait packages as an additional service without the high-pressure sales pitch from an angry elf.  Perhaps, the elves could even offer to take pictures, like a Disney or Universal cast member.   

In my perfect little Santa Workshop, a sign would suggest monetary donations for a local homeless shelter.  No purchase would be necessary to visit with Santa and the Santa helpers would happily offer to take family snapshots with your personal photographic equipment.  If you choose to buy a portrait, then a portion of each portrait sale would be donated to a local homeless shelter.  Near the Santa Workshop, visitors would find a toy collection box for needy children and another collection box for a local food bank.   

In this scenario, the true spirit of Christmas would be evident.  Feeling the Christmas spirit, visitors, like me, would be more incline to give a $20 donation to feed and clothe the homeless rather than buy a useless portrait of their children.  It would be a green, charitable Christmas for me, saving the fate of a few trees from becoming printing paper while giving more green to those in need.  

Why during these trying times are we seeing more Grinches and Scrooges when more families feel like Bob Cratchit?   

With a looming recession, an increasing number of people out of work and many families losing their homes, homeless shelters are being flooded with families and hitting a record high this year.  

I had hoped that our local malls and department stores would have a change of heart this season.  I know I have had a change of heart by refusing to take part in the mall Santa experience.   

More families cutting back on frivolous spending could explain the shorter line to visit with Santa.  Or perhaps, more people, like me, are choosing to remember the true spirit of Christmas.  Hopefully, the mall Scrooges will remember their Christmas pasts and the Grinches of the corporate world will stop trying to steal Christmas.  

Where are you Christmas?  Why can’t the malls find you?

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Where Are You Christmas?

Me talk money one day

This particular instance which I’ve described above recently happened to me.

I felt even more worthless when I got off the phone with said client and realized I was so busy trying to sell myself that I’d forgotten to bring up my rates. In all honestly, my proposal outlined my hourly billing rates and he had skimmed it and given his initial “ok” but we’d never had a conversation specifically related to how much he was planning on paying me.

Ambiguity doesn’t sit well with me and in business, it’s the kiss of death. I realize that if I can’t have such a conversation with my potential client it might not bode well for our relationship longevity, but I opt not to think so deeply on this one. I don’t think it’s such a simple cause-and-effect.

I choose to think that much like I don’t like having to tell my boss I’m taking a vacation and might conveniently forget to mention it a few times before I eventually bring it up, this is another example of a conversation I’d rather not have because it makes me

uncomfortable and ok, if you want to get deep here, I fear (more than the rejection) that ugly word: Conflict.

I’m not throwing in the towel on this project or this client. Yesterday I had to send him a document I created and I used that as an opportunity to remind him of my rates. Sure, it’s a bit of a pansy move and it does little to further the line of DIRECT communication, but work with me here. It’s a start.

Worker Biatch is a wannabe Gen Xer (or “Millenial” as those labelists like to emphatically reduce her existence to) that has spent too much time in a cubicle. It’s a good thing she doesn’t go by labels or should might more accurately describe herself as a cusp middle child, stuck somewhere between the Xs and the Ys. Whatever the case may be, she’s accumulated some serious material over her years. She’s convinced this material hasn’t been too kind to her fragile psyche, but has made her a much wiser person overall and most likely funnier as a result.

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If I’m so tough, why can’t I speak money?

Back-to-back meetings were totally do-able (and didn’t require a second thought!) before my daughter was born. In the past three years, however, although it is possible for me to make it through a fully-booked day, it can be really dangerous for my physical and mental health.

I end up feeling depleted, have almost nothing left to give to my family in the evening, and there is definitely no room for self-care. Without the energy to bolster myself, this depletion extends into the following work day, making the cycle come full-circle and thus impact both my personal and my professional lives.

Today I didn’t realize that I had (once again) booked myself in back-to-back intensive meetings until I was halfway through them. Luckily, I was able to squeeze in 15 minutes between my mid-day and afternoon meetings to breathe deeply and realize what I had done. Then, as soon as my afternoon meeting was complete, I went home, took a bath, and sat on the couch daydreaming for 30 minutes before diving into the piles of paperwork that accumulate after a day of meetings.

Based on these actions, I was able to get a lot of work done in the hour between my daydreams and the excited “MOMMY!” that came from downstairs when my daughter came home. I was able to leave my desk and greet her and my husband with joy and excitement and even, yes, a little bit of energy.

Is this balance? I’m not sure, but it definitely feels better than trying to be Superwoman!

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I Am Not Superwoman

******************

Amy Adams, mother of three - ages 21, 19 and 10, is a partner in the professional junk removal company 1-800-GOT-JUNK? Atlanta South franchise. Amy and her husband started their franchise along with Amy’s father, Jerry Grayson, in May of 2006. Since then they have been helping people remove junk from their homes to ensure that it does not end up in landfills. Items that are reusable are donated to Atlanta local charities such as Clothes Less Traveled and Blessings Thrift Store for Haven House. Any other recyclables go to Dell Walker’s Enviro Recyclers, including plastic, glass, cardboard, metal, wood, concrete, soil and e-waste. Amy admits that tough economic times means people are less willing to pay her to take away their junk. Here is her story…

How has this economy affected you, your business and your family?
I realize I had a pretty easy ride when I first opened my business and now I’m really learning what it’s like to find new residential customers and commercial clients. This has undoubtedly put some strain on me and ultimately my family – I’m working harder than ever before - but this experience is also making me a more confident entrepreneur.

How are you making lemonade from lemons?
I’ve really had to reevaluate who my customers are in down times – there’s always business to be found you just have to recognize new market needs. I decided to focus on two key areas that did not require much financial investment but helped me capture a relevant market:

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Inspiring Women: Amy Adams

This is a side to side comparison of two of the best online financial sites: Yahoo Finance and Google Finance.  Yahoo is still the largest and most popular finance site by far but Google is serious about finance.  Let’s see how the two financial portals stack up against each other.

Speed

Google Finance: Typical fast-loading Google pages.  Google’s site is broad and doesn’t go deep.  Pages for individual stocks are only 1 page deep (Google links out for things like option chains, major holder, etc.)

Yahoo Finance: Yahoo Finance is fast.  As opposed to Google, Yahoo content resides primarily on Yahoo pages and Yahoo is responsible for page load speed throughout the site.  This can fluctuate as any large website can throughout the day.

Charting

Google Finance: Google primarily uses a simple javascript-loaded chart without any bling.  It loads fast and allows easy to manipulate x-axis (time period).  When you’re figuring out what a particular stocks has done over the past 17 days, the chart also calculates the return for a given time frame beyond the standard 1-day, 5-day, 3 month, etc. time period.  Google also plots news events onto their charts which is kind of cool (not necessarily tradeable).

Yahoo Finance: Yahoo Finance charts are much more robust.  Advanced charts have incorporated a similar charting function like Google’s and provides an overlay of numerous technical indicators (MACD, RSI).  Because these charts are so powerful, they also tend to be bulky and seize up.

Real Time Quotes

Google Finance: Google provides real time quotes both during market hours and pre- and post- market.  Google’s quotes on market indices tend to skew erratically during the transition to an open market as well as trails when the market makes large moves to the upside or downside.

Yahoo Finance: Yahoo also provides real time quotes both during market hours and off.  Yahoo’s premarket quotes are not as reliable as Google’s.  Yahoo occasionally doesn’t have a price premarket for a wide array of stocks.  Yahoo has a scrolling ticker as well for stocks that is personalized to the behavior of the user.

Breadth

Google Finance: Google gives basic info all on one page.  Anything more a user needs to link off.  News, financial info, blogs all included.  Very shallow, quick and dirty use.  Google does a good job bringing in blog content but lacks good, standardized PR content, still necessary in the research process.

Yahoo Finance: Yahoo provides an entire research environment.  All the content and data is supplied by Yahoo.  From major holders to options chains to blogs and PR, Yahoo is a virtual poor man’s Bloomberg.

Innovation

Google Finance: Google allows users to download data, making the site more portable than we’ve traditionally seen.  Google portrays the data environment well around a stock.  Beyond that, nothing particularly innovative about what Google’s done so far.
Yahoo Finance: Yahoo F