Stumbling upon quaint mom and pop shops makes visiting small towns a real treat and Black Bear Books in Boone, North Carolina is no exception.  

After freezing our snowballs off snow tubing, Allan and I decided to warm up in a bookstore that touted “FIREPLACE” on its marquis.  Sipping hot chocolate next to a fierce fire while reading a local newspaper seemed like a delightful way to defrost.

Upon entering the bookstore, we were surprised by its large stature.  At the back of the store, the girls quickly located the children’s section complete with stacks of award winning literature, a train table and wooden puzzles. 

In such a cozy atmosphere, we found it all too easy to settle into this homey bookstore.  Once we found the regional children’s literature section and a collection of the owner’s son’s favorite books, the girls and I swayed in wooden rocking chairs as we read books from each collection. 

The owner, Karen Walker, welcomed us into her second home with free hot chocolate for the girls and coffee for Allan.  Her hospitality warmed us better than the fireplace. 

Ms Walker shared some of her favorite children’s books with the girls and her own life’s story with Allan and me.  We enjoyed a brief history lesson of her family and the remarkable journey that brought her to settle in Boone. 

Allana curled up in the corner of the children’s stacks reading book after book while Emmalynn played with the puzzles and I snuck away for a few minutes to explore the adult fictional regional section since I prefer bringing books home as souvenirs rather than t-shirts or trinkets. 

While exploring the store, I discovered the employee’s favorite picks, which included some of my favorite reads, such as Pillars of the Earth and Wicked.  Meghan, a young sale associate, offered a brief description of some of the other books spotlighted on the shelves and explained that Ms. Walker holds a contesteach month to see which employee’s picks sell the most books. By choosing Tom Robbins Jitterburg Perfume, we helped one associate get a little closer to winning the prize. 

I returned to the regional fictional literature to continue my hunt for a book set in the Appalachians.  After reading the titles and their summaries over several times, I found one that offered just the scenery I craved: Cataloochee. 

For the girls, I grabbed the Appalachian ABCs and coincidentally, Emmalynn and Allana both selected regional books as well.  Allana chose Jack and the Dragon, which tells the adventure of an Appalachian folk hero.  Emmalynn picked Blue Bowl Down.  Its lovely sing-song pattern deserves a banjo accompaniment.

Ms. Walker continued to pour the hospitality along with the coffee and our visit at Black Bear Books lasted nearly two hours.  So taken with Allana’s love for reading, Ms. Walker offered her a free copy of one of her many Magic Tree House Books and Allana chose Magic Tree House #17: Tonight on the Titanic.

As we wrapped up our visit at the register, Allana noticed Ms. Walker’s collection of gems.  Allana expressed her love for rocks and Ms. Walker insisted that we pay her friend, Doc, a visit at his gem mine before we left Boone as most of the gems proudly displayed in her case came from Doc’s Rocks Gem Mine.  Excited about the prospects she would find there, we promised to take Allana the next day upon Ms. Walker’s recommendation.  To hold them over until then, Ms. Walker gave each girl a gem, however, Ms. Walker and our experience at Black Bear Books was the most precious gem we uncovered that day. 

 ***Photo of Karen and Chris Walker and their son, Caleb, was borrowed from The Mountain Times.***

There have long been misconceptions…about training and conception. 

Norwegian University just released a study which analyzed exercise and it’s impact on fertility over a ten year span.  Researchers studied 3000 women and found that two factors were associated with increased likelihood of infertility:

1. Training every single day
2. Training to exhaustion (regardless of frequency and duration)

This turned out to hold true even after researchers adjusted for other infertility factors (body mass, smoking, previous pregnancies, etc.).

In fact, women who worked out every single day were a whopping 3.5 times more likely to have fertility problems.  Those who exercised everyday to exhaustion had the HIGHEST risk of fertility problems.

The good news is that these factors were reversible, so once training was reduced to more moderate levels (of frequency and intensity) fertility levels rose as well. 

Researchers believe that extreme energy expenditure of exhaustive exercise alters the body’s ability to maintain the normal hormone function essential to the fertility.

That said it’s important not to stop working out all together because good overall fitness is still important for general health, including fertility.  In fact, very low levels of fitness (and obesity) are also associated with conception problems.

Moderate exercise 3-5 times per week is probably fine and beneficial for most women, but every woman is different.  Women should be particularly concerned when their training is associated with missed periods, irregular periods or no periods at all.  Menstrual irregularities are a powerful indicator that hormone function is being negatively impacted by training. 
Geralyn Coopersmith, MA, CSCS is an exercise physiologist, certified personal trainer, author of Fit + Female:  The Complete Fitness and Nutrition Game Plan for Your Unique Body Type and the creator of The Best Me Ever, a comprehensive weight loss and wellness system just for women.  It’s a first of its kind program designed to fit into a busy women’s life.  Lose weight and look great — 90 Day Unconditional Money Back Guarantee!!

For years, I have coveted over a platter that hangs in my friend’s kitchen.  Her young child’s precious handprint forms a turkey in the center with the words “Give Thanks” cascading over the top of the dish. 

I have always loved that memento and vowed someday I would take my children to a “paint your own pottery” place to create the same platter with them. 

Truth be told, I don’t have patience for paint your own pottery places.  Those places drain the life out of me.  There’s way too many color choices and way too many breakables lying about for my four year old to literally act like a bull in a china shop.  Therefore, my inability to make stupid decisions paired with my “You break it; you buy it” fear has kept me away.  I simply avoid the scene entirely and we find other ways to let our creative juices flow without shattering dishes along with our self-esteem. 

Then, last week Allana, Emmalynn and I attended a birthday party at You Do the Dishes in New Tampa.  My girls were thrilled to paint a small figurine and begged me to paint more.  Finally, I felt the inspiration to paint a handprint turkey platter.  The timing was perfect.  The staff was so helpful and hands-on that my anxiety over perfectionism and colors was greatly reduced. 

Ready to gobble up more fun, the girls were so excited to paint a dish for Mommy.  I couldn’t believe what angels sat before me.  Allana picked the colors without hesitation and Emmalynn avoided knocking over shelves of pottery.  Plus, the supportive staff helped make our handprint project a success. 

A few days later, our turkey handprint platter was ready.  I couldn’t wait to see how it came out!  I finally possessed my own precious timeless piece to hang in my kitchen! 

And then, my heart sank.  A large crack appeared down the center of the platter.  My precious turkey dish was now trash. 

I began to feel sorry myself and whined about not having a turkey platter for Thanksgiving.  I had waited years for this dish and now it seemed I was the real turkey. 

The owner explained that occasionally the heat in the kiln will causes pieces to crack and she reassured me I could make another at no additional cost. 

Even though I could easily make another, could I replicate the whole experience?  Would my children be as willing and well-behaved as before? 

Then, I realized how ridiculously shallow I sounded.  It’s just a dish. 

I should be thankful that my children have hands to make turkey handprints. 

I should be thankful that I can even afford to make this dish when other families lack food for their dishes. 

I should be thankful that I have a car to drive to pottery place and a home for us and all our belongings. 

I should be thankful that I have two healthy children and be grateful for every moment we spend together even when they drive my crazy. 

I should be thankful for my health and my husband’s health. 

From this experience, I was grateful for my cracked dish and the lesson in humility it gave me.  Like the dish, my life is not perfect but it’s full of many blessings.  So, for my husband, my two beautiful girls, the occasional cracked dish, the handprints and marker murals on walls and the many other messy blessings in my life… 

I give thanks.

Parents and educators understand the importance of teaching problem solving skills to children.  Sometimes it can be difficult to sit back and watch children fumble through mistakes to learn the best path; however, through real-world experiences the process becomes more meaningful. 

By demonstrating problem solving skills, we guide our children to make informed decisions and determine the best choice.  Children’s books make great tools to help teach our children this process and with the aid of Hot on the Range, problem solving and decision making skills are modeled to young children.  

In Hot on the Range, a young horse discovers the best way too cool himself on a hot summer day in Texas.  Through a series of events, Chester learns that sometimes the best way to do something for one isn’t always the best solution for another.  As he fumbles through his mistakes, he eventually uncovers the solution to his problem with the help of his master.  Through trial and error and patience, Chester discovers the best solution to his problem. 

Typically in juvenile fiction, the elements of fantasy and humor teach lessons to young readers.  The author, R.D. Jentsch, uses real animal behavior and instincts to teach problem solving to her audience.  When reading this story, young readers will learn how a horse survives the Texas heat as well as understanding the decision-making process.    

Since my girls (ages 7 and 4) love horses, they were instantly drawn to the story.  David C. Bryant’s beautiful water color illustrations held their attention.  Parents and educators will appreciate its simple lesson on problem solving and trial and error.  

Hot on the Range is available at Amazon or you can visit hotontherange.com.  R. D. Jentsch’s second book, Froggy and Friends Go to the Creek, is due to be released on August 29, 2009.

Do you feel your child is out of control? If so, it is important to understand how out of control children are often the result of parents without boundaries.

1. Out of control behavior occurs because we allow it.

• We teach children how to behave by the way we behave. If you lose your temper and become frustrated, that is the behavior you are teaching your child.
• Children intuitively know whether you mean what you say.
• Unless you are willing to be inconvenienced when disciplining your child, you will never be able to go the distance in getting the job done. 

1. It’s a child’s basic nature to test limits.

• It is a child’s basic nature to say yes and go, when we say no and stop.
• This is what children do. This response is not so much testing you as it is testing for them.
• How far can they go and stretch before someone says stop and means it? They are waiting for someone to say stop.

1. Children need boundaries to feel safe and understand the world.

• You need to win.  That means you are willing to do whatever it takes to make them feel safe.
• Boundaries create safety; they give children parameters for moving about in this crazy world.
• Out of control children are yearning for boundaries, stopping posts along the way that give direction and grounding.

1. Regardless of age, children are smart and instinctively understand family dynamics. Ex. How to pit mother against father.

• The most important aspect of parenting is for one parent to be in sync with the other.
• Children automatically recognize the weak link and if they feel they can get their way by pitting one parent against another that is what they will do.
• This is normal and natural and what all healthy children do.

1. Nothing controls behavior better than discipline and love. (You may not like or tolerate your child’s behavior, but you can still love him.)

• If you are out of control, your child will be out of control.
• It is important to distinguish between behavior and essence.
• You can not like your child’s behavior but still love your child – and you need to make sure your child understands that.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Divorce can be one of the most stressful times of your life- it’s painful finishing your relationship, it can get messy and when children are involved it gets even more emotionally complicated. You have to deal with your own pain, and try your best to help your children through it, too. Kids all react to divorce differently. You’ll need to be both strong emotionally and patient with them, because children tend to cope with divorce by acting out in some ways. A few steps you can take to help make the change for your kids as painless as possible:

1. Talk to them. They’ll need to know exactly what changes will happen, in the most straight-forward language as possible. This means no playing the blame-game or pointing fingers at your almost-ex. You should both show your children a united front, letting them know that it has nothing to do with them. That you still love them unconditionally, even if your relationship with your partner has changed. Also watch what and how you say things to other people when your children are around. They’ll be listening closely and any additional negativity will be picked up on.
2. Make the change gradually. Try to keep things as normal as possible. Small changes over a period of time helps children adjust to the divorce. You should also include them in the process, or explaining as you go why these changes are happening. The more honest you are, without judgment, the better off your kids will be in understanding and coping.
3. Let them express themselves. They’ll be adjusting just as much as you are to the divorce. Keep tabs on their emotions, and pay attention to any changes or mood swings. Let them tell you how they’re feeling openly. They might not say what you want to hear but they need to know their feelings are just as important as yours. They shouldn’t feel like they’re walking on eggshells, and if they think they have to hold things in they’ll be reactive later.
4. Be supportive. Helping your children cope with your divorce involves a lot of security issues. They need full knowledge that they’ll have some changes, but that they’ll still be loved and taken care of by both of you. This doesn’t mean that you should shower them with toys, but give them emotional affection. Remember that each child reacts differently: some will be much quieter, some will act as if nothing happened or that there aren’t any changes and some will have behavior issues, even months after the divorce.
5. Give yourself time for you. You’ll need to be strong enough for both you and your children, which means keeping to the same schedules they’re used to, eating right and taking care of yourself. You’ll have your own emotional needs to take care of- it’s a long process. The best way you can help your children with the divorce is by making sure you’re OK.

It will be difficult getting you and your family through the divorce. But you can do it. Realizing how to help your children cope can help you put the pieces back together. Giving you all the ability to move forward in a positive way.

Book Review – Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Lois P Frankel, PhD

By: Amy Franko

As women entrepreneurs, mompreneurs, business owners, and professionals, there are certain behaviors we have been socialized to engage in that can sabotage our success.

Women have typically been socialized to:

• Avoid conflict
• Be polite and soft-spoken
• Be relationship oriented
• Avoid assertive behavior
• Put the needs of others before our own
• Behave like girls!

Lois Frankel, author of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, outlines 101 of the biggest mistakes women unconsciously make that hurt their credibility, career advancement, and businesses. I’m a huge fan of this book, and wish I had it when I started my first job! Today, as an entrepreneur, these concepts are still valuable in my relationships with clients, colleagues, and business partners.

To make the most of the book’s format and tips, the opening self-assessment pinpoints your top areas to address. From there, the book is organized into eight chapters that serve as a coaching guide. It’s easy to move around within the book, work on those mistakes that are affecting you most, and refer back to it later.

Three of my favorite areas that Dr. Frankel addresses:

How you sound. How you sound accounts for almost 40% of your credibility. People quickly make decisions about you and whether or not they want to continue listening to your message. The word choices you make, how you organize and express our thoughts, and the tone of voice you use all contribute to that decision-making process. The book points out key mistakes and their fixes, such as apologizing unnecessarily, over-explaining, using fillers and non-words, and not using the language of business.

How you brand and market yourself. Regardless of whether you are a business owner or corporate professional, you are your brand. It’s your responsibility to distinguish yourself from the field, promoting who you are in a way that’s positive and reflects your integrity. Dr. Frankel points out the mistakes that put your success in jeopardy, such as failing to define your unique value, passing up high-profile assignments, or waiting to be noticed.

How you respond. This section refers to negative messages and behaviors women have been socialized to accept. Often we internalize messages from childhood that later impact our self-esteem and how we see the world. We sometimes believe we aren’t good enough or that others know more than we do. The book offers specific ways to identify and overcome these sabotaging behaviors.

I encourage you to add this book to your library – it’s a practical, well-organized, and relevant resource you’ll use often on your journey to success! For additional information and tips from the author, visit Dr. Frankel’s website.

About the Author:

Amy Franko is the owner and principal learning designer of Amy Franko Consulting. Amy is a certified Book Yourself Solid ™ business coach. The group she’s most passionate about serving is women who are solo service professionals. She uses a simple system of protocols specifically designed to help them get out into the world and bring more ideal clients into their business, even if marketing and selling isn’t something they like to do!

You can learn more about her by visiting her LinkedIn profile or following her on Twitter.

As “The Career Makeover Coach”, Tai Goodwin is on a mission to help ambitious individuals reinvent their professional lives by centering on their passion and purpose. Holding as a core belief that we are all called to divine purpose and gifted with a unique passion, Tai uses a results driven, spiritually grounded approach to help clients create career paths to support the lifestyle they desire. Whether it’s helping people go from embittered to empowered professionals or making the transition from employee to entrepreneur, Tai is committed to helping clients tap into their own potential for brilliance. Tai has been empowering others through teaching and coaching for over 14 years. A gifted and insightful communicator, Tai holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Drexel University and a Master of Science in Education from Capella University. She has completed ASTD’s (American Society for Training and Development) Coaching Certificate program and is pursuing professional coaching certification through the International Coach Academy. Originally from Philadelphia, Tai currently lives in Delaware with her daughter. She is currently working on her first book: Reclaiming Your Brilliance: Seven Ways to Take Your Life from Bright to Brilliant.

Web site: http://www.careermakeovercoach.com

Moving is a tough transition for anyone, but kids can sometimes find it especially difficult to cope with the change. For many, a big move means leaving their favorite friends, places and activities behind.  But according to the experts at RealEstate.com, there are some tried-and-true methods that will help minimize the impact of a move and make it a rewarding experience for everyone.  I thought these quick tips might be of interest to you to post!   

• Follow Established Home Routines: For all children, but especially pre-schoolers and kids in primary school, follow established home routines faithfully for the first few months after you move.  This means having dinner at the same time, serving familiar foods, watching favorite TV shows, going to bed at the same time and observing the same bedtime rituals on a day-to-day basis.   

• Let Your Child Decorate: Let your child pick the paint color; the fabric for curtains and bedspread and choose posters for the walls.  Younger children typically resist change of any kind.  If this is the case with your child, it may help to replicate the décor and furniture arrangement of his or her old room as closely as possible.  

• Help Your Child Keep Up With Old Friends: Encourage your child to write and exchange photos; arrange phone calls, visits and sleepovers on a regular basis.  Kids who are struggling to make new friends find it very relaxing and comforting to be with old buddies they don’t have to impress.

• Reinforce Their Confidence: For school-age children, reinforce your child’s confidence by enabling him or her to participate in extra-curricular activities.  Whether it’s soccer or music lessons, continuing a favorite activity or starting a new one gives you your child feelings of competence and self-esteem that don’t depend on how well he or she is fitting into the social order at the new school.