“I don’t know if I want to be with Zeus,” I say.

“If you don’t want to, then don’t,” my mother replies.

But it’s more complicated than that, and I tell her why. I tell her that I really do what to be with him – a lot - but I don’t know how. I tell her that I’ve been sabotaging the relationship, and I don’t know how to stop. I confess everything, and feel the weight dissipate.

“You do look for problems,” she says. “You push things too far. You test people too much. That’s not good. So now you need to figure out if you’re going to mature and grow up or not.”

I’m silent because normally my mother tells me how great I am, how I can do no wrong, and how all men suck. It is the Gen Y parenting creed. But tonight, I am not so lucky.

“Why do you think you’re picking fights?” my mother presses. “You must be doing it for a reason – a lack of confidence in yourself, or in him?”

I concede that I don’t feel like my life is together enough to be in a relationship. And that I’m worried Zeus will sell his company, get rich and dump me. Or we’ll get married, live happily and divorce at the age of 40. Or that he won’t remember to suggest we eat something when I’m moody. Because I get cranky when I’m hungry.

These are the things I worry about. I am a woman. And this is what we do.

Women need constant reassurance, and the only way we know how to get it is to fight, and push buttons, and push past the buttons all the way to the brink of breaking up, so we can see – will he be there then?

My mother argues men can deal with this at first, but it adds up and is like a brick falling from the sky each time. It builds and it is cumulative and eventually they have a wall, and they think I don’t need this. I don’t need to be unhappy, nothing I do ever works or helps, and I can’t make her happy. This isn’t the way I want to live, men think.

And there’s a limit to what a man can take, my mother says.

“And you – ” she continues, “you need to live for today and for you. You can’t know the future. And nothing about your past relationships is pertinent for today. You have to resist the urge to fight. Resist the urge to be angry in an instant over nothing, resist pushing to the breaking point constantly.”

Careers are like this. Maybe you have an idea, or you really want something, or all of your dreams are suddenly within reach. But you make up excuses of why you can’t get there. You prove every hypothesis on why it won’t work. You extrapolate the worst. You don’t call people when you should. You think less of yourself than you used to. You ask others to comfort your decisions. You trip over your own accomplishments just to see – are you on the right path?

Lucky for you, careers are often just as forgiving and patient as men in the beginning, but you have to grow up for continued success. You have to mature before the wall seems insurmountable.

“It is work,” my mother concludes. “It’s a lot of work. But if it’s truly in your heart, you have to do that. You have to work to make it happen.”

Motherly advice.

Rebecca Thorman (www.modite.com) gives career advice for the next generation of workers. Barely out of college, Rebecca job-hopped her way to becoming the Executive Director of MAGNET, an organization dedicated to attracting and retaining young talent in her region. During that time, she also began authoring the blog Modite, featured in several media outlets including the New York Times as the key community for Generation Y leadership. Rebecca is known for writing candidly from experience.

Do you have an Advisory Board for your business?  Have you considered it but you don’t know where to start?  An Advisory Board can be one of the best things that you can do for your business if you use it correctly.  It take work and it take commitment from everyone, done right everyone benefits.  Here are some steps to creating your Advisory Board.

1.  Select 3-10 people you believe can bring valuable assistance to your business.  I asked people who are in my network and  who new my products and services, they were raving fans. I had a high level of respect for each of them and their business success and I knew that they would hold me accountable.

2.  Ask each person if they would be willing to serve on your advisory board. You cannot get to yes if you do not open yourself to the possible no.  Let them know you value their opinion and would like to have them on your board.

3.  Let your board know how often you would meet, when you would meet, what you would like to achieve, and why you chose them to help you.

4. Set your first meeting and be prepared.  Start your meeting on time and have an agenda.  Let your board know what your goals are, what you are currently doing and what kind of things you want to do.  Let them ask you questions and get to know your board.  Above all, be completely prepared to work each time you meet.

5.  Thank your board, ask how you can help them.  I ask my board the last time we met, what it was that I could do for them.  Their response, “Keep doing what you are doing, be prepared and do what you say you will.”  I was very surprised, I am always prepared and always do what I say.  I also take great pains to find referrals for my board members.

A Board of Advisors is a great way to help you focus on your business and build strong relationships, it is a great way to strengthen your network.

are you working your Network.  I asked this question of several of the students in our Referral Dynamics Class last week and I later asked the same question of several BNI members.  In every case they said that they spent a great deal of time working their networks.  They attended the regular meeting, connecting with their fellow members, and they indeed did work their network.

Unfortunately that is not the network I was speaking of.  That is one of the places that you go to network, I was speaking to “Your” Network.  Those people whom you have in your database, those people who have met when you have been out networking.  How much time do you put into working your network, calling them up to reconnect, sending articles to them, meeting them for coffee, inviting them to events, or publishing them in your newsletter.  Do you track your activities and whom you are spending your time on?

The Referral Institute has a very handy tool called the “Networking Scorecard”.  This tool allows you to track the activities that you are spending on your network.  Creating a proactive process for nurturing your network, so when you have a need there is no problem picking up the phone and calling someone in your network and asking for help.  After all, you have spent quality time working your network.  Sometimes it is more important that you spend time developing what you have then adding more to the mix.  Once you have developed your network, then you can spend time adding more to the mix.

There is a great deal of pride in the size of a man’s, er, uhm well, you know, their network or at least the number of people in their database.  But, isn’t there an old saying about it’s not about how big it is but more about how…….um, well how well you know the people in your network?

Quality of quantity, visibility networking over credibility networking.  When you work in your network, building relationships, following up with people finding ways that you can help them and connect them you are building a stronger, more credible network. 

Recently, I wanted to meet a certain person who’s name will not be mentioned.  I began to ask my network, who had this person in their network and could they connect me.  Keep in mind, for me a connection is either a face to face introduction or a conference phone call where all three parties are on the call.  More than half my network had his name and number in their network, but only 2 people were able to pick up the phone and arrange a meeting and introduction and both of those people were willing to make that happen for me.    Only 2 people really knew the person I was looking for………so what good were the others?  What value is there in having a name and phone number in your network if you have not done anything to turn it into a relationship. 

Take time to develop your network, not just grow your network.  Take the time to build Credibility, in so doing, it will lead to Profitability! 

I had taken the time to build strong relationships with the 2 people who were willing to connect me, they were in my highly credible network and I was in theirs, so they did not hesitate to make the connection for me.   By the way, the 2 people who were able to connect me, theirs were not the biggest.

Ok, we know that the economy has gone south, credit is practically unavailable, businesses are drawing their spending back and so is the consumer, so what are you going to do as a business owner or sales manager to make sure that your business is not one of those that will be gone tomorrow?

The two places that most business want to cut back are not the wisest choices:

Training - A successful sales team or business owner stays involved with continuous training, keeping their prospecting, and sales skills sharp. This is the one place that the small business owner pinches their pennies, finding no value in quality training. It is important to keep new material in front of both the business owner and the sales teams.  Now is not the time to stop learning more about how to be a more effective sales person, how to implement referral systems that will generate higher referred prospects and how to close more deals.

Memberships -  Business Owners and Sales Managers alike begin to pull back on the networking groups and organizations where their teams have been spending time. A better result would be to diversify the organizations and make sure that you and your team are spending time in the right places with the right people and measure their results. 

After completing our course many of our clients are amazed at how much time they have invested in  networking activities that are not productive or effective.  If you and your people are out there networking then it is impotant that they be trained to do more than create visibility.  They must be able to effectively leverage their networks that become profitable for both parties.

Now is not the time to pull back, now is the time to become more strategic and more effective. 

Catching a fish is no easy feat.

While certain countries, such as Japan and Peru, show an increase in the # of female entrepreneurs, by in large, men are twice as likely to start their own businesses as women. More than that, there are very few dissimilitudes in the way both genders approach business to account for the disparity.

So what’s stopping us?

Well, for one, GEM’s study finds that women tend to be less optimistic about the risk of starting a new business or making a change. This causes women to be less confident about their ventures and as a result, the fear of failure kicks in and results in a flight response.

While fear of failure has often been attributed to killing a women’s drive, and I, for one, am no less of a chicken, in this regard, how do we go about dispelling that fear and ridding it from our consciousness?

Getting personal for a second, when I had a miscarriage earlier this year (from which I’m still reeling from a bit), my gut reaction was what an absolute failure I was. I had a similar reaction when I lost my job, a month after I had my miscarriage. It wasn’t quite as severe, but I the same feelings of shame surfaced again.

I was angry at myself for feeling like a loser, but came to realize, that falling short is perhaps a woman’s greatest insecurity. Just look at how we’re conditioned from our youth to find, not just any Alpha Male to mate with, but the one with the right genetic combination to satisfy the lofty expectations of our family and friends, and if we’re lucky to meet our own. We have to compete with how many other women? (aside from mom, sister and ex-girlfriends?)

So how do we empower women to feel confident and optimistic about change and risk without tapping into their deep-seated fears about their competencies? In short, how do we level the playing field?

The United Nations is working on an initiative called “gender mainstreaming” that is about identifying gaps and bridging understanding in developing countries. In Lativa, women-owned businesses favor hiring women and it’s proved to be an effective way of ushering a new generation of women into the workforce there. And in Finland, women-owned businesses show the most profitability so they are exploring ways to make executive roles more gender-neutral and merit-based. (as opposed to the ‘ol boys network)

With the word “Change” being tossed around like some cheap dime store whiskey lately in presidential campaigning, I’m hesitant to cheapen a sentiment here. Let’s just say the world won’t get better overnight, but progress can and should be made everyday.

This is a Question that I got on Linkedin, I thought it was very appropriate for this blog.

 In my coaching practice, clients (especially new entrepreneurs) often tell me they don’t want to nail down a specific target market because “everyone is a potential client” and/or they feel like they are missing out on business opportunities in other markets.

Have you nailed down one target market? If so, how did you go about making your choice? Did your target market choose you? How long after starting your business did it take for you to choose your target market?    Do you target more than one market? How do you balance your marketing?  Do you even believe that choosing a target market is essential to your marketing success? If not, please tell us why.

This is one of the toughest questions that I tackle with my students in the Referral Dynamics Program.  Generally business people think with a scarcity mindset, always afraid that they are going to miss out on some business regardless of the quality of the business.

For instance if I am an Insurance agent who writes insurance on anyone who has a business, then I am always running around trying to find anyone!  From the small one person business who has very little money to the multi-million dollar business.  It’s like shooting in the air and hoping that a bird will fly over.

On the other hand if I am the insurance agent who is an expert in working with Attorney Firms who have one or more partners in the Central Indiana area, I know exactly where to spend my time and my money marketing.  IF a CPA Firm calls my office and ask me to write a policy for them would I say NO?  Heck no, I would do business with them.

Declaring a target market does not mean that you cannot or may not do business with anyone else, it just means that you will have a target to aim your message to and spend your money on.  When the time comes to recruit Referral Partners they will be easy to find and easy to train.

It allows you to develop yourself as an expert so that your target market seeks you out instead of you searching for them.  It allows your customers to create a buzz about you!  Take a moment and ask yourself the following questions……..

1.  Who do I like to work with?

2.  What makes me the most money?

3.  What market do you have the greatest experiece in?

4.  Is there a market less served?

Building yourself a strong target market will allow you to work less and make more money!