Quick, which is more difficult – work or life?

Up until a year ago, both competed for my attention, each piling weight onto the seesaw to rise towards the favored position. A year ago, however, I started working at Alice and Ryan and I started hitting our stride (both of which were not without challenges, however… many, many challenges).

While working for a start-up demands hours, it demands more in mental energy, and in spiky unpredictable lengths, where the only invariable is that you know work will be stop and go. This means it’s often difficult to separate work and life, especially in the statuesque pursuit of balance, but while I used to recognize and promote blur, I’m now mindful of the distinct delineation between the two.

Smart people don’t balance two sides of the same coin – your work and life are, after all, inseparable from the backbone of your binding. You can’t push one to one side and one to the other and hope equilibrium presents itself because the entities are glued to each other and to you.

What I mean, for example, is that I cannot see Ryan and refrain from discussing at length our work. I have long agreed that behind every good man is a good woman, and likewise, the same holds true for Ryan and I on both sides. While he is the one that shows up to Brazen headquarters each day, my ideas fill his head. While I’m the one who walks into Alice each morning, Ryan’s sense and advice follows me.

More to the point, I guess, is that there is a mutual respect for what we choose to do with the majority of our day and into the night, and sometimes into our sleep and into dreams. Although when we do relate to each other our dreams from the night before, it’s not very likely to include the mention of a spreadsheet.

Right now, Ryan is across the street from me working. His offices are located diagonal from my condo, but I have yet to see him this week except for when he dropped me off from our weekend in Philly together on Sunday. I was working on a Wall Street Journal exclusive early this week, and he’s working on big plans for Brazen later this week. We also have friends, family, a basketball league, dance classes, books, blogs, grocery shopping, the gym, bill-paying and other magnitudes and minutiae of daily life competing for our attention.

Oh, and the new season of Chuck just started.

When I walk into work, much of that has to go away. I imagine this is natural for most people who enjoy their jobs, but particularly at start-ups you have to be ready to do whatever is put in front of you that day. Everything planned for the day will get eaten up by new priorities, larger plans and whether or not the toucan (our CEO) monopolizes all the time with the dolphin (our President and my direct boss). This can be best described as acting as a pivot, keeping your center, but spinning to each new person and project that appears.

One of the best parts of working at a start-up is that an idea spun in the morning has the potential to be fully realized by the afternoon. It can be that quick and magical and exhilarating. Also, the customers. When I worked for a non-profit in a trailer across from the food pantry that I was raising money for, I thought I wouldn’t again experience the rewards of being in such direct contact with the people I helped. But Alice has that.

One of the more challenging things is that blurring my work and my blog and my life to such an extent can make me very unhappy. Sometimes I feel like I’m always working which is frustrating, so I’ve tried to have clearer boundaries. I don’t really believe in work/life balance as an ideal, but no longer do I trust in work/life blur so much either.

As a generation, we’re always on. Is it okay to tweet during your workday? How often? What about talk to your significant other? Send personal emails? Do you work with your partner at night? Accept calls from the boss? Check your iPhone during a movie? Where is the line drawn and what is acceptable?

For Ryan and I, we have chosen to spend the majority of our day, not with each other, but with two different start-up companies. Our lives and relationship are more difficult and more enriched because of it. What about you? Work/life balance: truth or myth? Does it stand a chance?

Discovering your groove and creating a luscious life is all about allowing for grace through your next transition.

Today marks the third anniversary of my flight from corporate America to entrepreneurial Freedom. An auspicious occasion making me grin from ear to ear all day long.  I did it and survived.  Here we are three years later and I am no longer entrenched in the drama of what was.  This new path,  whilst still unfolding,  represents following my bliss.

Is seems only natural to post my transition story to celebrate a wicked cool week.

Enjoy!

Not too long ago my career had been dedicated to sales, mentoring, coaching and leading an exceptional sales force.

For most of my prior life, I was a woman who: was happily married, would earn a six figure income, was a loyal employee, an over achiever, traveled to exotic places, would live in my dream home, and would be involved in the highly charged corporate world forever!

Today I am a woman who: is happily married, the mother of a sweet and healthy daughter, has earned the six figure income, plus all the perks, has traveled to many delightful places, lives in the home of my dreams, and has become a successful professional life and business coach.

Commence with the Transition …

A sacred knowing or astuteness accompanies the first foray into motherhood. Children have a way of smacking you upside the head with an uber dose of what is truly critical. The miracle of child birth became the catalyst for a complete lifestyle transformation. While home on maternity leave I was watching a morning news program and became drawn to an interview with a professional life coach. The attraction was profound. I contacted the television station for more information, found a local coach to talk with, and began to learn about the business of professional coaching. “Co-Active Coaching – New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life” written by coaching pioneers, Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl was a my first coaching playbook.

When I returned to my career, the coaching process became my revitalized way to lead my sales force. Coaching in the sales environment, gave me a load of practical experience for what would become my true calling.

After a few more loyal years, the high stress levels of being a corporate creature and doing business in someone else’s boardroom was losing its appeal. Even though my career path resulted in the realization of my goals and dreams, I became completely disinterested in corporate culture and, unwilling to jump through any more flaming circus hoops for money.

It’s amusing, and disheartening, when you realize your dedication, smart work, energy, – all the things you put into your career daily – are ONLY for the sake of performing a duty and receiving a paycheck. This new found awareness helped cement my corporate world exit strategy. It was time to let go of the illusion of control that the “big bucks” created.

Not too long ago, I made one of the most important decisions in my life. The promise to leave corporate America and give my entrepreneurial calling a shot. I started preparing my exit strategy. No longer a company creature; my job was surely destroying my soul. I longed to spend my days being left alone by the “powers that be”.  Please understand, my prior career was a lot of fun and a great challenge for a long time. The reason why I excelled and stayed on the path for 18 years had a big part to do with being left alone, to do what I did best. When a new regime change took hold, the corporate culture changed drastically, which led to my slow and certain suffocation. Without the discomfort, I may have never allowed myself to consider following my dreams.

More on discomfort … I was extremely anxious giving up a significant income to go out on my own. For awhile I even tried to trick myself into staying with the CASH. Then I would ultimately realize how many people have gone before me and taken a well planned leap of faith. What ever you want to achieve you can accomplish with great discipline and imagination.

After thoughtful consideration, much manic behavior, conversations with my family and confidantes; moving forward on the path of my dreams was the ONLY option. Sharing your plans and dreams with the people who know you intimately is an excellent way to receive honest feedback. These are the same people who will hold your hand through the transition. Declaring my plan for independence helped me stay on the path to personal freedom.

For about one year, many of my evenings, weekends and lunch hours were dedicated to self awareness and studying for my professional coaching certification. This transition time included, setting a new household budget, reallocating investments, setting up a line of credit, and buying a new car (for the first time in 11 years) The plan was to build my coaching business and the True Balance brand, one day at a time, until I could give my two weeks notice.

Straddling two worlds was fairly easy. The job I no longer enjoyed was palatable because I could see, feel and taste the light of my future. The most difficult part of the divide would turn out to be leaving my sales force. Leaving them behind was my biggest cross to bear until I allowed myself to let go and to understand that each person was amazing in his or her own right and would ultimately be fine in my wake.

During this time, finding humor in the day to day corporate environment was the greatest blessing. Ultimately, you do what ever you can to NOT take yourself too seriously when working through a life changing transition. The discovery of professional humor, allowed for functioning well in the environment and finding some peace in the moment.

Finally, after fourteen years, I left my prior life on my terms. My former employer decided to downsize our sales management group within 60 days of my planned exodus. The interesting part of this equation is three managers were given the responsibility of figuring out who would leave. Did I really jump up and say “pick me, pick me!?” I was thrilled to have the “out” and volunteered to be the “lucky” laid off executive and have never looked back. Thankfully, this scenario meant an unexpected severance package. Synchronicity is such a blessing!

I packed my box, (the same day) apparently my willingness to leave sped up my departure … Said so long to the big bucks, turned in my company SUV, let go of a cushy expense account, and found the courage to walk away from a career that no longer suited me.

Fast-forward three years …

Being in the business of helping people recognize their brilliance is a blast! The focus for the rest of my days is inspiring people do the things they think they cannot do on their own. I am sharing every ounce of my prior business experience to coach professional women in career transition to set big goals, achieve extraordinary results and create balance in their lives.

In three kick ass years I have dreamed and mind mapped my way to:  a professional coaching certification, the creation of two coaching businesses, a yoga teaching certification, a series of Luscious Living playshops, and becoming a best selling co-author. Currently I am doing final edits for my next book after conducting more than 40 interviews with inspirational entrepreneurs.  Life on Your Terms – Stories of Entrepreneurial Freedom will be finished by the end of the year.  DIG IT!

I am grateful for the courage, passion and wonder to live the rest of my life on my terms.

1. Do you have a liberation story you want to share?
2. Are you ready to accelerate living life on your terms?
3. What can you do today to begin moving forward with your next transition?

Shann Vander Leek is the Founder of True Balance Life Coaching and Co-founder of Seize True Success. She is a Coach Training Alliance certified professional coach, and certified yoga instructor. Shann is a prolific blogger, published writer and co-author of the Best Selling Book – Wake Up Women BE Happy Healthy & Wealthy. Shann’s personal style and direct approach have guided and inspired many in overcoming personal and professional challenges. Her background in sales, marketing and client development, along with leading a talented sales force for many years prepared her for the business of professional coaching. Shann inspires women in transition to create balance in their lives through personal coaching, yoga and creative expression. Telephone and email consultations make her accessible to clients all over the world. To find out about her Coaching Programs for Women, call Shann at 231.668.111 or visit www.truebalancelifecoaching.com

There are two ways to approach life. Read about it. Or live it.

I read a lot. I like to synthesize information together, saturate my brain synapses, make connections, and curate the exact pieces that will fit my life. Knowledge is my thing.

But it doesn’t matter how much I read, or attend lectures, or watch TED talks, or troll Twitter for the next most interesting blog post. Most of that learning stuff is useless; there’s no better way to learn than to just do.

Become an expert {Phase 1}
Action is the first step. That’s why I encourage job-hopping. Most people don’t know what they like or what they’re good at. Like you could really want to be a CEO, yearn for it with all the matter in your body and brain, and then regrettably discover that you suck as a CEO.

Or maybe you’re really fabulous. A veritable genius! The point is, without working it out for yourself, you’re stuck on the path that others have already laid out. And yeah, that’s a safe plan, I don’t blame you. Our education system is certainly not set up to handle exploration or deviation from a set course. And entering the real world closes the door all together.

In school and at the workplace we’re told exactly how to do tasks, without learning the full explanation behind it. In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell tells the story of a young woman who is trying to solve a mathematical problem. She’s not told the way others have solved the problem, but instead is problem-solving on her own.

Gladwell recounts that when she figures it out, her face lights up: “Ohhh. Okay. Now I see. The slope of a vertical line is undefined. That means something now. I won’t forget that!”

The young woman is working with a professor who encourages his students to unlearn the mathematical habits they picked up on the way to university. Because it’s not about memorizing the right way to do something, but your ability to try that determines your success.

“Success is a function of persistence and doggedness and the willingness to work hard for twenty-two minutes to make sense of something that most people would give up on after thirty seconds,” Gladwell reports.

In order to drive innovation, we need time and space to explore, not regurgitate. To become the master of a topic, you need to understand its underbelly, where it came from, where it’s going, not just the flashy exterior.

Become an expert {Phase 2 – quickly}
Most people are stuck in the land of daydreams and don’t actually reach action, so if you’ve mastered that, pat yourself on the back. I just gave myself a little pat. Go on, you too. Now we’re moving into advanced world domination.

Exploring a topic from top to bottom is all good and well, but what if you don’t have 10,000 hours to devote? What if there was a short-cut? A way that actually helped you make more fiery synapses connections?

I realize I’m starting to sound like an infomercial here, so stay with me.

First, let me preface by saying there’s no substitute for action. And what I’m about to propose isn’t something you should do in lieu of cooking every night if you want to be a chef, but it is the way to super-size what you learn from cooking every night. In an Einstein sort of way, not Mickey D’s.

So tell me, how well can you explain what you do? How well do you understand your passion? Could you teach someone else to do it?

When you do something like send a pitch, for example, you’re learning. You’re testing your ideas and theories through the reaction you receive, the resulting outcome. In this paradigm, it’s okay to fail, you discover through trial and error, and through persistence and hard work, you win.

But there’s an entire level of awesomeness missing. And you can only ascend to the next level by then teaching someone what you have learned. Because then you’re testing your values, ideas and theories with another person’s values, ideas and theories. You understand the underlying challenge more by defining it for another. Teaching – good teaching – requires you to exchange knowledge, not simply impart it. Learning is individual. Teaching is collaborative.

“Nobel laureate physicists such as Enrico Fermi and Leon Lederman took pride in teaching bright undergraduates,” reports Michael Schrage in Harvard Business, “because it forced them to keep in touch with the fundamentals of their field and express themselves simply and clearly.”

I had no idea how to write a stellar cover letter and resume until I started teaching others to do theirs. Groups comprised of individuals in different skill sets – say, marketing, design and finance – thrive when they teach each other. Life-coaches may be so prevalent right now because the coaches help themselves as much as they help clients.

Teaching is sharing knowledge, sharing empathy, sharing ideas. It’s pushing you to understand with entirely different lenses. Just like your body needs both cardio and strength training, your mind needs both learning and teaching.

Teaching is the definitive learning experience. And it’s the quickest way to expertise.

I’ve worked hard over the past two years to change my image. I used to dumb myself down, play my looks up. It was easier that way. I didn’t have to buy any drinks in college, for instance. That was my brand, an image that wasn’t who I was or wanted to be. But it worked, so I kept on.

Until my boyfriend told me I wasn’t interesting enough. Until I came home from a meeting one day, furious for not speaking my mind. Until I had one scary frickin’ visit to the ER. Yeah, those life-threatening events, they’ll get you every time.

I sat down to think about who I really was, proceeded to have a quarter-life crisis, and made some tough decisions. They weren’t decisions that were visible. I didn’t quit my job, or become celibate, or move across the country to pursue reality television. But I did slowly, painfully, change and start to brand myself differently.

Personal branding is your personality, who you are as an individual and “the sum of other brands that you either own, work for or touch in some distinct way.” It’s about being you, and marketing the heck out of it.

You, who is reliably manipulative, can’t make a commitment if your life depended on it, and won’t go to bed until you clear the next level in your video game. You, who is only working until you have a baby, hopefully two, so you can stay at home and take care of your family. You, who works eighty hours a week and must separate your jelly beans into color-respective piles before eating.

Branding is marketing those very gems of your personality. That’s not hard to do. Just be yourself. If you’re acting like someone you’re not, then it will come back to haunt you, like when the infatuation wears off in a relationship, and it is at that moment your girlfriend finds your box of hair-regeneration pills in your underwear drawer. Whoever you are, it’s really hard to change, so you win by just being you from the start.

And sometimes, inevitably, you lose. Like this guy.

Branding is inextricably linked to accountability. If you do a good enough job of marketing yourself a certain way, people will start to believe you. So much so that when you mess up, or step out of your brand, it will make others uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t worry too much about this. Instead, focus on how you define accountability and your own comfort level with your actions.

Our lives are out in the open for all to see. Who you are at your job is who you are at the bar is who you are at the gym is who you are during sex is who you are at the company picnic is who you are at, well, you get the idea. Politicians do cheat on their wives. CEOs are bad parents. Artists are erratic friends. So, what? They’re good at their passions, and at the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can in the circumstances given.

Your image reflects on your company, friends, and family. You, however, need to be accountable to yourself first. If you’re dancing on the tables at the bar, and worried about getting caught, either you have something personally wrong, or you need to find a different job that accepts your lack of inhibition. If your Facebook photos might get you in trouble, take them down, or decide you want to work at a place where they don’t care about that sort of thing.

The lines between work and play are increasingly blurring, and if you’re one person during the day and a different one at night you have to be proud enough to market the heck out of it. If you’re not comfortable, you need to learn more about who you are. You are in control of your brand.

My mother used to tell me, “Remember who you are,” whenever I left the house. People with integrity and confidence don’t worry about “getting caught,” because they know who they are. They know that dancing on tables is acceptable to them, or that their Facebook pictures show another layer of their onion. And if it’s not okay to them, they act accordingly.

In summary, to rock the branding/accountability boat:

1. Know yourself.
2. Be yourself.
3. Love it.
4. Repeat.

By the way, I still enjoy receiving free drinks, because I’ve realized I’m okay with using my looks… Sometimes.

Be yourself, or perish, yo.

This post was written by Janet Aronica, a rock star PR grad from St. John Fisher College who is the Boston entry-level career examiner and intern at SHIFT. Follow her on Twitter and check out her blog.

A Degree Isn’t a Job Guarantee

This NY Post article has me razzled. A 27-year-old graduate of Monroe College is suing her alma mater because she can’t find a job. I’m sorry, Gradzilla, but a career services counselor isn’t your Fairy Godmother and a bachelor’s degree isn’t a magic wand. Just because you went to college does not mean you are entitled to a job.

From a young age we are told that if we go to school, study hard, get good grades, and go to a great college, we can be anything we want to be. Politicians and some well-meaning yet self-preserving educators alike pound the inflated-importance of college into our heads.

This message has a negative impact on just about every student. The truth is that college is overrated. Not every student can graduate in the top ten and get into a really “good school.” Consequently, those students feel discouraged about the prospects of future success just because of their academic track records. On the flip-side, those who do get the grades and get into “good schools” can’t rely only on their education to get ahead. College isn’t the golden ticket to success. It is a stepping stone.

Here’s my story: I went to school. I studied hard. But no matter how hard I tried, I sucked at math and sucked at science. I’m not sure which one I sucked more at. I clearly remember third grade, little Janet, scoring less than 50 percent on some addition/subtraction homework and sitting there wondering what the eff was going on when the teacher rambled about tadpoles and ecosystems. Honestly, I still suck at math and I still suck at science; I always need a calculator to figure out what to tip and quite frankly I don’t always understand what they are talking about on the Weather Channel. (So I smile and nod, flip my hair, and blog about it.)

No writing award or A in English or history class could overcompensate for the less-than-stellar grades I got in math and science. My GPA was around a 90 percent. It was decent, but wasn’t awesome enough to get me into my dream school. In high school, I was surrounded by the idea that failing to get into *the* college (an ivy league or something close to it) was a self-imposed life-sentence to mediocrity. Heading to your safety school? Get ready for a lifetime living at home with mom and dad. Scored less than a 1500 on the SAT? You might as well sign up for welfare.

In contrast, many kids succeed academically. Some have to work extremely hard at it. For others, it comes quite easily. Either way, we throw them up on a pedestal, toss academic awards their way, accept them into prestigious colleges, and fill their heads with a false sense of security.

Millenials are all-too-often criticized for their supposed sense of entitlement. I think the alleged “you owe me” factor stems from a lifetime of homework, standardized testing, over-nighters and intense pressure to scholastically achieve – all leading to the allusive light at the end of the tunnel: graduation. Students come out of college, pockets empty, heads full of theoretical facts and knowledge, slapped in the face with the fact that getting good grades and getting a good degree from a “good school” just isn’t enough. Everything you ever worked for doesn’t cut it. That’s not entitlement you sense. It’s disappointment.

To peel back another layer of the issue, I think there’s a point to make about the financials behind the frustration. Many internships are unpaid. Extracurricular involvement is unpaid. Membership in professional organizations and attendance at networking conferences usually costs money. Personally, I was able to do multiple unpaid internships and be an extracurricular junkie because I got a lot of financial help from my wonderful parents. They’re generous, and career-wise they are in a position to help. But what about the students who are paying for college on their own? Many students work full-time just to pay for the education. How do they fit in anything other than class work?

I feel for students like this. As for those in this situation, in my humble opinion, I would suggest going part time and taking an extra year or two to finish the degree. Even if it takes longer, it seems to me that it would be a much wiser investment to come out with a degree and have the time to work, intern, and network – as opposed to rushing through and graduating with no industry experience at all.

Times are different for graduates these days. A degree doesn’t give you an extra edge in the job market when just about everybody has one. You need internships. You need real world experience. You need to network. No one will hire you (legally) to write a term paper. You need to gain skills that will apply in a setting outside of the classroom so that you can contribute something a company can pay you for.

When it comes to college, the old saying is true: It isn’t where you go – it’s what you do with it.

College is a business. Businesses want to make money. To make money, businesses market themselves to you to sell you a product or service. Colleges want you to pay tuition, so they sell you degrees. To get you to attend and pay tuition, they market their brand to you. They brand themselves with promises of prestige, job placement, mentorship, challenge, fun, experiences, status, and success. And you know what? College can be fun, but you can’t have fun if you don’t go to the party. College can be challenging, but you can’t be challenged if you don’t go to class. College can offer status, but you can’t earn status if you don’t network with the alums. College can offer prestige, but that means nothing if you don’t leverage that reputation and apply for a job or an internship.

I’m a fresh graduate, and hindsight is 20/20. What I know and feel about education becomes clearer every day. By this time next year, I’m sure that my understanding and appreciation for education will change, and deepen. But what I know for sure is this: I wouldn’t give back a single night that I cried over my math homework or a single sunny afternoon I spent after school getting extra help from my chemistry teacher. It taught me that things don’t always come easily. Because of my issues and inabilities with math and science, I’ve always expected that I would have to go the extra mile to get what I want – so I do. It prepared me for the challenge, and sometimes failure, of searching for internships and jobs. In the end, I don’t think I needed my dream school.

When careers were based more on hierarchy, and work was more about getting a paycheck than knowledge, it didn’t really matter what you did. But today’s worker no longer desires swanky salaries or titles (although those don’t hurt, certainly), but instead searches for work experiences that can contribute to their lives.

Today, experience is the product. And smart workers are building their careers in the same way innovators build businesses. For example, trendy Barcelona shoe company Camper diversified it’s offerings by plunging into the hotel business. People rightfully asked, “Why?” To which Camper replied, “You misunderstood what we’re all about. We don’t produce shoes. We produce comfort.”

And that’s good career advice. That is, you don’t produce marketing plans, you create connections. You don’t create paintings, you evoke emotion. You don’t deliver newspapers, you spread information.

It’s time to stop looking at your career as a set of skills applicable to a single position. You probably won’t use the major listed on your college degree. You’ll change jobs six to eight times before you’re thirty. And you’ll eventually get the urge to change the world, which doesn’t happen from a single pressure point.

If you can’t talk about how your waitressing job applies to architecture, how teaching kindergarten makes you great for customer service, or how your blog has prepared you to be a circus manager, you lose.

Instead, look at your career as a set of experiences in which there exist core ideas that can be widely applied across disciplines. In A Whole New Mind, Daniel Pink argues that the majority of professions (doctors, lawyers, even MBAs) can either be automated, outsourced to Asia, or are abundant (it’s easy to make quality goods and services).

“The only thing these three A’s as he calls them cannot yet do well,” Bret Hummel reports “is bring ideas from multiple disciplines together. [Pink] argues that the person who understands the big picture, how to bring people together, and create a unique idea are the ones who will succeed in this global economy.”

Gen X and Y thrive in this regard. Occupations are no longer siloed, but instead individuals are cultivating multiple passions, talents and income streams to create meaningful work lives. Marci Alboher calls this becoming a “slash.” Being a Musician / Engineer / Bartender is encouraged and admired. I love design, marketing and database spreadsheets myself.

Working across disciplines “rather than climbing the career ladder within a corporation, facilitates flows of information and know-how between individuals, firms, and industries,” Wired reports.

Everything is connected. HR people call this transferable skill sets, theorists describe it as systems thinking, and poets recognize these ideas in the words of Walt Whitman in Leaves of Grass.

Worker mobility gives flourishing industries “fluidity, velocity, and energy,” Wired continues. “It creates a culture in which people routinely jump from one job to another… And that lack of loyalty has been a key driver of the rapid innovation over the past three decades.”

Innovation isn’t a stickler for tradition, you see. It only cares that you bring it. In summary, to innovate your career:

1) Collect experiences, not titles.
2) Realize connections.
3) Apply those core skills and ideas across disciplines.

Are you talented in more than one area? Do you apply lessons from one place to the other? What’s your advice to bring it?

Update: This post was also published at Damsels in Success.

Recently, more of my time is spent meeting with people who request to meet with me, instead of the other way around. Here’s some advice from being on the other side:

1) Give me a compelling reason to answer you. A lot of networking advice tells you to just check in with someone so that you’re on their mind.

But this sucks for busy people.

When you receive hundreds of emails a week, an email that “checks in” is like a nag draining you to do the dishes. That’s because while the email needs to be answered it becomes the lowest priority out of all the rest.

That email subsequently makes me feel guilty, sits in my inbox until the end of the week, and by the time I have time to answer it with something nice and charming, I’m exhausted.

So please, don’t check in with me unless you’re family.

Instead, tell me why you’re writing. Be interesting. Tell me that you were just in the paper, or that you’re working on a new project and want my feedback, or how you can help me, or that you just went on a great road trip. Preferably, the shorter and the more value, the better.

Networking is about developing relationships. Act like it.

2) Don’t lead me on. Someone recently tried to schedule a meeting with me, and then proceeded to reschedule the meeting, not once, not twice, but four times.

Now, I reschedule meetings all the time. It’s the nature of the beast. But there comes a point when you should use the etiquette napkin to clean up your act.

I also recently requested information from a piano teacher and found her rate to be quite expensive. When she followed up with me, I told her that it wasn’t in my budget. I could have told her I didn’t have the time, or that I needed to think about it, but being a tease is only acceptable on a Friday night. Outside of that, you’re just annoying.

3) Be specific, but mysterious, and a little humorous. When asking for things like meetings or advice, it’s important to give just the right amount of detail in a succinct manner. Something like, “I’d like to meet with you to learn more about you, tell you about the new idea I have to restructure my organization, and I hear you like blueberry pie, so I know we’ll have lots in common.”

Now I know not only that you’re interested in me, but why you’re talking to me, and I’m excited to meet you. Think of it as email foreplay.

Also, when people offer to pay for my lunch as an incentive to go to a meeting, I love this. Because as I’ve mentioned, I’m on a budget. But if I told the President of some company I would pay for his lunch, not so good. You have to find value in a way that’s important and specific to that person.

Use the internet to find out what might work. You don’t have to say, “I stalked you on Google,” but simply “Oh, I heard you enjoy sushi.”

4) Don’t ask for something I can’t give you. A lot of people email me and ask for things. We all like this, because it makes us feel special and powerful.

But it’s frustrating when you’re asking for something I can’t give you. Don’t ask me to promote your product on my blog when I’ve never promoted products on my blog. Don’t ask me to allow you to “give a talk” on your services when my organization has never allowed that.

There aren’t a lot of lines to cross when you’re asking for help, so you’ll know what’s right and wrong by simply paying attention.

Nobody likes to say no. Make it easy for me to say yes and the conversation will be gravy. In fact, letting me help you in a way that’s easy for me will increase my goodwill towards you. Funny how life works.

5) Tell me how you can help my friends. This is the Holy Grail of networking advice.

There’s only so much that I can do individually for my network and the very nature of having a network is expanding it so that we can all help each other more. Similarly, there’s only so much that a CEO can do for his company, a manager for his employees, and so on.

To that end, I’m always excited when people come to me with opportunities that I can pass on to others in my organization. This is probably even more important than helping me directly, because it makes me look good.

It’s also probably the hardest to do, but if you can pull it off, you’ll be so awesome you can give yourself a gold star.

Networkit.

Guest Post by Barbara Lopez – ” The Elevator Pitch Coach”

When was the last time someone asked you, “What do you do?”, and you promptly…drew a blank.  You KNOW what you do, but the challenge is taking everything that’s great about you and what you have to offer and condensing it down to a quick answer, wouldn’t you agree?

Many people avoid networking with people because of this very reason. Professionals often tell me that they don’t actively attend networking functions because they feel like they “don’t get anything out of them”. The biggest reason they may feel this way is because they don’t have an effective 30-second elevator pitch or verbal commercial.

This can be solved with one piece of action: being prepared with a clear, concise 30-second elevator pitch. Putting in even just a little bit of preparation before hitting your next networking function or opportunity does wonders for how effective your elevator pitch will be. This is especially crucial when you’re giving your elevator pitch in a “round robin” situation, introducing yourself to an entire room at once, like at a group function (Chamber or leads group function).

The very first thing you want to do is determine what your goals are for your elevator pitch. But what should those goals be? Allow me to share with you the four most important goals of an effective elevator pitch:

Make a good impression. If you’re attending a networking function to promote your business and make new contacts, you are investing not only your time, but sometimes your money (if there is a cost involved). The quickest way to make sure your investment works for you is to make a good impression. If you’re doing this in a “round robin” situation, and it’s your turn to give your elevator pitch, all eyes and ears are on you. This your chance to show that you are professional, approachable, and most of all an expert at what you do. Although sometimes it feels like an eternity, 30-seconds really does go by in a blink, so you really want to wow the room, and leave them with a great impression of you and your business.

The same can be said if you’re talking to someone in an individual one to one greeting, or even by introducing yourself over the phone.

Be clear and concise. The fastest way to making a good impression is making sure people understand who you are and what you do. Your language should be simple and easy to understand. You should be right to the point, and not leave anyone scratching their heads with confusion. Sticking to 30-seconds is extremely important as well, and will naturally show people you are able to explain what you do concisely. A typical 30-second introduction is usually only between 50 – 75 words. Take a look at your elevator pitch – is it within that timeframe, and is it easy to understand what you do?

Attract the audience/person to want to know more about what you have to offer. Again, you only have 30-seconds to pique interest, so you want to review the content of your elevator pitch and make sure that you’ve given them enough to want to know more. You can do this by simply having a call to action towards the end of your elevator pitch. A call to action simply means giving the audience/person something to do to get more information.

When giving your pitch “round robin style”, maybe you want people to come speak with you, or see a sample of your work following the meeting? Your goal should be to encourage conversation with people after the function. Will it happen every single time? Probably not, but if you have a great reason for people to approach you, your chances are higher of making a connection.

When giving your pitch in a one-to-one conversation, you want your elevator pitch to encourage the person whom you’re speaking to to want to know more. Their next question should be, “How do you do that?”. This opens up the conversation further, and allows you more time to explain the various services/products you have to offer.

Stand apart from your competition. If you’re attending a networking function, chances are there will be other people in the room who offer similar products or services as you, which is why it is critical to stand apart from your competition. There are many ways to do that, but the biggest one is just showing up with a professional elevator pitch (chances are, your competition won’t)! Think about who your competition might be, determine what the focus of their potential elevator pitch might be, and then make sure your elevator pitch rises above anything else.

The same can be said about a one-to-one introduction. When you introduce yourself, the other person will automatically think of someone else who does what you do – we can’t help it, it just happens. That’s why it’s even more important to be sure you don’t even give them the chance to do that. Instead, you need to immediately state why you’re different from your competition within that 30-second elevator pitch.

Whether you’re actively attending networking functions where you’re speaking to a group or just mixing individually with professionals, it’s important to go in with an effective elevator pitch. Using these four goals to focus on while working on your elevator pitch will set you on a focused course, and your time and effort for attending the function will be much more rewarded by filling your database with new contacts.

Don’t allow yourself to draw a blank when someone asks you what you do. Show up prepared, make a good impression, introduce yourself with a clear and concise 30-second elevator pitch, attract the audience to want to know more, and stand apart from your competition. You can do it! Now, go out there and knock their socks off!

Barbara Lopez, “The Elevator Pitch Coach” with Brightfarm Introductions, helps business professionals introduce themselves with high impact. Everything in business STARTS with an introduction. If you’re ready to learn how to introduce yourself and your business professionally and comfortably, visit Barbara at www.brightfarm.com. Be sure to sign up for free weekly tips on how to keep your introduction fresh.

Like this article? Barbara will be a guest on the From Bright to Brilliant Radio Show this Sunday, July12th @ 9PM EST.

Listen live @ www.blogtalkradio.com/taigoodwin

Register here for a reminder and replay link.

As “The Career Makeover Coach”, Tai Goodwin is on a mission to help ambitious individuals reinvent their professional lives by centering on their passion and purpose. Holding as a core belief that we are all called to divine purpose and gifted with a unique passion, Tai uses a results driven, spiritually grounded approach to help clients create career paths to support the lifestyle they desire. Whether it’s helping people go from embittered to empowered professionals or making the transition from employee to entrepreneur, Tai is committed to helping clients tap into their own potential for brilliance. Tai has been empowering others through teaching and coaching for over 14 years. A gifted and insightful communicator, Tai holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Drexel University and a Master of Science in Education from Capella University. She has completed ASTD’s (American Society for Training and Development) Coaching Certificate program and is pursuing professional coaching certification through the International Coach Academy. Originally from Philadelphia, Tai currently lives in Delaware with her daughter. She is currently working on her first book: Reclaiming Your Brilliance: Seven Ways to Take Your Life from Bright to Brilliant.

Web site: http://www.careermakeovercoach.com

by Tai Goodwin on July 7, 2009

Oh, crap.

My adrenaline starts to pump and the anticipation in my stomach rises so quickly that a little laughter escapes. But at 10:03 pm on Monday, the 22nd this is a bad time to laugh.

I yell to my boss Mark, “Tech Crunch just published!”

“What?” he yells back.

I run into his office, “Tech Crunch just published their post!” The rest of the sentence, that they published an hour early, an hour before they were supposed to, an hour before the embargo lifted and we were going to launch the site doesn’t need to be said. Hundreds of people are already on the site. Are we ready? I’m not ready! I thought we had an hour.

Around me, I feel like everyone is running and rushing. Mark and Brian meet instantly and make a split-second decision.

“We’re going live!” Brian exclaims. “Right now! Go! Go! Go!”

He sweeps through the office as excitement sweeps through our fingers. It’s bad that Tech Crunch published early, but their article is good. I’m shaking a little and smiling. Mashable emails me. They have to publish their article now too and I tell them it’s okay. We’re turning on the site now. We’re opening the doors. It’s starting. Alice.com is launching in beta.

The rest of the night is quick, blurry, surreal. When new press comes out, we yell, “CNET is up!” “Business Week!” “Financial Times!” and I throw the links onto Yammer. I refresh my screen every few minutes to watch the bar on the new customer graph rise. I work more than seventeen hours, my co-workers even more, and none of us really notice.

Some of the developers bring sleeping bags, the customer service girls bring a blow-up mattress, and the rest plan to sleep under their desks. At Alice, each employee is assigned an animal. I am a crane, which means, in part, that I’m particular. I want my own bed, so I drive home in the middle of the night.

The highway is completely empty, black and shiny. I own it. The asphalt, everything beneath and all the buildings lined up along on the side are mine. No other cars or people or lumbering trucks. I drive fast because I’m tired, and I want to sleep, and I want to get up and do it all over again.

Considering my co-workers only got two or three hours of sleep, I know they feel the same. The Alice team is more than dedicated, more than hard-working. This is the start-up life, our life.

There’s a lot of talk about balance. Some of the most popular authors preach zen-like attitudes, getting out of work, and lifestyles that are built on, well, not a whole lot. And then there are those who talk about sacrificing your health for your start-up, who talk in terms of not just passion, but obsession for your profession, and whose idea of fun is innumerable hours spent on a single idea.

Fighting balance across the fence is blur. And that is where I live. A life that should preclude me from having any sort of relationship with anybody or anything other than work, but in reality, betters those relationships. A place that makes me excited to be young and in love and working hard.

Peace, it seems, can not only be discovered in the quiet pauses of life, but also in the often forceful and uncertain flow that rushes against walls and norms and status quo.

Fancy Work.