Dealing with a break-up is terribly difficult. The whole process can interrupt your life. It might seem like you’ll never recover, or never love again. You will. You just need to take your time, and be patient with yourself and your heart. There isn’t any set time limit on a break-up, or perfect emotional tools in getting over someone you love. It depends on how long you were together, who broke up with who and your personality. There are some general guidelines you can use when you’re recovering from a broken heart that you can use to help you get over your ex.

First and foremost, you should be focusing on you- on taking care of yourself, on getting back to being yourself. Part of the difficulty of a break-up comes from having shared everything with your partner, sometimes even going from living together to living alone again. It’s a huge adjustment to make. Part of what can help you in the process is going back to your you- remembering who you are, what you like- and getting rid of the history of your relationship.

If you still have contact with your ex, stop- take a complete break from any phone calls, texts or emails. Re-opening the wound, over and over again, doesn’t help you feel better. In fact, it keeps you in the mourning process with very little progress forward. This is the time for re-decorating, getting that new haircut or getting new clothes or joining new clubs. This is the ideal time for you to re-invent yourself, even if just a little- you’ll feel better. The busier you keep yourself, the more improvements you do the easier the break-up gets.

Remind yourself of all of your wonderful qualities, and all of the great things you have to offer. It can make you feel insecure, and second-guess yourself. It’s only natural, but part of the break-up process is also realizing you have so many good points. The relationship couldn’t have happened if you didn’t both have something you each liked and found attractive. The more confident you become, the more you’ll start feeling like yourself again.

Losing someone you really love isn’t easy for anyone. But you can get back to yourself, and even come out from a break-up a happier, better you. One that is stronger, more confident and eventually, someone who will be ready to love and be loved again.

Flirting is some of the most fun, someone said once, that you can have with your clothes on. It’s a great way to meet people, to express yourself romantically and harmlessly. If you’re not an expert flirt or a beginner at flirting, how do you know when he’s flirting? A lot of the flirting tactics can be mis-reading someone who’s just genuinely outgoing or friendly. You want to avoid the embarrassment of flirting with someone who’s not interested, save public face and feel confident in reading the situation correctly. There are a few easy-to-recognize signs when a man is flirting with you:

1. Body Language: we all give ourselves away physically, and most times we aren’t even aware of it. The simple way we stand, how close we stand, the amount of eye-contact and the way we smile can all reflect when we’re attracted to someone. He could be flirting if he’s standing close, or shifts his weight to be closer to you. Leaning over to speak (if you’re in a loud place, for example) can be a sign. Making steady but not creepy eye-contact with you, without scoping the room to look at other women is a plus. Crossed arms or distance can be negative signals. Also, there’s the possibility that if he’s brushing back his hair or scratching his ear is in reaction to being attracted.
2. What He Says: when we’re interested in someone, we try to sell ourselves. Whether it’s attempting to grab your attention for being the wittiest in the group, while directing his attention towards you- he might be flirting with you. Compliments can usually seem clear, but if he’s complimenting everyone in your group- he’s probably just a nice guy. If he starts asking you loads of questions, it’s to show he’s interested in who you are. Coupled with a more intimate body language, it can definitely mean he’s being flirtatious.
3. The Full Time: when you’re out for an evening, see if he comes swinging back or even exchanges glances with you across the room. If it happens more than once, he could be interested in you. Is he making excuses to speak to you, or be next to you? And one of the clearest signals: asking for your email or phone number, to chat again. Don’t feel discouraged if you felt he was flirting with you and doesn’t ask, though. There’s always the chance he’s shy and will get your information from a mutual friend.

With a little practice and some confidence you can flirt your way to his affections. With some easy observation skills, you can figure out if he’s flirting with you in a hearbeat.

Are you looking for your match and not quite sure how to find it? Here’s what to look for and the clues and questions to ask yourself:

1. You learn what you want by knowing what you don’t want.

• We never wake up one day and know exactly what we want. Everyone learns through a process of elimination.
• We usually go in through the back door, figuring out all the things we don’t like. “Not this, not this”, we say all the while moving closer to what works for us
• If you don’t feel “clearer” as to what works for you, you are doing something wrong.

1. You will attract to you who you are.

• You will automatically attract a match for your vibration.
• If you don’t like what your are attracting, stop and take a look at yourself.  Take responsibility for “pulling” the wrong kind of person for you. 
•  Stop until you can honestly reassess and know you have broken that dysfunctional pattern. 

1. There is never a “right” time to say what you feel. Speak up – share feelings and ask questions.

• Right now is the right time. There is never a right time not to be nervous.  We all get nervous when we put our feelings on the line.
• When you try to figure out when the right time is, you lose important time, time that belongs to you.
• Be dignified, treat the other the same way you would want to be treated, take a deep breath and speak your feelings.

1. Unless you learn from your mistakes, you will keep repeating what doesn’t work.

• There is no end to the number of times you can make the same mistakes.
• You will be old and not look good in your clothes if you don’t learn from your mistakes.
• Grow old gracefully and do things differently.

    5.  Ask yourself, “Do I feel comfortable being “me” in this relationship?’

• Do you feel accepted – as a work in progress? 
• Do you feel comfortable in your own skin when you are with your partner?
• Can you laugh at yourself?

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

I think it is interesting that we use the term “organizing clutter”. If it is clutter why are we organizing it? I think rather than saying “I am organizing clutter” it would be better or more to the point to say “I am organizing my home, room, cupboard, closet (whatever it may be) and getting rid of the clutter.” Maybe it is just me, but as a professional organizer I find that to be an oxymoron.

If you are organizing clutter here are 3 tips to make it fast and simple:

•When you’re through using something, put it away then, don’t let it start a pile of clutter. (Like the phone book, a dirty dish, shoes)
•Put Seasonal clothes in a different closet than you use for your main closet, or fold and put away in a container and store on the closet shelf, or put in the back of your closet.
•Make it easy for your family to throw away trash—have several trash cans strategically placed in your home.

Actually, those tips will help you avoid collecting clutter. What kinds of things do you think of as clutter in your home?

Marilyn Bohn is an energetic, lively, compassionate, hard working and creative organizer. She was born to organize! Before becoming a professional organizer she worked professionally in diverse environments. She is involved in her community, providing her clients with a broad base of experience and knowledge.  She is a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO).