Dating long-distance can be difficult. Not seeing the person on a daily, or even weekly basis, having limited contact with your partner or even missing those special days you’d typically spend together in a regular relationship can be trying. The biggest problem couples faced when they’re in a long-distance relationship is: insecurities. Jealousy, because you don’t have the assurance of the person’s presence to soothe you. Your imagination can paint so many worst-case scenarios, of perfect-10s hitting on your sweetheart, or so many distractions they’re losing interest in you. Feeling insecure in a long-distance relationship is only natural, but it can hurt your relationship if you let it get out of control. Here are a few ideas to help with jealousy:

1. Contact as consistently as possible. Not as much as possible, but as steady as possible. Creating a schedule gives you both stability. Thankfully, with technology it’s become a lot easier. Phoning and chatting on-line and sending emails are wonderful ways to keep in touch. You can also supplement it with the old-fashioned charm of the telephone, where you can set up special rates, and letters or postcards. You can still keep them on their romantic toes by sending surprises. Your relationship should be treated like any other, with variety being the spice.
2. The key to any relationship is trust. In a long-term relationship, when you’re struggling with more insecurities than you’re used to, you’re going to have to suspend your disbelief more than usual. You’re choosing to be in the relationship because you care about the other person. Trust goes with that. Be honest when you’re feeling a little unsure about things and let them know exactly where your head’s at. Without body language or even a voice to ‘read,’ you have to express yourself with more clarity. They’re dealing with their own insecurities in the relationship, too.
3. Prove yourself worthy by not getting carried away by your jealousy. The little green monster can have a mind of its own, and can take over. It can also become endlessly tiresome to be on the receiving end of suspicion and constantly having to account for your whereabouts and who-withs.

Long-distance relationships are viable for lasting romance. You’ll have to put some effort into it, on both sides, but in the end if you’re patient and you can quench those insecurities you’ve got a real chance of success. Remember: they won’t always be so far away.

The beginning of a relationship is a time of infatuation, ardor and spending every waking moment with your sweetheart. Or at least wanting to. While that’s fine for the short-term, eventually you’ll have to find a balance between being in a relationship and being independent in your relationship. It can be tricky to keep your life and your partner happy, without sacrificing personal freedom. It’s important that you do, though, for a healthy relationship. Spending too much time together not only creates dependencies between your partner and you, it can also sour a relationship with resentment of loss of independence. Finding your balance isn’t hard, if you’re aware of your needs.

1. Don’t drop everything and everyone when you get into a new relationship. You’ll lessen the time you spend with family and friends, it shouldn’t altogether disappear to be replaced by your new squeeze. It’s a good thing to add to your interests- couples invariably get into a partner’s hobby or share hobbies in common. Just don’t lose sight of yours, and continue doing all of the things you enjoy, that are just yours. You’ll still need your independent time to re-group yourself.
2. Explore new interests, experiment with new styles. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on pause, as-is. It can actually be a great motivator for trying out those things you’ve always wanted to do, or try something new. It could be as simple as going to a different area of town or as involved as signing up for a class, learning something you’ve always wanted to learn.
3. Taking space doesn’t mean that you’re taking time off from the relationship, but that you’re regaining your independence, clearing your head and giving you both some much-needed time to miss each other. It’s a necessary and very healthy part of a relationship to just get some quiet and breathe by yourself. It also increases the quality of the time you spend together, because you can both appreciate each other more.
4. Beware of the dependency trap. Sometimes you’re enjoying spending so much time together that you can’t imagine or don’t want to take a time-out. This can ultimately lead to problems in your relationship. When you give up your personal independence for being attached at the hip, irritations can erupt into arguments. The more you fight, the more your relationship suffers.

New relationships can be wonderful, even magical. Keeping a balance for yourself and your life from the beginning can help you keep your independence in your relationship for long-haul happiness.

Recently on the Today Show, Brad Pitt briefly discussed his family, including long-time girlfriend Angelina Jolie and their six adoptive children. When asked if he planned to marry Angie, he said if they determine it would benefit their children, they would do so. Following is some evidence that could change the mind of people wondering if long-term cohabitation is as good a choice as marriage for families with children.

Hopefully, most Americans aren’t modeling their lives after Hollywood celebrities, but cohabitation is becoming more common, so the issue is worth discussing. Marriage is not just a financial decision; it is not just a decision of the heart. It involves these things of course, but when children are involved, they should also be considered. So, today’s post is dedicated to studies showing how children are affected by marriage-emotionally, behaviorially, sexually, mentally, and physically.

Research shows that in the U.S. cohabitators resemble singles more than they resemble married couples. Their unions are much less stable. One study showed that half of the children born to a cohabitating couple saw their parents split by the time they were five. The number was even higher for Latino or African-Americans. For married couples, 15% split in the same time period. Another study found that even after controlling for socioeconomic and parenting factors, teenagers who lived in cohabiting households experienced more behavioral and emotional difficulties than those in intact, married families.

A fourth study found married parents devote more of their financial resources to childrearing and education than do cohabiting parents, whereas cohabiting parents spent a larger percentage of their income on alcohol and tobacco. In the study, cohabiting couples had lower incomes and education levels. They also reported more conflict and violence and lower satisfaction levels.

Marriage has not only social effects on children, but also biosocial consequences. For example, girls appear to have their sexual development affected by male pheromones, which either accelerate or decelerate their development, depending on their family situation. Studies have shown that adolescent girls who do not grow up in an intact married home are more likely to menstruate early. On the other hand, girls “who have close, engaged relationships with their fathers” begin menstruation at a later age. Girls who live with an unrelated male menstruate even earlier than those living with single mothers. Researchers believe the father’s pheromones appear to inhibit sexual development, while an unrelated male accelerates her development. When a girl has earlier sexual development, she is more likely to become sexually active earlier and is at higher risk of teen pregnancies.

Boys also benefit from married parents. Boys in unmarried families carry out more delinquent acts. Boys in single-parent homes are about twice as likely, and boys in stepfamilies are 2.5 times more likely, to commit a crime leading to jail time by their 30s. Boys in cohabiting families have been found to be more likely to be involved in delinquent behavior, cheating, and have more school suspensions. When a boy lives with his mother and her boyfriend, the boyfriend is more likely to be abusive than his own father. This leads to additional problems.

Additional research has suggested children with two married parents have better health and a longer life expectancy than other children. This benefit starts in infancy, and remains a lifelong benefit.

It is tempting to suggest the difference is due to socioeconomic status or education levels. But many studies account for these factors. One such study followed academically gifted, middle-class children for 70 years. Researchers controlled for family background and childhood health status, and even personality characteristics. They found children of divorce had life expectancy reduced by four years. They also found that 40-year-old men whose parents had divorced were three times more likely to die in the next 40 years than were 40-year-old men whose parents remained married.

Even babies have a lower risk of mortality when born to married parents than if they are born to unmarried parents. The average increase in infant mortality is 50% for unmarried women. After controlling for age, race and education, infants with unwed mothers still have a higher mortality rate, even through early childhood years.

Sweden has a national health care system for all its citizens. But a study of the entire Swedish population showed boys who lived in single-parent homes were more than 50% more likely to die of various causes (i.e. suicide, accidents, addiction) than those in a married, two-parent home. Boys and girls in single-parent families were more than twice as likely to have problems with drug or alcohol abuse, psychiatric diseases, suicide attempts. They were also more likely to experience poisonings, traffic injuries or falls than teens in two-parent families.

Yet another study shows teens who live with their married parents are less likely to experiment to drugs alcohol or tobacco than other teens-even after controlling for age, race, gender, and family income.

Mental health of children was also affected when parents split up. Children of divorce have double the risk of serious psychological problems later in life than children with parents who stay married. They are more likely to suffer from depression, drug and alcohol abuse, or suicidal thoughts. The exception is when there is a marriage has “high and sustained” conflict levels, children benefit psychologically if the parents divorce.

I could write many more examples, but I imagine you get the picture that marriage has been shown in lots of research to protect children in myriad ways. Let me just share the most shocking statistics for those of you still with me. It is hard to imagine for parents who love their children (and stepchildren), but children who do not live with their own two parents are at much higher risk of child abuse. Living with a stepparent is the most significant factor in severe child abuse. Children are more than 50 times more likely to be murdered by a stepparent (usually a stepfather) than by a biological parent. A different study showed children were 40 times more likely to be sexually abused than one living with both of his biological parents. A national study found that 7% of children who lived with one parent had been sexually abused, compared to 4% of children who live with both parents.

With this research in mind, do you believe marriage has a social benefit for children?

Information on these studies can be found in “Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition” by Institute for American Values.