Book Review – Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Lois P Frankel, PhD

By: Amy Franko

As women entrepreneurs, mompreneurs, business owners, and professionals, there are certain behaviors we have been socialized to engage in that can sabotage our success.

Women have typically been socialized to:

• Avoid conflict
• Be polite and soft-spoken
• Be relationship oriented
• Avoid assertive behavior
• Put the needs of others before our own
• Behave like girls!

Lois Frankel, author of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, outlines 101 of the biggest mistakes women unconsciously make that hurt their credibility, career advancement, and businesses. I’m a huge fan of this book, and wish I had it when I started my first job! Today, as an entrepreneur, these concepts are still valuable in my relationships with clients, colleagues, and business partners.

To make the most of the book’s format and tips, the opening self-assessment pinpoints your top areas to address. From there, the book is organized into eight chapters that serve as a coaching guide. It’s easy to move around within the book, work on those mistakes that are affecting you most, and refer back to it later.

Three of my favorite areas that Dr. Frankel addresses:

How you sound. How you sound accounts for almost 40% of your credibility. People quickly make decisions about you and whether or not they want to continue listening to your message. The word choices you make, how you organize and express our thoughts, and the tone of voice you use all contribute to that decision-making process. The book points out key mistakes and their fixes, such as apologizing unnecessarily, over-explaining, using fillers and non-words, and not using the language of business.

How you brand and market yourself. Regardless of whether you are a business owner or corporate professional, you are your brand. It’s your responsibility to distinguish yourself from the field, promoting who you are in a way that’s positive and reflects your integrity. Dr. Frankel points out the mistakes that put your success in jeopardy, such as failing to define your unique value, passing up high-profile assignments, or waiting to be noticed.

How you respond. This section refers to negative messages and behaviors women have been socialized to accept. Often we internalize messages from childhood that later impact our self-esteem and how we see the world. We sometimes believe we aren’t good enough or that others know more than we do. The book offers specific ways to identify and overcome these sabotaging behaviors.

I encourage you to add this book to your library – it’s a practical, well-organized, and relevant resource you’ll use often on your journey to success! For additional information and tips from the author, visit Dr. Frankel’s website.

About the Author:

Amy Franko is the owner and principal learning designer of Amy Franko Consulting. Amy is a certified Book Yourself Solid ™ business coach. The group she’s most passionate about serving is women who are solo service professionals. She uses a simple system of protocols specifically designed to help them get out into the world and bring more ideal clients into their business, even if marketing and selling isn’t something they like to do!

You can learn more about her by visiting her LinkedIn profile or following her on Twitter.

As “The Career Makeover Coach”, Tai Goodwin is on a mission to help ambitious individuals reinvent their professional lives by centering on their passion and purpose. Holding as a core belief that we are all called to divine purpose and gifted with a unique passion, Tai uses a results driven, spiritually grounded approach to help clients create career paths to support the lifestyle they desire. Whether it’s helping people go from embittered to empowered professionals or making the transition from employee to entrepreneur, Tai is committed to helping clients tap into their own potential for brilliance. Tai has been empowering others through teaching and coaching for over 14 years. A gifted and insightful communicator, Tai holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Drexel University and a Master of Science in Education from Capella University. She has completed ASTD’s (American Society for Training and Development) Coaching Certificate program and is pursuing professional coaching certification through the International Coach Academy. Originally from Philadelphia, Tai currently lives in Delaware with her daughter. She is currently working on her first book: Reclaiming Your Brilliance: Seven Ways to Take Your Life from Bright to Brilliant.

Web site: http://www.careermakeovercoach.com

Networking is a person to person activity, we meet, we talk and we share pleasantries with one another. When we meet and start the process of building a business relationship we are looking for people who energize us, people we want to be around. Now and then we meet people we wish we did not have to spend time with. They have a negative attitude and readily spread it around.

Wally Amos, founder of Uncle Wally’s Muffin Company, wrote a book in 1996 called Watermelon Magic: Seeds of Wisdom, Slices of Life. He wrote the Watermelon Credo as I was reading it I realized more than ever how it applied to our lives and our networking activities.

W-Whatever you believe creates your reality. Believe that life is a positive experience and it will be.
As a business networker, you have to believe that others are willing to help you succeed.

A-Attitude is the magic word. Your greatest asset is your attitude. When you are networking, you will attract more people who want to be around your when you are positive and supportive.

T-Together everyone achieves more. There are no limits to what we can accomplish together. Networking only happens with more than one person. Each helping the other by building trust and making connections with one another.

E-Enthusiasm is the wellspring of life. Enthusiasm makes you fun to refer to, people want to be with you, to help you.

R-Respect yourself, as well as others. When you begin to respect yourself, your whole world changes. If you want others to make connections for you they must have respect for you. That will not happen if you do not respect yourself.

M-Make commitment, not excuses. You have to build credibility with people if you are going to build a strong network, unfortunately credibility is often destroyed because people make excuses for what they have not done or did not due. Live up to your commitments and build credibility.

E-Everyday can be a fun day. Make your networking activities fun, something you enjoy doing, not something you dread, make a game of it, smile and enjoy yourself.

L-Love is the answer. Whatever the question, love is the answer. When you love what you do, it comes through as passion. People will be drawn to you, they will want to know your secret, they will want to be part of your network.

O-One day at a time. All of life happens in increments of one. Building a strong network means adding one person at a time and building a relationship with them. Creating a win-win relationship for each of you.

N-Never give up or become a victim. Regardless of the economy you can create success as long as you understand that you are the victor and not the victim. No one cares to hang out with the victim.

We have the power to create great success when we help others do the same thing, when you remember the principals of watermelon you will attract people who want to be part of your network, who want to help you create the success you are looking for.

Hazel M Walker, owns three award winning franchise’s. She is a 10 year owner of two BNI Franchises where she teaches members how to leverage their time and network to build each others businesses. She is also a Referral Institute franchise owner and teaches Business Owners how to harness the Science of Referrals to develop Referrals for Life. Hazel is a published author in New York Times best sellers Masters of Networking and Masters of Sales. As a member of the National Speakers Association she travels the world speaking to businesses and women’s organizations on the topics of networking to create a life you love.

I’m going to start something new and exciting soon. As a result, “everyone” has been talking to me. Or rather, at me. They talk. I sit. They have opinions and advice and information, and it doesn’t matter if they have credibility or experience, they tell me what to do regardless. “Everyone” knows better than I do.

And, as a result, I’m paralyzed. I’m scared to do anything. I can’t even get dressed in the morning without thinking about what “everyone” will think.

My paralysis has been especially prevalent on this blog. I feel I can’t write what I want to write because it might offend “everyone.” Swirling through my head are should nots and better nots and other such niceties that make small talk boring.

“Everyone” wants to make sure they don’t show up in my blog. The guy that I’ve been dating tells me with a stern and expectant look that he doesn’t want to see any allusions to our relationship in my blog. Whatsoever. Which is a shame, because I could really be quite flattering to him if you catch my drift. My ex-boyfriend thinks I should make less such references to sex, because it’s not professional, he says. As if sex didn’t exist. As if it wasn’t one of the main forces behind everything a twenty-something does. A fact I guess he’s not thinking about when he calls me at 2:16 am, “just because,” a call which I ignore.

Other people are beginning to preface conversations with, “You’re not going to put this in your blog, are you?” to which I shrug as my stomach tightens, because this usually means they are about to say something incredibly boring, and not at all blog-worthy. Such occurrences are happening so frequently I am seriously considering investing in a high quality helmet to protect my tender head from the many times I’ve had to bang it against the wall. Then there are the brave few who will start a conversation with, “You should put this in your blog,” and tell me how Star Trek is really, really cool. Really.

I don’t want to limit my writing to what “everyone” wants me to subtract or add. I want to write about how many blogs in the blogosphere are so impressively mediocre. I want to write about how if you want to be good-looking and successful and powerful, you should hang out with good-looking and successful and powerful people. I want to write about the nice things too. Mostly, I want to write about how to really change the world, no holds barred.

I shouldn’t, however.

Because if I wrote about those things, “everyone” tells me, two-thirds of our population might have a heart attack at the same time, and the world would fall off its axis, and life on earth as we know it would end. It would be that bad.

I shouldn’t write about the realness of the real world, “everyone” says. So, as you may have noticed, I haven’t written much of anything recently.

But no longer.

It’s not that I don’t care about “everyone’s” opinion. I do. I have the reputation of a do-gooder for good reason; I believe in the goodness of people. I really like people. All of this talk and opinion has made my life much more interesting. Truly. I’ve learned a lot, and for that I am grateful.

Instead, I blame myself for getting caught up in “everyone’s” opinion, for becoming so self-absorbed that I thought I was a BIG DEAL, and not remembering the big picture. Not remembering starvation in Africa and lack of quality education in the U.S. and the fact that we’re all just doing the best we can.

And that’s okay. When life gets in the way of changing the world, you should probably stop and listen. Just don’t let what other people think paralyze you from taking action.

I forget sometimes that you have to fail to succeed. The longer you wait to take action, the higher the edge will seem from the ground. You must take the jump, and trust the parachute will open eventually.

Of course, with an audience comes responsibility and accountability. But to me, being a leader means being unfailingly honest and transparent. Stay true to who you are. The rest will follow.

The Real World.

Going out for a drink with friends, playing golf, and hanging out at a cookout are all ways that we build relationships. It is the social aspects of our relationships that make for strong business relationships too. It is those times when I get to know someone personally that makes me want to help them achieve their goals. While we may not be fast friends we have developed a deeper relationship and it is that relationship that builds trust and a desire to help. Building my network effectively is very important to me, adding the right people, building relationships with them requires that I stay in communication with them.

One of the things that I love about Twitter is my ability to have communication with local tweeters, to meet them face to face at tweet-ups in a casual manner. Because we have spent so much time getting to know each other on twitter it is as if we have already met, we start the relationship much further along than if I had just met them. I already know what they are interested in by the tweets they post and the links the tweet. I learn about their business when they tweet and list their blogs and I build credibility with my followers when I take the time to post good material on my blog, when I post good tweets. I give to my network of tweeters by recommending them and retweeting their tweets. When we finally do meet at a tweet-up we already know each other.

If you are tweeting take a little time to set up groups of local people who are tweeting. They are most likely people you are going to have the opportunity to meet and build networking relationships with. For me, Tweetdeck has been a great tool for sorting my tweeters and creating groups that I can interact with, create relationships with and add to my network.

Hazel M Walker, owns three award winning franchise’s. She is a 10 year owner of two BNI Franchises where she teaches members how to leverage their time and network to build each others businesses. She is also a Referral Institute franchise owner and teaches Business Owners how to harness the Science of Referrals to develop Referrals for Life. Hazel is a published author in New York Times best sellers Masters of Networking and Masters of Sales. As a member of the National Speakers Association she travels the world speaking to businesses and women’s organizations on the topics of networking to create a life you love.

Business people spend a lot of time networking, some times it is important to slow down and develop relationships with the people that you have added to your network.  In the book “The 29% Solution” by Dr. Ivan R Misner and Michelle Donovan, they discuss tactics for building better relationships with your network members.  The more we get to know our network members the more credibility we build with them.