A toxic relationship is one in which certain dynamics between partners, and hurtful behaviors cause the relationship to be unhealthy or damaging for one or both parties involved. The extremity of these factors can vary, but if the relationship is not improving it is possible that the issues are too great to be resolved, or the partners aren’t making enough effort to correct the problem. In either case, a toxic relationship carried a high price in terms of emotional and sometimes even physical health. Here are 4 indicators that your relationship might be toxic:

1.       Your partner abuses you in any way. If physical abuse is occurring, this is very serious and dangerous. Please contact a domestic violence shelter, or a counselor who specializes in this issue, to get support and help in constructing a plan. If you leave, know that this is one of the most dangerous times for the victimized partner. Of course, staying also carries a high risk of harm. In the case of emotional abuse, the effects may not be as obvious, but they are damaging and cause harm long term. Being constantly criticized, and made to feel inferior and even “nuts,” does damage to your self esteem and feelings of self worth.

2.      Your partner is actively abusing drugs and alcohol regularly and is not willing to seek treatment or any kind of help. This is a very difficult scenario. You may feel guilty about “abandoning” a partner to this problem, but the dynamic is not healthy if you are constantly on a back burner while your partner pursues the next high. It can be tempting to allow your own life to be consumed by the various crises induced by your partner’s drug or alcohol use. If this is the case, your relationship is headed in a toxic direction.

3.      Your partner engages in a pattern of affairs with others. An affair can be weathered and may even strengthen your overall bond if it brings about a renewed commitment and improved communication and accountability. However, if it is an ongoing event, the foundation of your relationship can never be rebuilt, and betrayal and mistrust become the defining factors of the relationship. True intimacy is impossible with continually broken trust.

4.      Your partner is afflicted with a personality disorder. These may range in severity in terms of the accompanying behaviors, but if your partner is a narcissist or sociopath, you may find yourself bewildered and hurt often by actions you do not understand. Personality disorders are difficult if not impossible to treat, for the person doesn’t typically see it as a problem, and the disorder seems to be “hard wired” into the individual’s personality.