We all love slang, and using slang to describe romance, until it gets over-killed. What was hot a year or two ago now seems so passe. Uber-uncool. If you’re jumping into the dating scene again, it might help to know a bit of the latest dating slang. Not necessarily to use it successfully, but at least to understand. Of course, there will be some reading these terms, rolling their eyes and saying: duh, that was so yesterday…! But many people in the mainstream are a few years behind the hipsters, and those facing dating again after a break or pause could use some wording up help:

The Ladies:

A bunny boiler: A woman who gets crazed, obsessive and is scary. From Fatal Attraction, the famous scene of the pot on the stove, boiling-?

To glomp: Similar to a bunny boiler, but less drastic- a little desperate. Usage is:  Is she glomping you? I think she was glomping me.

Guyatus: When a girl or woman takes time off of dating anyone, usually after a bad experience. She’s ’suffering from guyatus.’

Guys:

A paternity fest: The celebration that a guy has when he finds out he isn’t the father of someone’s child.

A management ring: The promise or engagement ring a man gives his girl, to stop her from complaining (without any plans of getting married).

A manicorn: The sensitive, soulful man-friend who in reality is an imaginary creature (man + unicorn).

General Slang:

A non: The worst description you could give someone- a non is so unimportant it’s a non-issue. They don’t exist or aren’t attractive.

An umfriend: The friend (or more) that you introduce awkwardly. “This is Bob.  He’s my…um…friend?”

To be butter: Someone with a nice body but the face is less than attractive.

Arm candy: A date you are only out with as ‘decoration’ for your arm, attractive but not much else.

The slow fade/to pull a Houdini: When you want to stop dating someone, and instead of telling them you just… gradually… poof! Disappear.

To cupcake: Spending quality time with your partner, typically at home, instead of going out.

A starter marriage: The first marriage, usually very short and sweet, that paves the way to the ‘real marriage.’

A shackpack: The bag you take with you that has a toothbrush, some clean clothes, etc.- because you hope to stay the night with a romance.

Book: Cool. Stemming from T-9 mistakes from trying to write cool, it’s now unbook to use cool.

To bookmark someone: To make a mental note to get back to a person for a more in-depth conversation/meeting/date.

Jawn: A person, place or thing. “That jawn was hot, did you see her?” Mainly Philly area.

Sexting: Two meanings:

a:) to send sexy texts to a partner in a flirtatious way and

b:) sending actual naked photos via phone.

This lingo is not a full list, by any means- and the year is still far from over. At least you’re geared up for the dating world with 2009 lingo. Very, very book.

Did you both agree that you’d be a stay-at-home mom and now your husband tells you “You have it easy?” Do you feel you do “everything” around the house and feel resentful because of it?

1. Did you both decide you would stay home and raise the children and he would have a job outside the house?

• If you both decided on how you would divide the duties in your house, why are you now having these issues?
• Just because a woman agrees to take care of the children does not mean she will take care of everything. It also does not mean that she can be financially irresponsible and not know what she has and doesn’t have.
• And just because a man makes the money, does not mean that he is not part of taking care of the house and children.

2.  Both partners do different jobs during the day, but at day’s end, both are parents and both are responsible for the life they have created.

• Expressing gratitude for one another’s contribution is the key to a strong, healthy relationship. 
• Does your husband value what you do as much as he values what he does?
• Are you secure in what you do and do you feel like an equal partner in the relationship? 

3. Does your husband or partner tell you “You have it easy” and do you defend your position?

• If you feel you are doing your job, never let anyone tell you that you have it easy; and never defend yourself.
• When your partner says that to you, he is either being critical or resentful; he is not sharing his real feelings with you.
• If one partner is resentful, it will erode the relationship. 

4. Does the moneymaker have the power in your relationship?

• It’s unfortunate, but making money seems to often take precedence over doing good work.
• Do not feel controlled because you do not make the money.
• If you feel powerful in your position, you will not allow yourself to be diminished.

5.  Do you feel that what you do is as important as what your husband does?

• You need to feel good about what you do. If you feel your contribution is less than your husbands’s or feel you are afraid to work for a living, you will always be in a one down position.
• Knowing you can take care of yourself, gives you the power to do whatever you want and feel good about it.
• Remember, no one can ever make you feel less about yourself unless you feel that way already.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Flirting is some of the most fun, someone said once, that you can have with your clothes on. It’s a great way to meet people, to express yourself romantically and harmlessly. If you’re not an expert flirt or a beginner at flirting, how do you know when he’s flirting? A lot of the flirting tactics can be mis-reading someone who’s just genuinely outgoing or friendly. You want to avoid the embarrassment of flirting with someone who’s not interested, save public face and feel confident in reading the situation correctly. There are a few easy-to-recognize signs when a man is flirting with you:

1. Body Language: we all give ourselves away physically, and most times we aren’t even aware of it. The simple way we stand, how close we stand, the amount of eye-contact and the way we smile can all reflect when we’re attracted to someone. He could be flirting if he’s standing close, or shifts his weight to be closer to you. Leaning over to speak (if you’re in a loud place, for example) can be a sign. Making steady but not creepy eye-contact with you, without scoping the room to look at other women is a plus. Crossed arms or distance can be negative signals. Also, there’s the possibility that if he’s brushing back his hair or scratching his ear is in reaction to being attracted.
2. What He Says: when we’re interested in someone, we try to sell ourselves. Whether it’s attempting to grab your attention for being the wittiest in the group, while directing his attention towards you- he might be flirting with you. Compliments can usually seem clear, but if he’s complimenting everyone in your group- he’s probably just a nice guy. If he starts asking you loads of questions, it’s to show he’s interested in who you are. Coupled with a more intimate body language, it can definitely mean he’s being flirtatious.
3. The Full Time: when you’re out for an evening, see if he comes swinging back or even exchanges glances with you across the room. If it happens more than once, he could be interested in you. Is he making excuses to speak to you, or be next to you? And one of the clearest signals: asking for your email or phone number, to chat again. Don’t feel discouraged if you felt he was flirting with you and doesn’t ask, though. There’s always the chance he’s shy and will get your information from a mutual friend.

With a little practice and some confidence you can flirt your way to his affections. With some easy observation skills, you can figure out if he’s flirting with you in a hearbeat.

Rumor has it that there are oodles of available, hot single men out there in the wide world of dating, but meeting them seems to be more difficult than hearing about them. Finding a good-looking single man these days may seem next to impossible, but with a little creative thinking there are many ways to meet hot guys. How and where does a fabulous single woman find a man who’s also on the market and looking? Here are a few tips that might help or even inspire you:

1. On-line dating. It’s almost an old stand-by now, but with new dating sites springing up on a daily basis. There really is something out there for everyone, with specialized sites streamlined by hobbies, ages, even health issues. Some are platonic, if you’re a bit shy about dipping your toe into on-line dating, to get some safe practice without feeling self-conscious.
2. Go shopping. The stereotype of going to the food shops and trolling for romance with a trolley is a bit out-of-date, but it can work. Think of all of the other shops men tend to flock at: hardware stores, electronic stores and even DVD rentals are all perfect places. Look around your flat, and see if you have any DIY you can do. Go window-shopping for the latest technology in sound systems. Spend some time in the action section of your local rental shop. All of these open up opportunities for chatting: asking questions about the products or details from anyone who’s nearby, and they don’t necessarily have to work there.
3. Joining a club or a class. While going clubbing has its time and place, it’s a terrible way to strike up a conversation, much less a romance. Joining a club that meets weekly or monthly can re-socialize your life in a fresh way. There are wine-tasting clubs, book clubs with author’s readings- take an interest you have and build on it. You can also take a class for something you’ve always wanted to learn: a new language or a new skill, like drawing. Even if you don’t meet a hot, single guy there, you can make contacts that might have single friends.
4. It’s OK to put the word out on the street. Tell people around you that you’re looking for a good looking guy to date. It isn’t a sign of desperation, it’s being proactive about the dating scene. The plus side of this is that your friends, colleagues and family know you, so they’ll be able to assess the single men they know for what you like.

It’s not only possible but probable to meet hot, sexy, single men- you just have to try a few different approaches to your dating repertoire and use your imagination.

Are you confused about the differences between men and women, want to earn a big paycheck, but still want your car door opened? Equality and courting are not mutually exclusive and exist side by side in the best relationships.

1.  Equality refers to opportunity; it is very different than courting.

• Courting happens in the heart, equality happens in the brain.
• Courting bypasses the brain. When a man opens a car door for a woman there is male/female exchange of energy.
• He feels more male and she feels more female.  This is what creates the chemistry.

2.  As women, when we try to be the same as a man, we deny ourselves the enjoyment of being a woman.

• Although we may come into this world as either male or female, unless we enjoy who we are, we miss a lot of delight and joy.
• I do not think our sex is an accident.
• I know why I am female this time (I have lessons to learn). PS. I could do male standing on my head.

3.  Men are confused about what makes women feel good but we have confused them. And now we don’t like the result.

• Women need to re-evaluate what feels good to them.
• In order for there to be chemistry, the male/female polarity needs to be in place.
• In relationship, when a woman behaves like a man she automatically pulls a more feminine male counterpart and then wonders why a strong, masculine man is not attracted to her.

4.  Men and Women are different and different things make them feel good.

• Do not try to make a man like your girlfriends, and do not treat a woman like one of the guys. Nothing more needs to be said.
• A feeling of equality comes naturally when we have nothing to prove and can simply enjoy the differences.
• This is clearly a case where the whole is more than the sum of its parts.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

If you want your man to love you forever, and fall truly in love with you, then read on…

There are just three things you have to do to have your man’s head spinning in love:

Let Him Know You Understand Him

You might think you know your man in and out, but on the other hand, your man might feel like you just don’t understand him at all. Try listening to him, even if he’s baby talking and babbling! Men hardly ever talk about their feelings, so when he tries telling you something in his own bumbling manner, try listening and make an effort to understand him.

Let Him Fall in Love with Your Feminine Face

A man feels like one when he’s with a woman who behaves like a woman. Captivate him with your grace and your beauty. He fell in love with you for the way you charmed him. Allure him with your femininity and he will be captivated by your elegance forever.

Make Him Feel Like a Man

A man wants to feel like one, and he feels like the best one when you tell him so. Compliment him when he does something that you couldn’t, or tell him something that makes him feel important and worthy of your attention, and watch him fall ahead over heels in love with you.

The popularity of Twitter is twinkling some eyes, while tweaking anger in others.  If you don’t Twitter, you’re painfully uncool- just take a look at the Twitterati.  Twitter can be addictive, fun and give you connections.  But can it affect your relationship?  The good and bad news for romance:  the Twitter singles scene is the new hot spot and already makes claims on success rates.  On the other hand, with Twitter there’s a new, faster way to be cheated on by your tweetheart.

Naysayers call it ‘blogging on amphetamines,’ but there are some benefits.  Staying in touch with and meeting people seems to rank highest on the list.  In other words, you’re never alone nor are you lonely.  While a lot of social sites are good for daily contact, Twitter is minute-by-minute.  For relationships, it’s a way to spend consistent time with your love when you’re apart.  With a new romance, it’s similar to speed dating, but sped up.  In business, those that Twitter have an edge on those who don’t.  Bloggers report an increase in visits, since the Twitter messages are so short,  leaving readers curious for more information.

There are many advocates for Twitter, but the drawbacks are plenty.  Yes, you might actually stay in touch with your family on a more regular basis, but you can also find yourself suffering from cravings or depression if no one contacts you.  Twitter addiction could destroy your relationship.  Look at Jen Aniston and Jon Mayer.  How romantic, going on a date with someone who’s describing their feelings to the world, instead of telling the person across from them.  That lack of personal connection increases the chances of a break-up.

How is this affecting communication?  Compiling all of your thoughts into 140 symbols, every time you think, is good for self-expression.  Sacrificing your realities, however, into sound-bytes isn’t.  As if we weren’t dumbed down enough by abbreviations and lack of real contact, we have less space and time.  There’s also the fact that social networking sites were already hotbeds for opening the cheating door.  Twitter doubles the speed, doubles the fun.  It allows for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it transgression.  And don’t forget that the details can be publicized after, to entire communities of people.  Quadrupled humiliation in a fraction of a moment.

Twitter might be the little black dress of gadgetry at the moment, but it won’t be long before someone comes up with even shorter, faster communication.  Perhaps one day soon it’ll be the freshest, hottest trend to just send electronic grunts, reverting back to caveman speech.  Via technology.