Your relationships with family and friends have a big impact on your career choices and career decisions – and the holidays focus on these relationships more than any other time of year. Are you stuck in career indecision and feel your friends or family might judge you for it? Are you considering a career they might not approve of?  

Especially in the U.S., where so much focus is on your job (think social gathering and the typical opening question – “how’s the job search?” or “how’s work (or school)?”), handling career questions or opinions about your choices from those close to you can be awkward.  

Here are 3 steps to positively anticipate and handle those questions and influences using The Career Key’s High-Quality Decisions self-help article: 

1. Identify any pressure you feel from family or friends – positive or negative – about your career plans. To help you, download a free “Decision Balance Sheet” and complete it for the job or career options you’re considering. Check out this list of Career Choice Consequences to help you “see” what issues may be weighing on you. Your choice may be so welcomed by your friends or family that you feel uncomfortable pressure to be successful or “perfect.” Expectations may need to be lowered.
2. Make a plan for how you will handle each person’s concerns or reactions to your career choice or career indecision. That way you’re not left unprepared (and maybe anxious).

For example, if you’ve been laid off and you haven’t decided if you will go back to school, then prepare and practice a script for how you will answer your mother’s well-meaning but loaded question at the holiday dinner table, “how ARE you?” Instead of saying “things are fine,” which you know will result in cool or hurt silence, wouldn’t it be better to say:

“I’m deciding on whether to go to grad school. I had two informational interviews last month with graduates of the ___ school I’m considering and I’ve got two more scheduled for after Christmas. It’s pretty interesting what’s I’ve learned about _______(the post-graduation job market, financial aid, interesting classes).”

Imagine how your mom will brighten at hearing about what you are doing. With mothers, sometimes giving them more information is better than less, right? (I hope my mother is not reading this post.) 

Or if you are seriously considering a career change from a more secure (if such a thing exists anymore) career like a civil-service government position to starting a business – how have you planned for the risks or consequences and your significant others’ reaction to it? 

Take advantage of family and friends well-meaning interest in you to make sure your career plans and research are as organized and “on track” as you would like. It may have the side benefit of forcing you to set goals for yourself – short-term, realistic and achievable – to get things moving in a positive direction.

The Career Key Blog, run by Juliet Wehr Jones, J.D.  The Career Key™ gives you expert help with your career search and career choices  career change, career planning, job skills, and choosing a college major. Our career assessment helps you find a career by matching your personality with careers and providing you complete and accurate information about each career you choose to explore.

The beginning of a relationship is a time of infatuation, ardor and spending every waking moment with your sweetheart. Or at least wanting to. While that’s fine for the short-term, eventually you’ll have to find a balance between being in a relationship and being independent in your relationship. It can be tricky to keep your life and your partner happy, without sacrificing personal freedom. It’s important that you do, though, for a healthy relationship. Spending too much time together not only creates dependencies between your partner and you, it can also sour a relationship with resentment of loss of independence. Finding your balance isn’t hard, if you’re aware of your needs.

1. Don’t drop everything and everyone when you get into a new relationship. You’ll lessen the time you spend with family and friends, it shouldn’t altogether disappear to be replaced by your new squeeze. It’s a good thing to add to your interests- couples invariably get into a partner’s hobby or share hobbies in common. Just don’t lose sight of yours, and continue doing all of the things you enjoy, that are just yours. You’ll still need your independent time to re-group yourself.
2. Explore new interests, experiment with new styles. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on pause, as-is. It can actually be a great motivator for trying out those things you’ve always wanted to do, or try something new. It could be as simple as going to a different area of town or as involved as signing up for a class, learning something you’ve always wanted to learn.
3. Taking space doesn’t mean that you’re taking time off from the relationship, but that you’re regaining your independence, clearing your head and giving you both some much-needed time to miss each other. It’s a necessary and very healthy part of a relationship to just get some quiet and breathe by yourself. It also increases the quality of the time you spend together, because you can both appreciate each other more.
4. Beware of the dependency trap. Sometimes you’re enjoying spending so much time together that you can’t imagine or don’t want to take a time-out. This can ultimately lead to problems in your relationship. When you give up your personal independence for being attached at the hip, irritations can erupt into arguments. The more you fight, the more your relationship suffers.

New relationships can be wonderful, even magical. Keeping a balance for yourself and your life from the beginning can help you keep your independence in your relationship for long-haul happiness.

Are you killing your relationship by constantly talking about it?  If you’re talking your relationship to death, learn how to stop talking about your life and start living it.

1. Constant discussion is an addiction.  This has nothing to do with the relationship.
   • Constantly talking about the relationship becomes a substitute for actually living one. 
   • Constant discussion is an addiction and keeps you anesthetized.  When you stay focused in your head, rather than your heart, you are always one step away from connecting. 

     2. Stop calling family and friends to gain consensus for your point of view.

• Are you doing this?  Be really honest with yourself.  When you are always giving your point of view and have the need for someone to agree with you, this has nothing to do with feeling right and all to do with wanting to be right.
• Gaining consensus for your point of view is all about the ego.  The truth is you feel bad and are looking for the person on the other end of the phone to make you feel good.  This is simply a momentary high and will not last very long before you have to pick up the phone and call someone else.

     3. Do you feel rejected if you do not get the answer you want from   your    partner?

• Is it okay to discuss differing points of view and not be invested in getting the other person to see it your way?  Can you be with someone who sees it differently than you do?
• This does not mean you put up with behavior that is disrespectful or objectionable, but rather that you do not “try” and change someone else.
• People change because they want to change.  Simple express how you feel and see what the other person does.

      4. Do you need to know where your partner is all the time?

• Constant “relationship” talk is always about insecurity and often results in having to know where your partner is at every minute. This behavior is very unattractive and ultimately will destroy the relationship.

      5. Do you get anxious when you think of being alone?

• If you cannot be alone, cannot enjoy your own company, you can never have a healthy relationship. 

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

A few post back I wrote about “Thank You Notes” from Retail establishments and how that made such a big difference to the customers.  It was commented that the culture of the organization started at the top and worked its way down.

How TRUE a statement that is:  I received this letter from a friend and colleague yesterday and I can only believe that this organization“Red Robin” has a great culture from the TOP Down!  Here is staff going above and beyond:

Dear Family and Friends-

On March 24, 2008 my youngest(and tallest) brother, Kirby, had an arthroscopic heart procedure to repair a very large hole.

Somehow, Red Robin Gourmet Burgers found out about Kirby and our family and 3 staff members(1 as Red Robin himself, and 2 managers) came to the hospital after Kirby’s successful surgery with a huge gift basket, a pillow and pillow case signed by all the staff at their Red Robin, and a ton of food(exactly what Kirby was looking for after going so long without food for the surgery).

To celebrate the 1 year anniversary of that successful surgery, we went to Red Robin on March 26, 2009 to be with our “Red Robin family” who demonstrated so much love to us a year earlier.

We arrived to find a table set for us, a special welcome sign(made by the general manager & his wife), huge smiles, welcoming arms, and warm hearts. We visited with them, giving them updates on Kirby and the family, and soon enjoyed an INCREDIBLE meal. To explain an INCREDIBLE meal: 5 huge burgers, onion rings, bottomless fries and colas.

The staff even sang Kirby a Birthday song since his birthday was about a month previous. Near the end of our meal, the waitress delivered our “bill”. The “bill” indicated a balance of $0- a full, huge meal at no cost! How incredible!

THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING AND HAVE BLESSED MY FAMILY! Please, PLEASE visit/support Red Robin, especially the one in Noblesville, IN, mention Kirby, and express the huge amount of gratitude the Cotterman family has for our “Red Robin family”.

Hazel M Walker, owns three award winning franchise’s. She is a 10 year owner of two BNI Franchises where she teaches members how to leverage their time and network to build each others businesses. She is also a Referral Institute franchise owner and teaches Business Owners how to harness the Science of Referrals to develop Referrals for Life. Hazel is a published author in New York Times best sellers Masters of Networking and Masters of Sales. As a member of the National Speakers Association she travels the world speaking to businesses and women’s organizations on the topics of networking to create a life you love.

By Nora Wallace Walsh

Founder & Head Coach

Healthy Balance Fitness

When you look at what is important to you and where you spend the majority of your time, do you find yourself towards the bottom of your to do list or not on it at all?

Do you often find yourself saying yes to others when you really don’t have the time or energy? Do you put others’ needs before your own? This is very common when you have a career, family and individuals that depend on you, but if you continue on this path you will find yourself over-committed, drained of all your energy, and unhappy.

The most important aspect of living a healthy, balanced life is to do things that make you happy, things that are important to you, and things that help you grow into a better human being. If you don’t make the effort to take care of yourself and do things that make you happy, who will? A big part of taking care of yourself is to make a commitment to exercise and eat healthy. By exercising and making healthy food choices you will have more energy to do all the things that are most important to you.

If your life is so over-scheduled and over-committed that you are exhausted at simply the idea of finding time for you, it is time to make a change.

• Try to do something every day for you and only you.
• Pay attention to your body and when you don’t feel well.
• Start saying NO to people and projects.
• Do something you have always wanted to do.
• Get help – hire an assistant, a housekeeper, babysitter, personal trainer, enlist family members, etc.
• Exercise regularly. If you don’t have a full 30 minutes, then try breaking it into 10-minute increments. Make exercise a part of your day.
• Eat breakfast every morning. Followed by a nutritious lunch and dinner with two healthy snacks in between.
• Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
• Set aside special time with family and friends.

This is a perfect time to take care of you. Make a commitment this year to put yourself back on your to do list and create a healthier and happier life.

Virginia Ginsburg is an entrepreneur and business & marketing consultant who delivers strategic, affordable marketing services through her company accordionmarketing. She also writes a blog called Body > Mind > Business, which discuses the connection between business health and personal health, and the struggles she faces in pursuit of work-life balance.

Virginia has an MBA from the University of Southern California and is currently (slowly) pursuing a Ph.D. in Psychology at UCLA. She has more than 12 years of experience as a senior marketing consultant, and has served as a trusted partner, coach and consultant to more than 100 sole proprietors, partnerships and corporations. 
 

Virginia lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband and daughter. As part of her passion for working with entrepreneurs, Virginia is actively involved in small business development projects in the U.S. and in developing countries.

Catching a fish is no easy feat.

While certain countries, such as Japan and Peru, show an increase in the # of female entrepreneurs, by in large, men are twice as likely to start their own businesses as women. More than that, there are very few dissimilitudes in the way both genders approach business to account for the disparity.

So what’s stopping us?

Well, for one, GEM’s study finds that women tend to be less optimistic about the risk of starting a new business or making a change. This causes women to be less confident about their ventures and as a result, the fear of failure kicks in and results in a flight response.

While fear of failure has often been attributed to killing a women’s drive, and I, for one, am no less of a chicken, in this regard, how do we go about dispelling that fear and ridding it from our consciousness?

Getting personal for a second, when I had a miscarriage earlier this year (from which I’m still reeling from a bit), my gut reaction was what an absolute failure I was. I had a similar reaction when I lost my job, a month after I had my miscarriage. It wasn’t quite as severe, but I the same feelings of shame surfaced again.

I was angry at myself for feeling like a loser, but came to realize, that falling short is perhaps a woman’s greatest insecurity. Just look at how we’re conditioned from our youth to find, not just any Alpha Male to mate with, but the one with the right genetic combination to satisfy the lofty expectations of our family and friends, and if we’re lucky to meet our own. We have to compete with how many other women? (aside from mom, sister and ex-girlfriends?)

So how do we empower women to feel confident and optimistic about change and risk without tapping into their deep-seated fears about their competencies? In short, how do we level the playing field?

The United Nations is working on an initiative called “gender mainstreaming” that is about identifying gaps and bridging understanding in developing countries. In Lativa, women-owned businesses favor hiring women and it’s proved to be an effective way of ushering a new generation of women into the workforce there. And in Finland, women-owned businesses show the most profitability so they are exploring ways to make executive roles more gender-neutral and merit-based. (as opposed to the ‘ol boys network)

With the word “Change” being tossed around like some cheap dime store whiskey lately in presidential campaigning, I’m hesitant to cheapen a sentiment here. Let’s just say the world won’t get better overnight, but progress can and should be made everyday.