Are you grieving over the loss of a loved one?  If you are grieving and are having trouble being with others, here are a few ways to better deal with your loss.

1. Grieving is a natural part of life – we grieve when we lose something we love.

• For some reason, in the West, we deal with grieving, death and dying, as unspeakable subjects.
• It is as though we think if we don’t talk about them, they will go away.
• But they don’t go away because they are inherent in life; the cycle of birth and death rages on.

1. There is no “normal” timeframe to stop grieving – the grieving stops when you are done mourning.

• If you surrender to the natural process of grieving, you will move through grieving and be done when you are done.
• Everything is moving and changing all the time.
• When you feel the passing of something, you need to allow yourself to grieve and give yourself permission to feel your sadness.

1. Do not pretend to be “happy” if you are not.

• Pretending is the opposite of authenticity.  To feel is to be authentic.
• Every death – the death of a loved one, the losing of a job, the ending of a relationship, even though it might have been dysfunctional, – summons up every other death. Judith Rossner says in her book August, “After the first death, there is no other.”
• Whether you are around friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers, understand that grieving is a natural and normal part of life. and you will feel sad when you lose someone you love.

1. Talk about the person you loved and lost … even if it makes others feel uncomfortable.

• You have a right to talk about things you want to talk about as much as the next person.
• It is not your job to make someone else feel comfortable.
• If you need professional help, get it.

1. You cannot think your way through grief – you must feel.

• I often say the only way to HEAL is to FEEL.
• Thinking keeps the “feelings” in the head, in a very intellectual way, never allowing them to come down and rest in the heart
• Until you are willing to feel your feelings of sadness, you can never move through the natural process of grieving.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Men are notorious for bottling things up, not being nearly as talkative as women and not expressing their emotions often. The strong, silent stereotype comes from somewhere. When you’re in a relationship with a quiet partner, you can find it difficult to get him to share his feelings or open up to you. It can complicate the relationship, because without a lot of communication, it can lead to distance or even arguments between you. Neither one of you are mind-readers, which is why you’d like him to share his feelings with you. Maybe you just want to get to know him better, hear more about his past, or his family. How can you get him to open up without hurting the relationship?

1. Be patient. You’re asking him to make a change, or want him to make a change. No one likes being changed. Relationships are based on compromise, so if you want him to do something for you you’ll have to be willing to do the same for him. Don’t expect he’ll tell you his life-story overnight. If he’s not used to talking about himself, it could make him uncomfortable. Let him set the pace, the time and the amount of information.
2. Find a good atmosphere for him to talk in. The more comfortable he feels, the more willing he’ll be able to share. Which means that loud, noisy places are out. The perfect place for talking can be by going for a walk. It’s relaxing, it gives him a chance to speak when he wants and it takes away the pressure of face to face intensity. Or quiet time, in the afternoon.
3. Don’t push him. If you keep nagging him, or trying to force him to talk, he’ll probably dig his heels in and finally refuse. It could put a very real strain on your relationship if you don’t allow him some time to think he’ll start resenting you. He won’t open up, he’ll close up. It’s up to him and how he wants to do it. He might have a reason for not wanting to share with you- maybe a bad experience in the past with trust. You should talk it over with him, and let him know why you want him to open up.
4. Listen to him. Even if he tells you something that reminds you of you, the focus should be on him. If he’s reluctant to share his feelings, don’t interrupt him when he finally does start opening up. Show him that he can trust you, and pay attention to what he has to say. You want him to open up- show him the benefits, and how it helps the relationship. How it also brings the two of you closer.

It’s not an impossible task getting your man to share his feelings with you. But it will take time, patience and understanding on your part- and in the end, you’ll both be happier for it.

Starting a new relationship and afraid of making the same mistakes again? If you don’t learn from past experience – what’s the point? As all of us know, there is no end to the number of times we can keep making the same mistakes. Learn how to stop what doesn’t work!!

1.  
   1. Accept responsibility for EVERY relationship you have ever been in.
      • None of this 50/50 BS. Take 100 percent responsibility and you will take back 100% of your power.
      • I had a moment of enlightenment many years ago when I was getting out of a major relationship. My friends agreed with me that he was so shallow and I was so deep (ah…to have good friends); a real mismatch. But my realization.. was that for the time we were together we were a perfect match. My stuff overlapped his stuff and that as much as I complained about his ability to be intimate, if I could have really done it, (be intimate), I certainly wouldn’t have stayed with someone who couldn’t as long as I did.
      • YOU are the one constant in every relationship you are in.
   1. Do not have “overlap relationships”. You need time to process feelings and information.
      • The absolute worse thing you can do when getting out of a relationship, is to quickly get in another.
      • You need time to process; to figure out what went wrong, what was good, what was bad. If you don’t spend this time you will never be able to learn from your mistakes.
      • You also need time to grieve. Even if you are glad to be out, don’t forget, you had hopes and dreams and none of them are going to happen. There’s a certain sadness when dreams don’t come to fruition.
   1. Do not rationalize. If it doesn’t feel good, it probably isn’t.
      • Do you pay attention to the red flags or do you just ignore them because you have an agenda (to be in a new relationship) and don’t want to be thrown off course?
      • Remember – What is in darkness is going to come to light eventually.
      • Be brave. Deal with your feelings even though feeling them might scare you. It’s all coming out. It’s just whether it comes sooner or later.
   1. Spend time alone. Unless you can be alone, you will never have healthy relationships.
      • Spending time alone, being able to enjoy your own company is the key to all good relationships.
      • Do you like your own company? Are you afraid to be alone?
      • If the answer is yes – that is exactly what you need to do.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Do you lie? Do you know that the focus of lying is never about the lie, but about the person telling it?  Things You Need To Know About Lying: 

1. Lying has nothing to do with the specific lie being told; it has to do with a person’s character.
   • Lying is NEVER okay. 
   • Ask yourself – If you told this person the truth might he make a decision other the one he is making?  When your objective is to deceive or withhold information from the other person in some way, you are lying.
   • Check out Sisela Bok, 1978, Lying, Moral Choice in Public and Private Life. (Clich here to learn more about lying)

1. If you excuse lying sometimes, you will continue to lie.
   • Do not excuse lying.  You tell yourself you do not want to hurt her feelings, but in the end, you end up hurting her more.
   • Sometimes it is difficult to tell another how you are really feeling, but at this point it is merely a communication problem.
   •  Learn how to be authentic and at the same time take into account another’s feelings. 

1. When you allow lying in your life, you lose your dignity and self-esteem.
   • We ALL know lying is bad, a sign of weak character. 
   • When you lie, only you know that; and you suffer from a lack of self-esteem and self-respect. 
   •  You cannot have real relationships without dignity and self-esteem.

1. Lying creates secrets and secrets isolate people from one another.
   • Lying is a betrayal between two people and deprives the person being lied to of making decisions based on the truth. 
   • We all deserve the right to decide for ourselves what is best for us. 
   • Without honest and accurate information, we cannot do that.

1. Lying destroys love.
   • This says it all.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

If you want your man to love you forever, and fall truly in love with you, then read on…

There are just three things you have to do to have your man’s head spinning in love:

Let Him Know You Understand Him

You might think you know your man in and out, but on the other hand, your man might feel like you just don’t understand him at all. Try listening to him, even if he’s baby talking and babbling! Men hardly ever talk about their feelings, so when he tries telling you something in his own bumbling manner, try listening and make an effort to understand him.

Let Him Fall in Love with Your Feminine Face

A man feels like one when he’s with a woman who behaves like a woman. Captivate him with your grace and your beauty. He fell in love with you for the way you charmed him. Allure him with your femininity and he will be captivated by your elegance forever.

Make Him Feel Like a Man

A man wants to feel like one, and he feels like the best one when you tell him so. Compliment him when he does something that you couldn’t, or tell him something that makes him feel important and worthy of your attention, and watch him fall ahead over heels in love with you.

A friend on twitter asked me to explain what the difference is between life coaching and therapy or counseling.

Here is my take about the differences, along with some interesting  data I gathered online.

Coaching does not focus on “why,” but on  “what now?”  The life coaching process shifts obstacles into plans and goals.  Always looking forward instead of analyzing the past.

Coaching is a good fit for a goal-oriented person who prefers to take responsibility for their processes and outcomes.  Coaches work with “highly-functioning” people.  Meaning the assumption is that the client is healthy, willing and fully capable of achieving their goals.  Clients who are looking for guidance and motivation.

Clients who do NOT perceive themselves in need of therapy may be more inclined to see a Life Coach, preferring a coaching model to a therapy model.

A Life Coach works closely with you to map out a game plan for creating what you want in your life.  A Coach stays with you throughout the process to guide you, create actionable plans, break down what holds you back and motivate you to move forward.  With life coaching, you will not analyze the past, but looks toward the future to figure out what to do next.

With a Life Coach, you will:

• Develop a Step-by-Step Plan of Action

• Focus on Future Goals, Not Past Issues

• Explore What Holds You back

• Celebrate Results

Differences Between Therapy and Life Coaching

Therapy

• Assumes the client needs healing

• Roots in medicine, psychiatry

• Works with people to achieve self-understanding

• Focuses on feelings and past events

• Explores the root of problems

• Works to bring the unconscious into consciousness

• Works for internal resolution of pain and to let go of old patterns

Life Coaching

• Assumes the clients is highly-functional

• Roots in business and personal growth venues

• Works to motivate people to a higher level of functioning.

• Focuses on actions and the future; goal-orientation

• Focuses on solving problems

• Works with the conscious mind

• Works for solutions to overcome barriers, learn new skills and implement effective choices

Comparison Source: Hayden, C. J., and Whitworth, L. “Distinctions Between Coaching and Therapy.”

Shann Vander Leek is the Founder of True Balance Life Coaching and Co-founder of Seize True Success. She is a Coach Training Alliance certified professional coach, and certified yoga instructor. Shann is a prolific blogger, published writer and co-author of the Best Selling Book – Wake Up Women BE Happy Healthy & Wealthy. Shann’s personal style and direct approach have guided and inspired many in overcoming personal and professional challenges. Her background in sales, marketing and client development, along with leading a talented sales force for many years prepared her for the business of professional coaching. Shann inspires women in transition to create balance in their lives through personal coaching, yoga and creative expression. Telephone and email consultations make her accessible to clients all over the world. To find out about her Coaching Programs for Women, call Shann at 231.668.111 or visit www.truebalancelifecoaching.com

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.