Aren’t you really tired- exhausted, even- by your stalker?  How in the h-e-double-hockey stick do  they think not leaving you alone will make them attractive?  Seriously?  The tweets, the texts, the emails, the stopping by the flat randomly to say hello and then screaming at the neighbors to let them in are all…super-bad.  When a person likes someone, the best way to go about attracting them  is not scaring them silly. Just an idea.

It was interesting to find out that out of twelve women, at least one will be stalked in her life.  And for you men out there, you might be interested to find out one out of forty-five are going to be stalked. By other men. You’d envision Bunny Boilers, but you’re getting Harry Hares instead. Oh, yes, please.  Isn’t it nice to know someone finds you yummy?

At least there is an answer and a solution for those of us that aren’t fans of Fatal Attraction- we can, in the States, go to the law and win.  Many states now have laws against stalking that include emails and texting.  In criminal language, it’s called e-trailing and textual harassment. You can not only make them keep a distance, but also get legal space from the mental that’s fixated on you.

It sounds like great news, but unfortunately most people try to deal with their own, cute and personally-amplified stalkers on their own.  Many times, it ends up with them (the stalkers) hurting their ideal.  Need a simple example?  John Lennon.  Look at the facts, and then apply them to your less-than-famous life.  You’re more than likely in trouble if you’re being stalked.

Leaving it be and hoping it- they- will quietly go away is like hoping that foul-smelling gangrene in your leg will improve if you keep thinking positively.  Sensitivity is great.  Trying not to hurt someone’s feelings is great.  Modifying your behavior, your life and letting your partner, friends and family possibly become the target of harms’ way is cowardice.

Taking some sort of action is not only commendable, but necessary.  Being aware and active puts the driver’s seat back where you want to drive, and takes their misguided power away.  Don’t wait for ages- just to let you know, the typical stalker goes manic for roughly 1.2 years.  Patience is an opiate for these people.  You don’t have to put your life on pause, or change your job- you simply have to take care of that particular person.  Now.

Keep in mind that stalking is a two-way street if you do nothing:  they devote their free time, their lives, to you.  In turn, you have devotion of avoiding, obsessing on what they might do and no real interaction with others- because they become exactly what they hoped for.  Your sole focus.

Think about your stalker the same way you would approach an illness:  prevention prevents having to try (and possibly failing) at treatment.  Do you really want to devote one year of your life to someone who clearly doesn’t respect you enough to respect your boundaries?  Or your taste?  Which in a nutshell, is your you.

Find a stalking forum, speak to authorities, get some help from outside sources and get rid of them, already.  It’s time to subtract them from your lifely equation, so that you can start living again.  Unless you’re enjoying the drama.  Which in that case: good luck and godspeed.  I hope you like rabbit.

Once we settled into our new home in a new town, I started a moms group.  With the aid of an amazing moms group, I slowly began to build new friendships, but still kept ties to all my old friends in Spring Hill.  However, as my family and I began spending more and more time with our new friends, they quickly became our extended family and their smiling faces felt like home.  

Home is more than a shelter or a place to hang your hat or a step with a welcome to wipe your feet.  A true home transforms into a warm place when you are surrounded by people who love you and with those precious people, you create many cherished memories.

With my friend, Lori, moving away, I know that where ever she settles will be another home for me because a loving, warm home awaits me there.  The same will be true if and when our other friends decide to choose uproot and move away.

If my husband lost his job tomorrow and we became homeless overnight, I know I would still have a home in my heart because of the foundation my friends and family laid there.

What does home mean to you?  Tell your story to TwitterMoms. 

 Focus Features and TwitterMoms have teamed up to create a fun contest around their new movie premiering this month called “Away We Go.” A heartfelt comedy directed by Sam Mendes and written by Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida, Away We Go follows one couple’s quest to find a place they can call home 

To participate, simply write a post on your own blog sharing what “home” means to you!  For more information, click here.

Constantly telling your story is an addiction.  We can always find someone who agrees with our story – if they don’t, we stop calling them!  It is not until YOU get really bored with your story that you have a real opportunity to change what doesn’t work.

The first thing you need to do is ZIP IT!  Stop telling your story.  No one cares and besides even though they are listening, they are humming a tune while you are talking.  You are also not doing your friends and family a favor by “pretending” to listen.  Tell your friend, “I am here for you but as your friend I am not going to listen to the same thing you have have told me again and again.  If you want to tell me something different, then I will listen.”  Remember, the more you tell your story, the more hard-wired it becomes!  It has a life of its own and is addicted to drama.  I know you may think you are your story – but you are not your story!!

Always remember it is not about a right or wrong way – it is about the way that works for you.  If constantly re-hashing your tale of woe works for you, have at it, but if it suceeds in making you feel powerless, a victim of circumstances and absolved of all personal responsibility for the life you have created, then you might consider zipping it. 

This is the lesson I had to learn.  We all have to learn it and we all do it wrong until we do it right. 

Constantly telling your story is an addiction.  All heroin addicts feel a sense of relief when they shoot up.  It is a feeling similar to taking the lid off the pressure cooker followed by a numbness, only to begin again.  It relieves the pressure for the moment but the feeling is short-lived. It is like thinking we are moving forward when we really have one foot tied to the ground.  We are moving all right , but in a circle – going nowhere.  The never-ending story is bad for you and very unattractive to others.

The best things friends and family can do for another is to say in a loving and compassionate way, “I know you are hurting and I am here for you, but I have realized that I am doing you a disservice by listening.  The more you tell your story the more hard-wired it becomes and the more you believe it to be who you are.  If you want to tell me something new, I am all ears, but if you are going to tell me something you have already told me before, I am not going to listen.  And by the way, I would like you to do the same thing for me.”

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.