Are you and your partner compatible but have no sexual chemistry? If you are struggling with this issue, you are not alone. My experience is that all great relationships have both chemistry and compatibility.

1. If you feel this is a problem, it is. Ignoring it makes it worse.

• This problem does not go away, not matter what excuses you make or how much you want it to disappear.
• Actually, over time, it gets worse.
• Neither chemistry nor compatibility is able to hold the relationship alone

1. You are not being selfish to want both.  You deserve it.

• Ask yourself:  Do I deserve to have both a best friend and a lover in the same person?
• And mostly, do you deserve love?
• You need to answer yes to this question.

1. You cannot talk yourself into chemistry or compatibility.

• There is only one thing sadder than two people who have good sexual chemistry yet can’t seem to be good friends, and that is best friends who just don’t have that sexual chemistry.
• Oftentimes, best friends stay together and deny their sexual nature.
• Resentment usually builds over time.

1. When you have both, the relationship grows in a healthy way.

• All healthy relationships have both chemistry and friendship; this is what allows the partnership to grow and flourish.
• The only way to make-up is with friendship and chemistry.
• Chemistry draws us back to other person even when we are angry and friendship makes us glad we got over our differences.

    5.  This is the cycle and both are needed to complete the circle.

• We are hard-wired for chemistry and your hard-wiring is connected to another’s hard-wiring.
• Respect creates compatibility and sustains it.  Without respect, compatibility goes.
• Compatibility nourishes chemistry and chemistry enlivens compatibility. 

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Starting a new relationship and afraid of making the same mistakes again? If you don’t learn from past experience – what’s the point? As all of us know, there is no end to the number of times we can keep making the same mistakes. Learn how to stop what doesn’t work!!

1.  
   1. Accept responsibility for EVERY relationship you have ever been in.
      • None of this 50/50 BS. Take 100 percent responsibility and you will take back 100% of your power.
      • I had a moment of enlightenment many years ago when I was getting out of a major relationship. My friends agreed with me that he was so shallow and I was so deep (ah…to have good friends); a real mismatch. But my realization.. was that for the time we were together we were a perfect match. My stuff overlapped his stuff and that as much as I complained about his ability to be intimate, if I could have really done it, (be intimate), I certainly wouldn’t have stayed with someone who couldn’t as long as I did.
      • YOU are the one constant in every relationship you are in.
   1. Do not have “overlap relationships”. You need time to process feelings and information.
      • The absolute worse thing you can do when getting out of a relationship, is to quickly get in another.
      • You need time to process; to figure out what went wrong, what was good, what was bad. If you don’t spend this time you will never be able to learn from your mistakes.
      • You also need time to grieve. Even if you are glad to be out, don’t forget, you had hopes and dreams and none of them are going to happen. There’s a certain sadness when dreams don’t come to fruition.
   1. Do not rationalize. If it doesn’t feel good, it probably isn’t.
      • Do you pay attention to the red flags or do you just ignore them because you have an agenda (to be in a new relationship) and don’t want to be thrown off course?
      • Remember – What is in darkness is going to come to light eventually.
      • Be brave. Deal with your feelings even though feeling them might scare you. It’s all coming out. It’s just whether it comes sooner or later.
   1. Spend time alone. Unless you can be alone, you will never have healthy relationships.
      • Spending time alone, being able to enjoy your own company is the key to all good relationships.
      • Do you like your own company? Are you afraid to be alone?
      • If the answer is yes – that is exactly what you need to do.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Do you lie? Do you know that the focus of lying is never about the lie, but about the person telling it?  Things You Need To Know About Lying: 

1. Lying has nothing to do with the specific lie being told; it has to do with a person’s character.
   • Lying is NEVER okay. 
   • Ask yourself – If you told this person the truth might he make a decision other the one he is making?  When your objective is to deceive or withhold information from the other person in some way, you are lying.
   • Check out Sisela Bok, 1978, Lying, Moral Choice in Public and Private Life. (Clich here to learn more about lying)

1. If you excuse lying sometimes, you will continue to lie.
   • Do not excuse lying.  You tell yourself you do not want to hurt her feelings, but in the end, you end up hurting her more.
   • Sometimes it is difficult to tell another how you are really feeling, but at this point it is merely a communication problem.
   •  Learn how to be authentic and at the same time take into account another’s feelings. 

1. When you allow lying in your life, you lose your dignity and self-esteem.
   • We ALL know lying is bad, a sign of weak character. 
   • When you lie, only you know that; and you suffer from a lack of self-esteem and self-respect. 
   •  You cannot have real relationships without dignity and self-esteem.

1. Lying creates secrets and secrets isolate people from one another.
   • Lying is a betrayal between two people and deprives the person being lied to of making decisions based on the truth. 
   • We all deserve the right to decide for ourselves what is best for us. 
   • Without honest and accurate information, we cannot do that.

1. Lying destroys love.
   • This says it all.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

How many times have you said or heard, “I will never change.  I like myself exactly as I am.” The willingness to change is essential to love and happiness and without it, we stop growing.

1.  Change is always about you, not the other person. When you do it for someone else it never works.

• So often we “change” to please another person not understanding that the change will be short-lived at best.
• The only time change works is if it is really what we want to do.
• It has to come from very deep inside and there needs to be a firm resolve. That resolve is what keeps you going during the hard times and doesn’t allow you to give up.

2.  Unless you are willing to change what doesn’t work you will keep getting the same results. All behavior has critical mass and momentum.

• Remember, time does nothing but pass.
• Things that are bad get worse over time, so anyone who says, “Let some time pass and things will get better”, didn’t know what they were talking about.
• The longer you behave in a particular way, the more energy is behind that way of being. Dysfunction stuff becomes automatic as time goes on.

3.  Change needs to resonate as true for you.

• You know you need to change regardless of what anyone else says. 
• Ask yourself the question: If I was all alone on this universe would my behavior be attractive to ME? Be honest. Are you attractive to your Self?
• If the answer is “No”, then you need to change.

4.  Change is an opportunity to grow and stretch and makes you feel good about yourself.

• If you don’t change and grow, what are you doing on this planet?
• If you think it is to keep making more and money, you are mistaken.
• Remember, an authentic life is different than a successful one.

5.  You can decide whether you want to be around someone who refuses to make changes.

• I had a client tell me that her husband said he would never change and that he liked himself just the way he was (with bad behavior and all). I told her that just like he had the right to decide so did she, and that she could decide whether or not she wanted to be around someone who didn’t want to change.

 In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Is anger ruining your life and your relationship? The truth about uncontrollable anger is that it is really a cover-up for deeper feelings.

1.  Anger is not a “real” emotion. It is what results when we refuse to feel what we are really feeling.

• Anger is a reaction, it is what happens when we don’t deal with the real feeling, whatever those might be.
•  It is a defense against feeling.
• The moment you FEEL, the anger stops.

2.  Anger is sadness flipped upside down. It is always about a loss, an unfulfilled expectation.

• If I ask someone who is angry, “What are you really feeling?’ – the person usually starts to cry.
• Feeling the sadness makes us feel soft and eliminates the hardness of being angry.
• The minute you feel, you stop being angry.

3.  Anger wrecks havoc on your body and weakens your immune system.

• Anger and stress break down the immune system.
• We come apart from the inside out; the body being the last place we display the dysfunction.
• So many diseases of the body are really diseases of the heart.

4.  Anger destroys self-esteem, self-respect and relationships.

• Being angry all the time makes you feel bad about yourself.
• Anger is by definition “holding on”; you are stuck.
• Being stuck makes you immobilized, unable to get out of your own way so that you can move on.

5.  Only through feeling – what we are afraid to feel – can we move through anger.

• Unless you are willing to feel, to be real, you can never move through anger
• This means having to face your fears and being brutally honest with yourself.
• You need to stop projecting your stuff on to others and step up and take responsibility for your feelings.

 In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Are you killing your relationship by constantly talking about it?  If you’re talking your relationship to death, learn how to stop talking about your life and start living it.

1. Constant discussion is an addiction.  This has nothing to do with the relationship.
   • Constantly talking about the relationship becomes a substitute for actually living one. 
   • Constant discussion is an addiction and keeps you anesthetized.  When you stay focused in your head, rather than your heart, you are always one step away from connecting. 

     2. Stop calling family and friends to gain consensus for your point of view.

• Are you doing this?  Be really honest with yourself.  When you are always giving your point of view and have the need for someone to agree with you, this has nothing to do with feeling right and all to do with wanting to be right.
• Gaining consensus for your point of view is all about the ego.  The truth is you feel bad and are looking for the person on the other end of the phone to make you feel good.  This is simply a momentary high and will not last very long before you have to pick up the phone and call someone else.

     3. Do you feel rejected if you do not get the answer you want from   your    partner?

• Is it okay to discuss differing points of view and not be invested in getting the other person to see it your way?  Can you be with someone who sees it differently than you do?
• This does not mean you put up with behavior that is disrespectful or objectionable, but rather that you do not “try” and change someone else.
• People change because they want to change.  Simple express how you feel and see what the other person does.

      4. Do you need to know where your partner is all the time?

• Constant “relationship” talk is always about insecurity and often results in having to know where your partner is at every minute. This behavior is very unattractive and ultimately will destroy the relationship.

      5. Do you get anxious when you think of being alone?

• If you cannot be alone, cannot enjoy your own company, you can never have a healthy relationship. 

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

1.  First, look realistically at the time frame. Has enough time passed for the two of you to really know one  another?

• Oftentimes, our own insecurity makes us jump the gun.
• Commitments build naturally as we get to know one another and getting to know another person takes time.  That does not mean you have your own personal boundaries and timelines. If you feel the relationship is not deepening as time goes on, you have the right to say, “This is not working for me. It seems like the things we want are different. I wish you best but feel it is time to go our own separate ways.”
• In the final analysis, commitment making has nothing to do with “feeling” committed.

2.  If you want a commitment in order to live together, do not live together until you have one.

• Once you live together, backtracking is always difficult.
• If you feel you have been with the other person long enough and the relationship is not deepening, living together is not going to make this happen.
• If you are not 100% sure of this relationship, do NOT live together.

3.  There is nothing more stressful than moving out of the house you are living in (it’s not your house), and that is what you will be doing if you move into someone else’s place.

• Even though you can do it, it gets tedious after a while and wears you down.
• How do you feel packing up your stuff and leaving the house you have been calling your home?
• How  any times will you do this until you learn not to?

4.  Never threaten or give an ultimatum. People do not love from a place of fear.

• You may get a commitment if you give an ultimatum but it will never be the commitment you want.
• Real commitments come freely, unsolicited, and with great love.
• Real commitments come without asking.  A client once asked me if I would ever ask for a commitment and I said I would rather jump from the balcony. Asking for commitment is like asking to be loved. You deserve to be loved simply because you are loveable.

5.  Accept the truth whatever it is.

• Either someone wants to be with you or they do not.
• It’s really this simple. And what makes it even simpler is for you not to want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with you.
• Accept what is and carry on with dignity and self-respect.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Guest Post by Barbara Lopez – ” The Elevator Pitch Coach”

When was the last time someone asked you, “What do you do?”, and you promptly…drew a blank.  You KNOW what you do, but the challenge is taking everything that’s great about you and what you have to offer and condensing it down to a quick answer, wouldn’t you agree?

Many people avoid networking with people because of this very reason. Professionals often tell me that they don’t actively attend networking functions because they feel like they “don’t get anything out of them”. The biggest reason they may feel this way is because they don’t have an effective 30-second elevator pitch or verbal commercial.

This can be solved with one piece of action: being prepared with a clear, concise 30-second elevator pitch. Putting in even just a little bit of preparation before hitting your next networking function or opportunity does wonders for how effective your elevator pitch will be. This is especially crucial when you’re giving your elevator pitch in a “round robin” situation, introducing yourself to an entire room at once, like at a group function (Chamber or leads group function).

The very first thing you want to do is determine what your goals are for your elevator pitch. But what should those goals be? Allow me to share with you the four most important goals of an effective elevator pitch:

Make a good impression. If you’re attending a networking function to promote your business and make new contacts, you are investing not only your time, but sometimes your money (if there is a cost involved). The quickest way to make sure your investment works for you is to make a good impression. If you’re doing this in a “round robin” situation, and it’s your turn to give your elevator pitch, all eyes and ears are on you. This your chance to show that you are professional, approachable, and most of all an expert at what you do. Although sometimes it feels like an eternity, 30-seconds really does go by in a blink, so you really want to wow the room, and leave them with a great impression of you and your business.

The same can be said if you’re talking to someone in an individual one to one greeting, or even by introducing yourself over the phone.

Be clear and concise. The fastest way to making a good impression is making sure people understand who you are and what you do. Your language should be simple and easy to understand. You should be right to the point, and not leave anyone scratching their heads with confusion. Sticking to 30-seconds is extremely important as well, and will naturally show people you are able to explain what you do concisely. A typical 30-second introduction is usually only between 50 – 75 words. Take a look at your elevator pitch – is it within that timeframe, and is it easy to understand what you do?

Attract the audience/person to want to know more about what you have to offer. Again, you only have 30-seconds to pique interest, so you want to review the content of your elevator pitch and make sure that you’ve given them enough to want to know more. You can do this by simply having a call to action towards the end of your elevator pitch. A call to action simply means giving the audience/person something to do to get more information.

When giving your pitch “round robin style”, maybe you want people to come speak with you, or see a sample of your work following the meeting? Your goal should be to encourage conversation with people after the function. Will it happen every single time? Probably not, but if you have a great reason for people to approach you, your chances are higher of making a connection.

When giving your pitch in a one-to-one conversation, you want your elevator pitch to encourage the person whom you’re speaking to to want to know more. Their next question should be, “How do you do that?”. This opens up the conversation further, and allows you more time to explain the various services/products you have to offer.

Stand apart from your competition. If you’re attending a networking function, chances are there will be other people in the room who offer similar products or services as you, which is why it is critical to stand apart from your competition. There are many ways to do that, but the biggest one is just showing up with a professional elevator pitch (chances are, your competition won’t)! Think about who your competition might be, determine what the focus of their potential elevator pitch might be, and then make sure your elevator pitch rises above anything else.

The same can be said about a one-to-one introduction. When you introduce yourself, the other person will automatically think of someone else who does what you do – we can’t help it, it just happens. That’s why it’s even more important to be sure you don’t even give them the chance to do that. Instead, you need to immediately state why you’re different from your competition within that 30-second elevator pitch.

Whether you’re actively attending networking functions where you’re speaking to a group or just mixing individually with professionals, it’s important to go in with an effective elevator pitch. Using these four goals to focus on while working on your elevator pitch will set you on a focused course, and your time and effort for attending the function will be much more rewarded by filling your database with new contacts.

Don’t allow yourself to draw a blank when someone asks you what you do. Show up prepared, make a good impression, introduce yourself with a clear and concise 30-second elevator pitch, attract the audience to want to know more, and stand apart from your competition. You can do it! Now, go out there and knock their socks off!

Barbara Lopez, “The Elevator Pitch Coach” with Brightfarm Introductions, helps business professionals introduce themselves with high impact. Everything in business STARTS with an introduction. If you’re ready to learn how to introduce yourself and your business professionally and comfortably, visit Barbara at www.brightfarm.com. Be sure to sign up for free weekly tips on how to keep your introduction fresh.

Like this article? Barbara will be a guest on the From Bright to Brilliant Radio Show this Sunday, July12th @ 9PM EST.

Listen live @ www.blogtalkradio.com/taigoodwin

Register here for a reminder and replay link.

As “The Career Makeover Coach”, Tai Goodwin is on a mission to help ambitious individuals reinvent their professional lives by centering on their passion and purpose. Holding as a core belief that we are all called to divine purpose and gifted with a unique passion, Tai uses a results driven, spiritually grounded approach to help clients create career paths to support the lifestyle they desire. Whether it’s helping people go from embittered to empowered professionals or making the transition from employee to entrepreneur, Tai is committed to helping clients tap into their own potential for brilliance. Tai has been empowering others through teaching and coaching for over 14 years. A gifted and insightful communicator, Tai holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Drexel University and a Master of Science in Education from Capella University. She has completed ASTD’s (American Society for Training and Development) Coaching Certificate program and is pursuing professional coaching certification through the International Coach Academy. Originally from Philadelphia, Tai currently lives in Delaware with her daughter. She is currently working on her first book: Reclaiming Your Brilliance: Seven Ways to Take Your Life from Bright to Brilliant.

Web site: http://www.careermakeovercoach.com

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