Stumbling upon quaint mom and pop shops makes visiting small towns a real treat and Black Bear Books in Boone, North Carolina is no exception.  

After freezing our snowballs off snow tubing, Allan and I decided to warm up in a bookstore that touted “FIREPLACE” on its marquis.  Sipping hot chocolate next to a fierce fire while reading a local newspaper seemed like a delightful way to defrost.

Upon entering the bookstore, we were surprised by its large stature.  At the back of the store, the girls quickly located the children’s section complete with stacks of award winning literature, a train table and wooden puzzles. 

In such a cozy atmosphere, we found it all too easy to settle into this homey bookstore.  Once we found the regional children’s literature section and a collection of the owner’s son’s favorite books, the girls and I swayed in wooden rocking chairs as we read books from each collection. 

The owner, Karen Walker, welcomed us into her second home with free hot chocolate for the girls and coffee for Allan.  Her hospitality warmed us better than the fireplace. 

Ms Walker shared some of her favorite children’s books with the girls and her own life’s story with Allan and me.  We enjoyed a brief history lesson of her family and the remarkable journey that brought her to settle in Boone. 

Allana curled up in the corner of the children’s stacks reading book after book while Emmalynn played with the puzzles and I snuck away for a few minutes to explore the adult fictional regional section since I prefer bringing books home as souvenirs rather than t-shirts or trinkets. 

While exploring the store, I discovered the employee’s favorite picks, which included some of my favorite reads, such as Pillars of the Earth and Wicked.  Meghan, a young sale associate, offered a brief description of some of the other books spotlighted on the shelves and explained that Ms. Walker holds a contesteach month to see which employee’s picks sell the most books. By choosing Tom Robbins Jitterburg Perfume, we helped one associate get a little closer to winning the prize. 

I returned to the regional fictional literature to continue my hunt for a book set in the Appalachians.  After reading the titles and their summaries over several times, I found one that offered just the scenery I craved: Cataloochee. 

For the girls, I grabbed the Appalachian ABCs and coincidentally, Emmalynn and Allana both selected regional books as well.  Allana chose Jack and the Dragon, which tells the adventure of an Appalachian folk hero.  Emmalynn picked Blue Bowl Down.  Its lovely sing-song pattern deserves a banjo accompaniment.

Ms. Walker continued to pour the hospitality along with the coffee and our visit at Black Bear Books lasted nearly two hours.  So taken with Allana’s love for reading, Ms. Walker offered her a free copy of one of her many Magic Tree House Books and Allana chose Magic Tree House #17: Tonight on the Titanic.

As we wrapped up our visit at the register, Allana noticed Ms. Walker’s collection of gems.  Allana expressed her love for rocks and Ms. Walker insisted that we pay her friend, Doc, a visit at his gem mine before we left Boone as most of the gems proudly displayed in her case came from Doc’s Rocks Gem Mine.  Excited about the prospects she would find there, we promised to take Allana the next day upon Ms. Walker’s recommendation.  To hold them over until then, Ms. Walker gave each girl a gem, however, Ms. Walker and our experience at Black Bear Books was the most precious gem we uncovered that day. 

 ***Photo of Karen and Chris Walker and their son, Caleb, was borrowed from The Mountain Times.***

For years, I have coveted over a platter that hangs in my friend’s kitchen.  Her young child’s precious handprint forms a turkey in the center with the words “Give Thanks” cascading over the top of the dish. 

I have always loved that memento and vowed someday I would take my children to a “paint your own pottery” place to create the same platter with them. 

Truth be told, I don’t have patience for paint your own pottery places.  Those places drain the life out of me.  There’s way too many color choices and way too many breakables lying about for my four year old to literally act like a bull in a china shop.  Therefore, my inability to make stupid decisions paired with my “You break it; you buy it” fear has kept me away.  I simply avoid the scene entirely and we find other ways to let our creative juices flow without shattering dishes along with our self-esteem. 

Then, last week Allana, Emmalynn and I attended a birthday party at You Do the Dishes in New Tampa.  My girls were thrilled to paint a small figurine and begged me to paint more.  Finally, I felt the inspiration to paint a handprint turkey platter.  The timing was perfect.  The staff was so helpful and hands-on that my anxiety over perfectionism and colors was greatly reduced. 

Ready to gobble up more fun, the girls were so excited to paint a dish for Mommy.  I couldn’t believe what angels sat before me.  Allana picked the colors without hesitation and Emmalynn avoided knocking over shelves of pottery.  Plus, the supportive staff helped make our handprint project a success. 

A few days later, our turkey handprint platter was ready.  I couldn’t wait to see how it came out!  I finally possessed my own precious timeless piece to hang in my kitchen! 

And then, my heart sank.  A large crack appeared down the center of the platter.  My precious turkey dish was now trash. 

I began to feel sorry myself and whined about not having a turkey platter for Thanksgiving.  I had waited years for this dish and now it seemed I was the real turkey. 

The owner explained that occasionally the heat in the kiln will causes pieces to crack and she reassured me I could make another at no additional cost. 

Even though I could easily make another, could I replicate the whole experience?  Would my children be as willing and well-behaved as before? 

Then, I realized how ridiculously shallow I sounded.  It’s just a dish. 

I should be thankful that my children have hands to make turkey handprints. 

I should be thankful that I can even afford to make this dish when other families lack food for their dishes. 

I should be thankful that I have a car to drive to pottery place and a home for us and all our belongings. 

I should be thankful that I have two healthy children and be grateful for every moment we spend together even when they drive my crazy. 

I should be thankful for my health and my husband’s health. 

From this experience, I was grateful for my cracked dish and the lesson in humility it gave me.  Like the dish, my life is not perfect but it’s full of many blessings.  So, for my husband, my two beautiful girls, the occasional cracked dish, the handprints and marker murals on walls and the many other messy blessings in my life… 

I give thanks.

Do you constantly think about the past or fantasize about the future? If you do, you are missing the ONLY way to have a great life – living in the present moment.   When you live in the past or the future:

1. You are always in your head thinking, never just experiencing the moment.

• Thinking your way through life, you have kept the energy above the neck, and it needs to be below the neck, in the heart.
• When the mind is quiet, the heart opens. (In other words, when you stop thinking, you automatically end up in the present moment.)
• Only then, can you experience joy.

   2.  Thinking keeps you one step away from the action.

• The action is the moment, the present moment.  There is nothing else.
• Anything else is either the past or the future.
• Remember, even when you go to the past or the future in your head, you are still thinking in the present moment.

   3.  Fantasizing is different than actually doing something about your dreams.

• There is nothing wrong with planning for the future; that is very different than feeling your life cannot begin until some future date.
• We fantasize instead of do.  Step up, be present, and start doing things that will build your future. 
• If you are WAITING for something to happen before you will feel good, even if that something comes, it will never make you feel good for very long. 

    4.  Always talking about the past keeps you stuck and fearful.

• We keep going to the past because we are immobilized.
• We may rationalize that the future is scary but that is only because we refuse to accept the present moment and make the required changes.
• Memories are wonderful but they do not substitute for a life today, right now.

     5.  Know that the future is nothing more than the present projected forward.

• I often have clients that wonder what the future will be like. I tell them that if they do nothing different than what they are doing today, that what they have at this moment will be their future.
• Look at today.  It’s your present moment but a month ago it was your future in the making. 
• At every moment you are living out your destiny (what you have created in the past) and at the very same moment you are creating your future by how you deal with what has come to you.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Do you constantly think about the past or fantasize about the future?  If you do, you are missing the ONLY way to have a great life – living in the present moment.  When you live in the past or the future:

1. You are always in your head thinking, never just experiencing the moment.

•       Thinking your way through life, you have kept the energy above the neck, and it needs to be below the neck, in the heart.  When the mind is quiet, the heart opens.  Only then, can you experience joy.
•       Thinking keeps you one step away from the action.  The action is the moment and anything else is either the past or the future.
•       Remember, even when you are in the past or the future, it is thinking that is taking place in the present moment. (The koan of living in the present moment)

1. Fantasizing is different than actually doing something about your dreams.
   • There is nothing wrong with planning for the future; that is very different than feeling your life cannot begin until some future date.  If you are WAITING for something to happen before you will feel good, what you are waiting for, even if it comes, will never make you feel good for very long.

1. Always talking about the past keeps you stuck and fearful.

•       We keep going to the past because we are immobilized.  We may rationalize that the future is scary but that is only because we refuse to accept the present moment and make the required changes. 
•       Memories are wonderful but they do not substitute for a life today, right now. 

1. Know that the future is nothing more than the present projected forward.

•       I often have clients that wonder what the future will be like.  I tell them that if they do nothing different than what they are doing today, that what they have at this moment will be their future, the same way today was last month your future. 
•       At every moment you are living out your destiny (what you have created in the past) and at the very same moment you are creating your future by how you deal with what has come to you.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

“Have a lot of time to kill? Take on a love project and share the great moments of doing something special together.”

Are you bored of having a lot of time in your hands and not knowing what to do with it? The both of you might have watched all the movies in town and been out to all the restaurants. Things can be boring if you have nothing to do, but you can also utilize this time to do something exciting and something that will bond the both of you together.

Planning It

First of all, the both of you will never be interested in doing this. One of you would rather laze than be busy doing something, so make sure you’re the one who’s going to initiate a project. It could be painting your room, a simple table stand or an ant farm, or maybe even a tree house! It can be really exciting to do this, and once you get all the things you would need, you can rest assured your partner would join you in your little project. It is really exciting once you plan the whole thing out and get the work rolling.

Doing It

Once you’ve racked your brains and got the blueprint laid out, its time to get into action. Start working one step at a time, and give yourself the required time to do it. Say, three or four weekends. The both of you might start slow, but once you’re in the groove, this can be really enjoyable and can help the both of you bond a lot better.

The Romantic Touches

This is the best part of a love project – the touch of a romance. Compete with each other, kiss and help each other. Take a break together and grab a sandwich. Laugh about the way each of you look, with paint across your cheeks and glue in your hair. And as you complete your project, add a few romantic touches to it by maybe signing te finished project or by adding a few personal details that could remind you about the times you shared while doing this project even after many years.

Remember, it’s not the outcome of the project that matters the most, it’s the memories that the both of you would share while doing the project that matters. And more than anything else, it’s about your ability to work together as a team and the sense of accomplishment that comes from doing something together, a good love project!