I manage the personal trainer education for a high-end fitness chain.  At big meetings we sometimes do an “ice-breaker” called “Can you top this?”  The idea is simple…you have to tell a fact about yourself that is very impressive.  The one that is so impressive that nobody else can top it is the winner.

It usually it starts with someone saying, “I scored 45 points in the Pee Wee League Basketball Championships” or “I had a growth that looked like Richard Nixon removed from my backside“. 

I love this game!!  Typically I lay in wait and then when I’ve heard from everyone, then I jump in with, “Well, I was in labor for FOUR DAYS!!”.  Invariably ooohs and ahhs ensue and as impressive as the Nixon growth is, I usually win. 

(Although there was that one time one of the managers had been shot in the neck and still had some bullet fragments in there.  Okay, so she won that one. In the “Can you top this” hierarchy gunshots to the neck beat prolonged labor) 

But usually I win.  Because it’s kind of hard to top that. 

Especially when I add in in that I was doing “natural childbirth” up until the bitter end (when I had to have a highly unnatural c-section under general anesthesia).

It’s funny when you’re in shape and pregnant everyone on the planet tells you that “you’re so fit, you’re just gonna pop that kid out“.  It doesn’t necessarily work that way.  I’ve known fit people who were in labor forever and deconditioned women who practically delivered in the car on the way to the hospital — and vice versa. 

The point that is from the very start, NOTHING can prepare you for motherhood.  It’s kind of like going to Paris.  People describe it, you’ve seen photos, you have ideas about what it will be like in your head …but until you get there you don’t know diddly.

In fact, I was so completely ignorant that I actually wrote a four- page “birth plan” describing this peaceful, granola-crunchy, zen birth.  I don’t know who coined the term “birth plan” (it had to be a man or a woman who had never given birth).  Whomeever it was — they need to be seriously bitched-slapped. 

The very phrase, “birth plan” is an oxymoron.  There is stuff you can “plan” for — and then there is “birth” which does what it damn well pleases, dragging your clueless ass along for the ride.

And things continue on from there.  You’ve heard about the sleep deprivation, but until you have a kid you really don’t understand what that is.  I thought, “Sleep deprivation?  Get real!  I’m a personal trainer, I get up at 4:30 or 5:00 everyday anyway.  I’m already sleep-deprived.  What’s the difference?”.  

Well, the difference is as a mom you’re getting up every 2 or 3 hours round the clock to feed and change a tiny, little, defenseless person whom you’re terrified of killing accidentally. “Watch his neck!!” “Don’t drop him!!” “What was that sound he made?!” “Is he breathing?”. 

You just get through the trauma of delivery and then it hits you — that was just the beginning of the job and you have no idea how to do this. And that’s the truth.  No matter how many babies you’ve been around, or how many siblings you have — it’s different when its your own. 

It’s on-the-job training like you’ve never experienced.  To give you some idea of how psychotic I was…I used to imagine my infant son singing that old jingle for The Army, “we don’t ask for experience…we give it!…You won’t read it in a book…you’ll live it!”

 But you do learn…day by day they teach you, you make your mistakes and you adjust.  At about five weeks you get that first real smile, the one you know wasn’t “just gas” and it sinks in– okay there’s a huge upside here, too. 

And before before you know it you’re the veteran.  Talking to your pregnant girlfriend on the phone (as you change a diaper with one hand) giving advice to the “newbie” …and laughing inwardly as she tells you about the “birth plan” she just wrote.  

Happy Mother’s Day!  Sending lots of love to my Mom — and all the other amazing moms out there!!
Geralyn Coopersmith, MA, CSCS is an exercise physiologist, certified personal trainer, author of Fit + Female:  The Complete Fitness and Nutrition Game Plan for Your Unique Body Type and the creator of The Best Me Ever, a comprehensive weight loss and wellness system just for women.  It’s a first of its kind program designed to fit into a busy women’s life.  Lose weight and look great — 90 Day Unconditional Money Back Guarantee!!

Yesterday was supposed to be a “power” day for me. I had back-to-back meeting scheduled on either side of my hard-core workout at Burn 60. It was pretty much the perfect day from a planning point of view.

Then our nanny called in sick.

Although my husband offered to change his plans so that we could cobble together shared childcare for the day, something made me instead send him to work and cancel my plans for the day in exchange for the opportunity to be a weekday mom.

It was raining, so my little one put on her new rainboots and jacket, and we grabbed our umbrellas and spent most of the day walking around the block jumping in puddles.

The day was exhausting, as it always is with a 3-year-old, but it was also exhilarating to be able to change my plans for the day and, in an instant, spend it instead with my daughter. What is most important to me is remembering that the reason I am self-employed – the reason for all of the work and effort I put into my business – is to maintain the wonderful option of being able to drop (almost) everything for a day when the mood strikes.

The other night I was at a professional group with other coaches and noticed an interesting chain of events:

1. I told a man what I do professionally
2. He nodded, understanding
3. I mentioned that I have a 3-year-old
4. He looked confused; asked whether I “work, too”
5. I was taken by surprise and got a little flustered; tried to explain that I am both a “full-time professional” and a “real mom” (whatever that means!)

This isn’t the first time I have noticed myself struggling to describe the balance of my professional status and motherhood. I know that full-time moms struggle with the reverse of this situation. I am still working on the best way to present my work/life situation – a way to accurately describe that I am both a professional and a mom.

Any ideas that you have would be greatly appreciated!

“I don’t know if I want to be with Zeus,” I say.

“If you don’t want to, then don’t,” my mother replies.

But it’s more complicated than that, and I tell her why. I tell her that I really do what to be with him – a lot - but I don’t know how. I tell her that I’ve been sabotaging the relationship, and I don’t know how to stop. I confess everything, and feel the weight dissipate.

“You do look for problems,” she says. “You push things too far. You test people too much. That’s not good. So now you need to figure out if you’re going to mature and grow up or not.”

I’m silent because normally my mother tells me how great I am, how I can do no wrong, and how all men suck. It is the Gen Y parenting creed. But tonight, I am not so lucky.

“Why do you think you’re picking fights?” my mother presses. “You must be doing it for a reason – a lack of confidence in yourself, or in him?”

I concede that I don’t feel like my life is together enough to be in a relationship. And that I’m worried Zeus will sell his company, get rich and dump me. Or we’ll get married, live happily and divorce at the age of 40. Or that he won’t remember to suggest we eat something when I’m moody. Because I get cranky when I’m hungry.

These are the things I worry about. I am a woman. And this is what we do.

Women need constant reassurance, and the only way we know how to get it is to fight, and push buttons, and push past the buttons all the way to the brink of breaking up, so we can see – will he be there then?

My mother argues men can deal with this at first, but it adds up and is like a brick falling from the sky each time. It builds and it is cumulative and eventually they have a wall, and they think I don’t need this. I don’t need to be unhappy, nothing I do ever works or helps, and I can’t make her happy. This isn’t the way I want to live, men think.

And there’s a limit to what a man can take, my mother says.

“And you – ” she continues, “you need to live for today and for you. You can’t know the future. And nothing about your past relationships is pertinent for today. You have to resist the urge to fight. Resist the urge to be angry in an instant over nothing, resist pushing to the breaking point constantly.”

Careers are like this. Maybe you have an idea, or you really want something, or all of your dreams are suddenly within reach. But you make up excuses of why you can’t get there. You prove every hypothesis on why it won’t work. You extrapolate the worst. You don’t call people when you should. You think less of yourself than you used to. You ask others to comfort your decisions. You trip over your own accomplishments just to see – are you on the right path?

Lucky for you, careers are often just as forgiving and patient as men in the beginning, but you have to grow up for continued success. You have to mature before the wall seems insurmountable.

“It is work,” my mother concludes. “It’s a lot of work. But if it’s truly in your heart, you have to do that. You have to work to make it happen.”

Motherly advice.

Rebecca Thorman (www.modite.com) gives career advice for the next generation of workers. Barely out of college, Rebecca job-hopped her way to becoming the Executive Director of MAGNET, an organization dedicated to attracting and retaining young talent in her region. During that time, she also began authoring the blog Modite, featured in several media outlets including the New York Times as the key community for Generation Y leadership. Rebecca is known for writing candidly from experience.

Barrington, NH: The down-turned economy has left many small business owners wondering what the future holds for them.  The fear of losing their business has encouraged several mom entrepreneurs to look for opportunity while others cut spending and layoff employees.

Thirty inspirational women will be highlighted over a period of 30 days on The Mom Entrepreneur blog <http://www.themomentrepreneur.blogspot.com> , which offers tips, advice and resources for balancing motherhood with running a company. These mom entrepreneurs’ stories demonstrate how these amazing women have decided to make “lemonade from lemons” using a little creative ingenuity.

“I have received dozens of emails from mom entrepreneurs all over the country telling me their “glass is half-full” stories,” said Traci Bisson, owner and founder of The Mom Entrepreneur <http://www.themomentrepreneur.com> .  ”From Misty Gibbs, owner of My
Inspiration Lounge whose vision is to “help women feel empowered, especially during this time, so they can take control of their lives and become better prepared for future downturns,” to Sarah Laufer, owner of Play Outdoors whose business launched in 2008. Laufer has decided to focus on “being who we are and continuing with our goal of creating a place where parents and kids are encouraged to get outdoors”.

These women and 28 more will be featured in a 30-day inspirational story marathon starting November 15 and concluding on December 14.

Mike Michalowicz <http://www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com/author/index.php> , author of “The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur” (Obsidian Launch, LLC, 2008), in a guest post for The Mom Entrepreneur said “so here we sit, as entrepreneurs, on an economy that sucks. It will either revive over the next year or two or even perhaps die. But one thing for sure, it will get worse before it gets better. And it is now, right in this moment, that it is the best time to
start a business.”

The 30 stories in 30 days marathon will highlight mom entrepreneurs who also feel that now is the best time to start or grow a business because even in a sour economy lies optimism, promise and positive change.

To learn more about The Mom Entrepreneur and to follow the 30-day inspirational story marathon, visit www.themomentrepreneur.com.

About The Mom Entrepreneur:
Traci Bisson has been a mom since February 2000 and an entrepreneur since August 2000. Eight weeks after she returned from maternity leave, the company where she had been employed for five years went out of business. She decided to try doing her own thing and failed miserably. After another year of working for two different companies (the first laid off the department she worked in and the other was showing signs of going under), Bisson
decided to try entrepreneurship again.

Raising her two children and growing her first company, Bisson Barcelona <http://www.bissonbarcelona.com/> , an image management and high visibility PR firm, have been both challenging and rewarding.

Bisson started The Mom Entrepreneur in April 2008 as more of a hobby. She began blogging about her challenges and successes. That same month, she sent a query out through two news channels looking for tips on balancing family and business in order to generate some additional content for her blog. Bisson anticipated she would connect with a few other mom entrepreneurs, interview them and post their stories on her blog. In less then 48 hours she had received 400 emails with more then 1,000 tips from mom entrepreneurs all over the world.

From that point, The Mom Entrepreneur started to grow. The company added The Mom Entrepreneur Support Group
<http://themomentrepreneur.wordpress.com/support-group/>  in June, which now
has over 225 members who discuss everything from potty training to how to use Twitter.

Bisson’s story has been told in dozens of publications, including the Associated Press <http://www.bissonbarcelona.com/PDFs/WP_press.pdf> , National Federation of Independent Business (NFIB.com)
<http://www.nfib.com/object/IO_32411.html> , Women’s Business Boston Journal
<http://www.seacoastonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080427/BIZ/80427
0319/-1/rss50> , Plan Ahead Get Ahead (cover story), Union Leader
<http://www.bissonbarcelona.com/PDFs/UL_press.pdf> , The Portsmouth Herald
<http://archive.seacoastonline.com/2005news/12022005/business/75996.htm> ,
Our Times <http://portsmouthnhemployment.com/2002ourtimes/6_1k_ot.htm>  and
Seacoast Ventures
<http://www.seacoastventures.net/entrepreneur/0107ent.html> .