Wednesday Inspiration #20

Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways; where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses. – Arlen Price

The definition of excuse is “to explain (a fault or an offense) in the hope of being forgiven or understood.” Don’t be fooled into letting your excuses masquerade as reasons why you shouldn’t take the next step in creating the career you want.

Find yourself making excuses? Trying to explain your lack of interest or motivation as if you are at fault? Dig deeper and take a look at your true desires. Are you really willing to take the next step on the path laid out before you? That unwillingness you feel may be an indicator that you are about to step into something that’s not truly meant for you. That you are about to walk a road that leads you away from the core of your purpose.

And don’t confuse unwillingness with fear.  A willing heart is subject to fear no matter how willing it is and requires commitment and courage to move forward despite the fearful feelings.

Publicly, your excuses masquerade as logical practical reasons for why you cannot move. Privately those same excuses become stones that weigh down your spirit. There is freedom in just acknowledging the truth: The excuses come because you don’t want to do it. Admitting that you don’t want to do something doesn’t make you a bad person, doesn’t make you a failure, and it doesn’t mean you are a slacker. You are just honestly acknowledging a truth about yourself. Telling the truth is more powerful than any excuse you can come up with. Telling the truth will liberate you. Making excuses will only add guilt and a sense of disappointment to your load. Eventually you will find your self paralyzed unable to make any decision without a sense of anxiety or overwhelming pressure. It’s why the simplest questions asked of  you can spark anger or panic.

Unless you get to the heart of why you are unwilling and work from there the excuses will keep coming. Could be that you are unwilling for all the wrong reasons. But until you address it – you will never know. Unmask the excuses, admit you are unwilling, and then deal with the unwillingness head on.

Reflection: What are you making excuses for? And why are you unwilling to move?

Definition taken from The Free Online Dictionary.

As “The Career Makeover Coach”, Tai Goodwin is on a mission to help ambitious individuals reinvent their professional lives by centering on their passion and purpose. Holding as a core belief that we are all called to divine purpose and gifted with a unique passion, Tai uses a results driven, spiritually grounded approach to help clients create career paths to support the lifestyle they desire. Whether it’s helping people go from embittered to empowered professionals or making the transition from employee to entrepreneur, Tai is committed to helping clients tap into their own potential for brilliance. Tai has been empowering others through teaching and coaching for over 14 years. A gifted and insightful communicator, Tai holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Drexel University and a Master of Science in Education from Capella University. She has completed ASTD’s (American Society for Training and Development) Coaching Certificate program and is pursuing professional coaching certification through the International Coach Academy. Originally from Philadelphia, Tai currently lives in Delaware with her daughter. She is currently working on her first book: Reclaiming Your Brilliance: Seven Ways to Take Your Life from Bright to Brilliant.

Web site: http://www.careermakeovercoach.com

A friend on twitter asked me to explain what the difference is between life coaching and therapy or counseling.

Here is my take about the differences, along with some interesting  data I gathered online.

Coaching does not focus on “why,” but on  “what now?”  The life coaching process shifts obstacles into plans and goals.  Always looking forward instead of analyzing the past.

Coaching is a good fit for a goal-oriented person who prefers to take responsibility for their processes and outcomes.  Coaches work with “highly-functioning” people.  Meaning the assumption is that the client is healthy, willing and fully capable of achieving their goals.  Clients who are looking for guidance and motivation.

Clients who do NOT perceive themselves in need of therapy may be more inclined to see a Life Coach, preferring a coaching model to a therapy model.

A Life Coach works closely with you to map out a game plan for creating what you want in your life.  A Coach stays with you throughout the process to guide you, create actionable plans, break down what holds you back and motivate you to move forward.  With life coaching, you will not analyze the past, but looks toward the future to figure out what to do next.

With a Life Coach, you will:

• Develop a Step-by-Step Plan of Action

• Focus on Future Goals, Not Past Issues

• Explore What Holds You back

• Celebrate Results

Differences Between Therapy and Life Coaching

Therapy

• Assumes the client needs healing

• Roots in medicine, psychiatry

• Works with people to achieve self-understanding

• Focuses on feelings and past events

• Explores the root of problems

• Works to bring the unconscious into consciousness

• Works for internal resolution of pain and to let go of old patterns

Life Coaching

• Assumes the clients is highly-functional

• Roots in business and personal growth venues

• Works to motivate people to a higher level of functioning.

• Focuses on actions and the future; goal-orientation

• Focuses on solving problems

• Works with the conscious mind

• Works for solutions to overcome barriers, learn new skills and implement effective choices

Comparison Source: Hayden, C. J., and Whitworth, L. “Distinctions Between Coaching and Therapy.”

Shann Vander Leek is the Founder of True Balance Life Coaching and Co-founder of Seize True Success. She is a Coach Training Alliance certified professional coach, and certified yoga instructor. Shann is a prolific blogger, published writer and co-author of the Best Selling Book – Wake Up Women BE Happy Healthy & Wealthy. Shann’s personal style and direct approach have guided and inspired many in overcoming personal and professional challenges. Her background in sales, marketing and client development, along with leading a talented sales force for many years prepared her for the business of professional coaching. Shann inspires women in transition to create balance in their lives through personal coaching, yoga and creative expression. Telephone and email consultations make her accessible to clients all over the world. To find out about her Coaching Programs for Women, call Shann at 231.668.111 or visit www.truebalancelifecoaching.com

Sometimes the process of getting things done is so overwhelming. It is especially hard for me when I have a lot of little things to do. It just feels all to easy to procrastinate on them since they are each individually so small.

This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense when you consider that the best way for me to tackle big projects is to break them down into a lot of little steps. I think the difference must lie in the perceived payoff. A large job simply has a higher perceived value than a little one. This is why when you’re tackling something large, you break it down into manageable pieces so that you don’t become overly anxious about the end goal.

But what do you do when you have lots of little things to do that don’t individually have a large payoff? How do you maintain motivation when there is no clear glory upon completion of your mini-tasks?

The psychology of delayed gratification is pretty clear: it’s much harder to achieve long-term goals than it is to achieve short-term goals that have an immediate benefit. Health is the most obvious example. That hour that I spent in the gym yesterday is just part of the daily health activities that I need to undertake to maintain a healthy body. But it’s not as if I come home and my cholesterol levels and pant size have instantly dropped. In fact, with health, most of the time the small steps that we need to take can be a little painful at the time and/or immediately afterward.

So – back to reality. Today I have a lot of little projects that simply must get done. None of them have an immediate payoff, and they aren’t particularly enjoyable. To handle this, I’m going to plan a mini celebration when I have completed them. I’ll go outside and sit in the sun and remember how grateful I am for the life that I have and the opportunities I face.

Let me know if you have any other ideas!

Upon reading my posts, you may have gathered that I am a highly motivated, goal-oriented person.  My friends and loved ones will attest to the contagiousness of my energy and enthusiastic spirit.  My positive attitude combined with strong ambition fuel my ability to accomplish my goals and dreams. 

This past weekend, my family and I went to my nephew’s 2^nd birthday party.  An old friend of my SIL’s also attended the party.  She has been training for triathlons some time and I was excited to pick her brain about our shared interest in the sport. 

I proudly told her about my latest endeavors and she snidely remarks, “Those aren’t real triathlons.  If you aren’t swimming 2 miles and feel like you are going to die, then you’ve not done a real tri.” 

Talk about crushing someone’s spirit!  That’s like telling someone who runs 5K, “You’re not a real runner unless you run a marathon.” 

Even in my shock, I scripted a pretty decent rebuttal.  “I believe a triathlon is defined by completing 3 physical activities: swim, bike and run.  If we went around the room and polled everyone, I think you would find everyone’s response to include those three things.  And, yes, technically it is only a sprint, but it feels like a REAL triathlon to me.  And despite what you may think, I do feel like I am going to die during and after, but I love it!  It’s not about the distance for me, but the challenge and trying to compete against my own time.” 

With a stunned expression, she replied “Well, I compete against myself as well, but I don’t event like triathlons.” 

“Then, why do you even do them?” 

“I do them because my friends convinced me to do it, but I don’t like them.” 

“So, you caved to peer pressure?  Interesting.” 

The longer I spoke with her, the more my blood began to boil.  I realize I am no Hollie Kenney, but I do best and I am damn proud of what I do!  The other athletes I have met at the various races have been so supportive and encouraging.  My friends and family applaud my achievements and in turn, I celebrate their hard-work too.  Where did this chick come off? 

To avoid an ugly scene turning even uglier, I took a few deep cleansing breaths and escaped to the patio to discuss politics with my BIL.  Discussing Obama over a beer would make me feel better.