I went out into my backyard today to look at my crop of Indiana Tomatoes.  I was quite disappointed to find that they still have not ripened.  The weather has been very cool this year and that means the tomatoes ripen more slowly.    I am losing my patience because I want vine ripe tomatoes NOW!

Ironically,  I came into my office to open an email from one of our newest clients.  He and I are meeting for some one to one coaching around his DISC profile, he is a high D and likes results, NOW.   In his email he stated “Please send me the roster of current and past participants, so that I may have 2 referral partners identified by the time we meet.” Oh if it were only that easy!

Unfortunately,  the key to developing strong strategic relationships with a referral partner is patience.  Like my tomato plants there is more  involved than just sticking the plant in the ground and telling it to produce.   Your referral network must be nurtured, tended to, and supported.

Here are four keys to developing a strong referral network and growing good tomatoes

1. Identify the right kind of person to build the relationship with.  Just as choosing  the right kind of tomato plant is important,  you need to know what kind of referral relationship you want.  You can have contact sphere relationships that will yield lots of little incidental leads that can keep you very busy, kind of like the little cherry tomato plant that will give you bowls full of tomatoes quickly, or you can have a full fledged referral partnership that will yield larger, proactive,  high value referrals.  Similar to the the Big Boy tomato plant.  They take longer to grow, but well worth the wait.

2. Understand that time and consistent nurturing is required.  You can’t  just throw the plant in the ground and expect tomatoes to spring forth.  The same holds true for your referral relationships.  The relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust, understanding, collaboration and educations.

3. There has to be give and take in the process.  The tomato plant needs care, water, and plant food in return you get juicy red ripe tomatoes for all of your efforts.  When you give to your referral network they will in return give to you, if you consistently take with out giving eventually your network will wither and little or no fruit will be provided.

4. Diversity is important, this year I planted one kind of tomato, so of course I am still waiting.  If you plant a variety of tomatoes; plant some cherry tomatoes who will yield great flavor quickly,  as well as the slow growing variety that give your the bigger more flavorful fruit later in the year.  Your referral network can be built with a variety of relationships.  Those who will give you leads to follow up on while you are waiting for those that will give you the quality of referrals that will allow you to work smarter not harder.    Those little tomatoes will keep you fed until the big ones are ready!

Over time and with the right work, you can have  consistent quality referrals coming into your pipeline from a well nurtured network.  Remember, like the tomato plant, it takes time and work before you realize the fruit of your labor.  Be patient and don’t try to rush the process!

Hazel M Walker, owns three award winning franchise’s. She is a 10 year owner of two BNI Franchises where she teaches members how to leverage their time and network to build each others businesses. She is also a Referral Institute franchise owner and teaches Business Owners how to harness the Science of Referrals to develop Referrals for Life. Hazel is a published author in New York Times best sellers Masters of Networking and Masters of Sales. As a member of the National Speakers Association she travels the world speaking to businesses and women’s organizations on the topics of networking to create a life you love.

Over the years I have developed a pretty deep network and one of the things that I spend a lot of time doing is up dating my database.  In the process of doing that this week I noticed that my strongest referral relationships are with guys.  So I began to think about that, why are there more males in my strong contact network instead of women and here are some of the things that I came up with.

When I sit down with a guy to build a referral relationship the conversation tends to be straight forward.  When I ask the question, “What can I do to help you grow your business?”  They almost always have a response.   They let me know exactly what it is I can do; “You can help me get more speaking engagements” or “If you do a newsletter it would be great if you would let me put an article in it.”

On the other hand if when I sit down with a female referral source and ask the same question I am often given this response; “I can’t think of anything but if I do I will let you know.”

Women seem to be challenged at knowing what they need and asking others to help them.  We feel that we cannot ask others to do things for us.  After all, have been raised to believe that it is our responsibility to take care of others, we do things for our spouses, our children, our family members even our co-workers.

One of the tough things for women to do it is ASK for what they want, clearly, succintly without guilt.  It is something that we really must learn if we are ever going to be good at leveraging our networks.  Keep in mind, we are not going to ask anyone for anything that we wouldd not do in return for them if they would ask.

Take a moment and ask yourself the following questions:

1.  What 2-3 things could I ask others to do to help me?  If you know in advance what kinds of things your networking members can do for you it will be easier for you to ask them when you are sharing a cup of coffee.

2.  List 3-4 people you would like to meet or be connected to.  Your network members are happy to connect you if you ask for someone specifically instead of “Anyone who needs my services.”  These might be professionals you want to add to your network, possible referral sources or potential clients.

3.  Make a list of the 4-5 people who might be willing to help you.  Most likely these are people in your network whom you have a relationship with.  They are people whom you are also willing to help if they ask you to.

It is important that you ask for what you want, there are members of your network who are more than happy to help you but they will not figure it out for you or take the initiative.  Our beliefe that “If they like me or if I do a good job for them, they will help me, refer me or connect me” hurts us.  We get what we ask for, if we wait for people to help us it may never happen.

Hazel M Walker, owns three award winning franchise’s. She is a 10 year owner of two BNI Franchises where she teaches members how to leverage their time and network to build each others businesses. She is also a Referral Institute franchise owner and teaches Business Owners how to harness the Science of Referrals to develop Referrals for Life. Hazel is a published author in New York Times best sellers Masters of Networking and Masters of Sales. As a member of the National Speakers Association she travels the world speaking to businesses and women’s organizations on the topics of networking to create a life you love.