Tag Archive | "Sex drive"

Dating After Divorce – Don’t Date From the Sidelines

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Dating After Divorce – Don’t Date From the Sidelines


My client Maribeth has been dating Ben for 6 months. I hear from her frequently with questions and updates on how things are going. She just went away for their first weekend trip and they really got along and had a wonderful time together. That’s good news!

But not good enough perhaps. Seems Ben just doesn’t have the affectionate nature that Maribeth desires. He’s honest, straight forward, has a good sense of humor, a strong sex drive, is generous. But Ben only rates a “C” for affection.

Are You Waiting or Creating?
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more affection. But what surprised me is what Maribeth was doing about creating this. NOTHING. She’s WAITING for Ben to be affectionate rather than initiating some affection herself. I asked her, if you want to hold his hand, have you simply reached for it? She said, “No.”

Dating Protocol
Let’s get clear about dating protocol. After six months, you are not dating any more. You are in a relationship. All that holding off, holding back, letting the man lead stuff softens with time. Often women start initiating and the power balances out. So if you want to initiate a weekend trip, golf lessons or sex, why not affection too?

If You’re in a Relationship, Be IN it
Turns out Maribeth has been totally letting Ben lead. She has not shifted into relationship mode but remains stuck in dating. Maribeth is in her relationship, but hanging out on the sidelines. She’s still observing and critiquing. It makes sense to keep your eyes open, but what happens when you continually view your situation from the outside? You cannot be in two places at once. So Maribeth lives her relationship from the sidelines. That is not the smart way to go.

Jump In
My suggestion as a dating coach? Jump in and get into the relationship. As an example, if you are at a dance, you can’t experience the fun if you waiting alone on the edge of the dance floor. You want to be in the thick of the whirling swirling bodies, shaking and bobbing to the music. That’s where it’s happening. And the same thing is true for relationships.

I suggested to Maribeth that if she wanted a kiss, ask for one. Or lean over and kiss him. If she wants to hold hands, just do it. If she wants to snuggle on the couch while watching TV, move over and snuggle up. Don’t over do it. You don’t want to crowd or smother they guy. But when you want some affection, get it started. Sometimes men are relieved and pleased when they don’t have to start everything.

Move On If It’s Not Right
If you are a woman who has been dating your guy for over six months, admit you are in a relationship. If it’s not the right relationship, then move on. If you are uncertain about the rightness, the best way to really know is to pretend you are happy, then see what happens next.

When you hold back and watch from the sidelines, you will never really know how you feel. That’s because you are not really involved. A man can sense when you hold yourself separate. And if he is serious about you, you will make him wonder about your intentions. That’s not what you want is it?

Give Him a Shot
If the man you’re dating is a good man, you have enough in common, you seem to want the same things out of life and you enjoy each other’s company, then open your heart and let him in. Jump into the middle of the dance floor of life and stop waiting on the sidelines being cautious. While I’m a big believer in being smart, there is a time and place for everything. Give the guy a real shot at making you happy to experience the full potential of what the two of you can have together.

Discover 5 Big Turnoffs that Drive Men Away and 7 Surefire Ways to Make Men Want You by Ronnie Ann Ryan, The Dating Coach. Get her FREE ebook instantly, at http://www.MANifestingMrRight.com. Ronnie found love and married after 40 and knows you can too! She’s helped over 1,500 people jumpstart or accelerate their search for love. People fall in love every day. You could be next!

Ronnie Ann Ryan - EzineArticles Expert Author

Posted in Divorce, Relationships, Work/LifeComments (0)

My Menopause Memoir

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My Menopause Memoir


Since September is Menopause Awareness Month, I thought I would share my own menopause memoir to commemorate the month.  I should warm my male readers that this post will contain information about my girlie parts, hormones and my periods menstrual cycles.  If you are squeamish of such topics or simply just not interested, then now would be a good time to click away.  However, if you stick around to read my post, you may learn a little more insight to the baffling female species.

Before children, my cycle was 21 days, but at the age of 34 after the birth of my second daughter, I began to have irregular periods.  For some cycles, my period would arrive 6 weeks later.  As you can imagine, these irregular period patterns would cause me to think I was pregnant, but then my old reliable Aunt Flo would finally arrive. 
About two years ago in the midst of this new pattern of irregular menstrual cycles, I became pregnant.  Unfortunately, the pregnancy was not viable and I lost my baby at 10 weeks, which was my first miscarriage and my first experience with all the awful symptoms that occur as a result, such as severe cramping and weeks of very heavy bleeding. 
Then, almost a year later to the date, I experienced another episode of severe heavy bleeding, which I thought I was another miscarriage.  I took a pregnancy test which read negative, but I doubted the accuracy of the test and tried 2 more tests which also read negative.  I began to think there was something more serious happening with me and I made an appointment with my obstetrician.

When I visited my OB, a number of tests were performed on me: a pregnancy test, blood work and an ultrasound.  As the other pregnancy tests already demonstrated, I was not pregnant.  Thyroid was also ruled out.  Nothing irregular showed up on my ultrasound.  So, what could be wrong with me? 

That’s when the nurse practitioner revealed to me news I was not ready to hear.  “You are experiencing pre-menopause.” 

*Freeze frame for dramatic effect and insert tragic climatic music.*

 

According to my NP, my heavy and irregular periods could only be explained by perimenopause.  It would not affect my ability to get pregnant, but simply my biological clock ticking and reminding me to get cracking if I want more children.

After I left the doctor’s office, I researched pre-menopause and I even recalled a show that Oprah did years ago about the topic.  When the episode aired, I remembered thinking what an unfortunate situation for these women in their thirties to face.  Who knew I would be one of those women? 

    
As I read the symptoms of perimenopause, it became a checklist for all my bizarre ailments over the past 2 years, particularly an increase in allergies and insomnia.  Even my poor sex-deprived DH would attest to my change in libido. 

Upon my research, I also discovered that perimenopause can occur 5-15 years prior to the onset of menopause.  I recalled my mother’s menopause experience.  My mother went through her change when I was teenager.  When I did the math, I realized my mom could have very well been my age when her symptoms of perimenopause surfaced.

As with everything else, diet and exercise seem to be the key to ward off the symptoms of perimenopause.  At the time of my menopause manifestation, I consumed a lot of Diet Dr. Pepper, so my first course of action was to replace my daily dose of diet soda with green tea.  I began to eat more flax seeds and other foods with Omega-3.  I added soy milk and soy beans to my diet.  I also limited my morning coffee to one cup.  I increased my number of work-out days from 3 days a week to 5 days. 

Within a week of changing my diet and increasing my exercise, I felt remarkably better.  My energy levels rose and my sleeping patterns improved.  My menstrual cycles became more regular and my menstrual flow gradually decreased.

It has been a year since my menopause manifestation.  By simply changing my diet and increasing my exercise routine, I feel I have found my own Fountain of Youth.

Posted in Health, Highlights, Parenting, Pregnancy, Relationships, Work/LifeComments (1)

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  • Bizzy Women aims to bring high quality information together in one place to empower busy professional women. Topics include investing, finance, work-life balance, parenting, and everything in between.

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