One of the worst things that ever happened to women was the logic card.  We rate, we debate and we rationalize whether or not we should even bother with him.  What we’re forgetting- what we forget, consistently- is there are so many un-plucked, good guys that could be the answer.  Not Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Hello.  Mr. Nice to meet you.  Has Hollywood really destroyed your sense of romanticism and given you such unreal expectations that you’ll never take less?  Less is more, when you want a relationship.

Of course, you can wait for Brad Pitt…if you’re Jolie-equese.  If you’re one of the normal, average (yet beautiful) people you’ll need to start opening yourself up.  To possibility.  How much time are you wasting- and aging- by going through a negative list of how he doesn’t measure up?  It’s tiring and it’s an absolute waste of time.  He’s in your circumference if you look.  A friend, a colleague, the man who always remembers your favorite magazine in the shop.  The neighbor who always opens the door.  The mailman that puts  your letters priority.  Available, attainable men.  Good men that are waiting, in the back of their minds, for you.

The chase, the run, the capture all look great on paper.  But when it comes down to it, are you really seeking a manipulator and a man that’s unreliable?  Really?  That’s the movie man:  he woos, he enjoys himself, he disappears.  He isn’t anywhere near stable.  He’s a manicorn- what you think you want, until you have him.  And then he’s simply messy.  Emotionally, physically and slightly destructive to you.  The golden guy, the elusive you’ve been looking for, already belongs to you.  He’s there.  Attentive.  Ready to jump, if you just say the word.

The only thing holding you back is fear.  Of refusal, of the dreaded ‘no.’  Take a moment to reflect, breathe, and ask him out.  The worst that can happen is that he says ‘I can’t…’  The best, on the other hand, is that he can and will.  Guys have been living in this tenuous place of possibility since they carted around clubs.  By taking the chance, by getting outside of your dating box, you’re empowering yourself.  He’ll love you for it, and so will you.  The new feminism is making and acting on choices that make you happier.

It’s a proven fact that the best first dates are walks, without the intensity of staring.  They’re also so much safer for both parties:  you chat, listen and generally have the opportunity for touch.  If you want.  But on your terms.  You can get a coffee, go for a wander and have an amazingly romantic time of it, without feeling like you’re on a Real Date.  Ladies, you are selling yourselves so short by limiting the playing field.  By running (and screaming) from making an attempt.  And by closing your head to the full team of the interested, with petty and odd personal rules.

He’s out there.  Waiting.  Isn’t it about time you got out there, too?

I’ve worked hard over the past two years to change my image. I used to dumb myself down, play my looks up. It was easier that way. I didn’t have to buy any drinks in college, for instance. That was my brand, an image that wasn’t who I was or wanted to be. But it worked, so I kept on.

Until my boyfriend told me I wasn’t interesting enough. Until I came home from a meeting one day, furious for not speaking my mind. Until I had one scary frickin’ visit to the ER. Yeah, those life-threatening events, they’ll get you every time.

I sat down to think about who I really was, proceeded to have a quarter-life crisis, and made some tough decisions. They weren’t decisions that were visible. I didn’t quit my job, or become celibate, or move across the country to pursue reality television. But I did slowly, painfully, change and start to brand myself differently.

Personal branding is your personality, who you are as an individual and “the sum of other brands that you either own, work for or touch in some distinct way.” It’s about being you, and marketing the heck out of it.

You, who is reliably manipulative, can’t make a commitment if your life depended on it, and won’t go to bed until you clear the next level in your video game. You, who is only working until you have a baby, hopefully two, so you can stay at home and take care of your family. You, who works eighty hours a week and must separate your jelly beans into color-respective piles before eating.

Branding is marketing those very gems of your personality. That’s not hard to do. Just be yourself. If you’re acting like someone you’re not, then it will come back to haunt you, like when the infatuation wears off in a relationship, and it is at that moment your girlfriend finds your box of hair-regeneration pills in your underwear drawer. Whoever you are, it’s really hard to change, so you win by just being you from the start.

And sometimes, inevitably, you lose. Like this guy.

Branding is inextricably linked to accountability. If you do a good enough job of marketing yourself a certain way, people will start to believe you. So much so that when you mess up, or step out of your brand, it will make others uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t worry too much about this. Instead, focus on how you define accountability and your own comfort level with your actions.

Our lives are out in the open for all to see. Who you are at your job is who you are at the bar is who you are at the gym is who you are during sex is who you are at the company picnic is who you are at, well, you get the idea. Politicians do cheat on their wives. CEOs are bad parents. Artists are erratic friends. So, what? They’re good at their passions, and at the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can in the circumstances given.

Your image reflects on your company, friends, and family. You, however, need to be accountable to yourself first. If you’re dancing on the tables at the bar, and worried about getting caught, either you have something personally wrong, or you need to find a different job that accepts your lack of inhibition. If your Facebook photos might get you in trouble, take them down, or decide you want to work at a place where they don’t care about that sort of thing.

The lines between work and play are increasingly blurring, and if you’re one person during the day and a different one at night you have to be proud enough to market the heck out of it. If you’re not comfortable, you need to learn more about who you are. You are in control of your brand.

My mother used to tell me, “Remember who you are,” whenever I left the house. People with integrity and confidence don’t worry about “getting caught,” because they know who they are. They know that dancing on tables is acceptable to them, or that their Facebook pictures show another layer of their onion. And if it’s not okay to them, they act accordingly.

In summary, to rock the branding/accountability boat:

1. Know yourself.
2. Be yourself.
3. Love it.
4. Repeat.

By the way, I still enjoy receiving free drinks, because I’ve realized I’m okay with using my looks… Sometimes.

Be yourself, or perish, yo.