Did you both agree that you’d be a stay-at-home mom and now your husband tells you “You have it easy?” Do you feel you do “everything” around the house and feel resentful because of it?

1. Did you both decide you would stay home and raise the children and he would have a job outside the house?

• If you both decided on how you would divide the duties in your house, why are you now having these issues?
• Just because a woman agrees to take care of the children does not mean she will take care of everything. It also does not mean that she can be financially irresponsible and not know what she has and doesn’t have.
• And just because a man makes the money, does not mean that he is not part of taking care of the house and children.

2.  Both partners do different jobs during the day, but at day’s end, both are parents and both are responsible for the life they have created.

• Expressing gratitude for one another’s contribution is the key to a strong, healthy relationship. 
• Does your husband value what you do as much as he values what he does?
• Are you secure in what you do and do you feel like an equal partner in the relationship? 

3. Does your husband or partner tell you “You have it easy” and do you defend your position?

• If you feel you are doing your job, never let anyone tell you that you have it easy; and never defend yourself.
• When your partner says that to you, he is either being critical or resentful; he is not sharing his real feelings with you.
• If one partner is resentful, it will erode the relationship. 

4. Does the moneymaker have the power in your relationship?

• It’s unfortunate, but making money seems to often take precedence over doing good work.
• Do not feel controlled because you do not make the money.
• If you feel powerful in your position, you will not allow yourself to be diminished.

5.  Do you feel that what you do is as important as what your husband does?

• You need to feel good about what you do. If you feel your contribution is less than your husbands’s or feel you are afraid to work for a living, you will always be in a one down position.
• Knowing you can take care of yourself, gives you the power to do whatever you want and feel good about it.
• Remember, no one can ever make you feel less about yourself unless you feel that way already.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Do you keep breaking up and then getting back together? How many times have you done it? Be honest. If you’ve done it more than once, you are most probably addicted to the drama. Ask yourself these important questions:

1. Do you have the same arguments each time you break-up?

· Do you keep fighting about the same stuff? The day may be different, the circumstances not exactly the same, but the fight is still about money.

· If you closed your eyes, would this be the same argument you had yesterday? Are the words the same, the complaints the same?

· Do you find yourself getting angrier and more frustrated each time you fight? This means you are repeating yourself.

2. Do you take responsibility for any of it or do you think it is your partner’s problem?

· It takes two to do this dance. If you are dancing, you are part of the problem.

· Step up. Look at yourself. What are you doing to keep this going? What are you getting out of this?

· Until you take FULL responsibility, not half – only then will you begin to makes the changes you need to make.

3. Are you willing to do the work to change or do you just want to talk about it?

· Changing takes hard work and is initially uncomfortable. Unless you are brave enough to look at yourself, nothing will ever change.

· Constantly making excuses about your relationship is draining and depletes your self-esteem.

· Getting consensus for your point of view only serves to gratify your ego and does nothing to change your problem.

4. Are you addicted to drama?

· OK. Here’s the big one you need to honestly answer, and the way to truly get the right answer is to look at your life straight on.

· Do you have constant drama in your life? Because if you do – you are addicted to it.

· Your life doesn’t cause you have to have drama – it is just a life, no better or worse than anyone else’s. How YOU interpret your life, how YOU deal with it, that’s what determines the kind of life you have.

5. Are you getting weary?

· Constant breaking-up and getting back together is tiring.

· You lose your confidence and self-esteem. You keep saying you are going to do something and you don’t do. This has far-reaching effects and permeates every part of your life from your job to your relationship.

· You don’t look good and you don’t feel good. Look yourself in the mirror and have yourself a good talking to.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.