Did you both agree that you’d be a stay-at-home mom and now your husband tells you “You have it easy?” Do you feel you do “everything” around the house and feel resentful because of it?

1. Did you both decide you would stay home and raise the children and he would have a job outside the house?

• If you both decided on how you would divide the duties in your house, why are you now having these issues?
• Just because a woman agrees to take care of the children does not mean she will take care of everything. It also does not mean that she can be financially irresponsible and not know what she has and doesn’t have.
• And just because a man makes the money, does not mean that he is not part of taking care of the house and children.

2.  Both partners do different jobs during the day, but at day’s end, both are parents and both are responsible for the life they have created.

• Expressing gratitude for one another’s contribution is the key to a strong, healthy relationship. 
• Does your husband value what you do as much as he values what he does?
• Are you secure in what you do and do you feel like an equal partner in the relationship? 

3. Does your husband or partner tell you “You have it easy” and do you defend your position?

• If you feel you are doing your job, never let anyone tell you that you have it easy; and never defend yourself.
• When your partner says that to you, he is either being critical or resentful; he is not sharing his real feelings with you.
• If one partner is resentful, it will erode the relationship. 

4. Does the moneymaker have the power in your relationship?

• It’s unfortunate, but making money seems to often take precedence over doing good work.
• Do not feel controlled because you do not make the money.
• If you feel powerful in your position, you will not allow yourself to be diminished.

5.  Do you feel that what you do is as important as what your husband does?

• You need to feel good about what you do. If you feel your contribution is less than your husbands’s or feel you are afraid to work for a living, you will always be in a one down position.
• Knowing you can take care of yourself, gives you the power to do whatever you want and feel good about it.
• Remember, no one can ever make you feel less about yourself unless you feel that way already.

In a national competition, Chandra Alexander, MSW, was selected by THE OPRAH MAGAZINE as the Life Coach to deliver a series of coaching sessions to the grand prize winner of their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest. She also spent five years on NBC/TV “DAYTIME” giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Chandra has been living and teaching authenticity for the last 30 years and is the founder of Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.

Recently, cnn.com/living reported that a growing number of women are choosing to leave the workforce to become stay-at-home wives.  Good choice, ladies!  I applaud your decision and raise my margarita glass to you! 

In the 1960s, our mothers and grandmothers fought for our right to choose a career path fitting to our needs and free from the constraints of society’s expectations or demands.  Almost fifty years later, we can choose to stay home to maintain a happy home and raise a family without shame, criticism or question.  Even though the pay stinks and vacation time and sick days are an absurd notion, many of us refuse to hang up our aprons any time soon.  

As the article reports, some women have the option to stay at home with their decision having little or no financial impact.  As in my case, my husband’s salary covers all of our household expenses and I feel fortunate to have the opportunity and choice to be a stay-at-home mom  Domestic Diva.

Even once my children are in school full-time, I have no desire to return to teaching, but my professional skills are by no means “wasted” as I apply those skills in all aspects of my life as a stay-at-home mom.  The skills acquired during my teaching career are utilized when managing my moms group and raising my children.   Essentially, I teach children all day long.  I also dust off my teaching tools on days that I volunteer at my daughter’s school.

Even the women in my moms group tap into their professional skills as SAHM.  In her former life as an administrative assistant, Erika adopted the most amazing organizational skills.  Those skills play into her stay-at-home career as she generates and maintains filing systems for every project in her life.  Perhaps, if Erika does not return to work, she should offer how-to organizational work-shops in between pedicures and household chores.

However, stay-at-home wives have an advantage over stay-at-home moms.  A stay-at-home wife has the luxury to focus on her own needs and personal goals, whereas stay-at-home moms often find it difficult to put their needs first.  The needs of a stay-at-home mom often fall behind the needs of her children and her husband, and therefore her personal goals are put on hold.   

When choosing to trade your paycheck for an apron, there are two important points to consider: lack of income and lack of adult interaction.  While in the workplace, you are accustomed to having frivolous spending money and a disposable income. Upon entering the world of domestic bliss, the absence of an income becomes a difficult adjustment.  One less paycheck means a lot less spending.  To help with your transition, plan a budget for fun money in your weekly or monthly budget, which excludes household bills, groceries and other expenses.

Unless you prefer solitude, staying at home can be a lonely choice for some.  Although work may have caused you some stress, there were co-workers to chat with and many opportunities for stimulating adult conversation. Therefore, to keep you sane and connect with other people, join an on-line social network to find others with similar interests, such as scrapbooking or an outdoor adventure group.  Also, search for local special interest happenings related to your hobbies.  An all night scrapbooking event or a book discussion at a local coffee shop can provide a means to satisfy your craving for adult interaction. 

As for me, working was over-rated.  Sure the money was a perk, but the stress out weighed the benefit for me.  I actually prefer a pile of poopy diapers over a pile of paperwork.  These days, I have achieved a work-life balance like none other.

With parents and children fully immersed in Back-to-School mode, I think that in many cases, sending your kids off to school maybe a more dificult adjustment for you than for your children, espcially for the younger ones. I am far from an expert in these issues, but from my own personal experience, I have found that most kids aren’t as nervous about their new surroundings as their parents are.  

I came across a really interesting blog by Run DMT who wrote about her daughter going back to school: “ To familiarize her with the routine, Allana rode the bus this morning.  Emmalynn and I left a few minutes later to meet Allana at school and walk her to class, but to our disappointment, we were too late.  With all the back to school congestion, we were stuck in traffic and as a result, we missed our opportunity to escort Allana to her new classroom.  Although I was upset, Allana didn’t seem the least bit concerned.  By the time we arrived at her classroom, she had already settled in nicely.  It seems I may have been more upset than she.”

That’s my feeling exactly. I like to compare sending your kids to school and teaching them how to swim. The fact is that the old adage of ‘jump in and learn to swim’ just seems so relevent. Small children are great at adjusting to new environments, and they take to it like a fish to water.

Parents. As the first day of school approaches, take a deep breath and relax. Your child isn’t the first one to ever go to school. Everything should should go smoothly. As my sister with 4 teenagers likes to remind me: Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems. Now that’s something to get nervous about!

Aaron Katsman is Managing Editor of the Israel Opportunity Investor newsletter. He is lead portfolio manager for the Israel Growth Portfolio and Managing Director of America Israel Investment Associates, LLC. For more information, go to www.israelnewsletter.com  or email aaron@profile-financial.com.