My client Maribeth has been dating Ben for 6 months. I hear from her frequently with questions and updates on how things are going. She just went away for their first weekend trip and they really got along and had a wonderful time together. That’s good news!

But not good enough perhaps. Seems Ben just doesn’t have the affectionate nature that Maribeth desires. He’s honest, straight forward, has a good sense of humor, a strong sex drive, is generous. But Ben only rates a “C” for affection.

Are You Waiting or Creating?
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more affection. But what surprised me is what Maribeth was doing about creating this. NOTHING. She’s WAITING for Ben to be affectionate rather than initiating some affection herself. I asked her, if you want to hold his hand, have you simply reached for it? She said, “No.”

Dating Protocol
Let’s get clear about dating protocol. After six months, you are not dating any more. You are in a relationship. All that holding off, holding back, letting the man lead stuff softens with time. Often women start initiating and the power balances out. So if you want to initiate a weekend trip, golf lessons or sex, why not affection too?

If You’re in a Relationship, Be IN it
Turns out Maribeth has been totally letting Ben lead. She has not shifted into relationship mode but remains stuck in dating. Maribeth is in her relationship, but hanging out on the sidelines. She’s still observing and critiquing. It makes sense to keep your eyes open, but what happens when you continually view your situation from the outside? You cannot be in two places at once. So Maribeth lives her relationship from the sidelines. That is not the smart way to go.

Jump In
My suggestion as a dating coach? Jump in and get into the relationship. As an example, if you are at a dance, you can’t experience the fun if you waiting alone on the edge of the dance floor. You want to be in the thick of the whirling swirling bodies, shaking and bobbing to the music. That’s where it’s happening. And the same thing is true for relationships.

I suggested to Maribeth that if she wanted a kiss, ask for one. Or lean over and kiss him. If she wants to hold hands, just do it. If she wants to snuggle on the couch while watching TV, move over and snuggle up. Don’t over do it. You don’t want to crowd or smother they guy. But when you want some affection, get it started. Sometimes men are relieved and pleased when they don’t have to start everything.

Move On If It’s Not Right
If you are a woman who has been dating your guy for over six months, admit you are in a relationship. If it’s not the right relationship, then move on. If you are uncertain about the rightness, the best way to really know is to pretend you are happy, then see what happens next.

When you hold back and watch from the sidelines, you will never really know how you feel. That’s because you are not really involved. A man can sense when you hold yourself separate. And if he is serious about you, you will make him wonder about your intentions. That’s not what you want is it?

Give Him a Shot
If the man you’re dating is a good man, you have enough in common, you seem to want the same things out of life and you enjoy each other’s company, then open your heart and let him in. Jump into the middle of the dance floor of life and stop waiting on the sidelines being cautious. While I’m a big believer in being smart, there is a time and place for everything. Give the guy a real shot at making you happy to experience the full potential of what the two of you can have together.