I think far too many people begin a weight loss or fitness program with unrealistic expectations.  Men often fool themselves into believing (on some subconscious level) that a few weeks of bench pressing is going to turn them into the guy on the cover of Men’s Health.  Women, on the other hand, often think that a particular workout (such as yoga or Pilates) is going to make them “longer and leaner”.

Now I’m all for believing that great things are possible for all of us (both physical and otherwise).  But on the other hand I am also a realist.  Therefore, I always ask my clients to do an honest assessment of what fit might look like on them. 

Unfortunately, the media (women’s magazines mostly) help perpetuate the notion that if you do this workout for a month you are going to look like a particular celebrity or model.  But fitness doesn’t make people gorgeous (wise selection of parents usually does that), it makes people fit. 

For example, 8 weeks of a fitness walking program is going to do amazing things for you by potentially  decreasing: your risk of heart disease, your blood cholesterol, your blood pressure, your body fat percentage… on and on.  It will not, however, turn you into a bathing suit model.  Going into a program expecting to end up looking like Gisele by the end of it, is a sure-fire recipe for disappointment.

It is essential to remember to measure yourself by your own yardstick.  For example, if you have short legs…nothing is going to make them longer (they’d need to replace your femur to do that — sounds painful

– and messy), but exercise sure can make them leaner(which actually can give the illusion of greater length).  Likewise, if you have smaller breasts, exercise is not going give you massive cleavage (although having defined pecs actually can give the illusion of greater cleavage). 

The point is that being healthy and fit turns you into the best version of yourself.  Not somebody else.  Understand this from the get-go — embrace it and get inspired by it.  Remind yourself, you’re not aiming for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, you’re going for you looking better and feeling more comfortable in a bathing suit than you ever have before.  And (far more importantly to my mind) you are going for you being the healthiest version of yourself that you’ve been in years (maybe ever).

By starting with goals that are based around what is and what realistically could be you are setting yourself up for success and tuning out the culturally reinforced notions of what you are “supposed” to look like.   You’re supposed to look like you — only better .

  Geralyn Coopersmith, MA, CSCS is an exercise physiologist, certified personal trainer, author of Fit + Female:  The Complete Fitness and Nutrition Game Plan for Your Unique Body Type and the creator of The Best Me Ever, a comprehensive weight loss and wellness system just for women.  It’s a first of its kind program designed to fit into a busy women’s life.  Lose weight and look great — 90 Day Unconditional Money Back Guarantee!!

Penelope Trunk’s latest post on steps to figuring out your next career move only makes sense because most people don’t want the responsibility of change. They will read what she has to say, feel a bit uncertain, but will nod along anyway.

This is good for those people, most people. Most people either don’t have the balls or are not well-equipped to do what they want.

The can cross off the “career-equivalent of winning the lottery,” because that dream was making them feel anxious anyway. And while they love to write, they can see that it gives them some sort of peace to admit that they may not really love it if they never make time for it. They’re good to go with the cubicle.

This is all okay. It’s called settling. And it’s a viable option. A good one that will make you happy.

Some others, well, they’re not settling. They are different from most people. This is the group that seems to find the prize in the cereal box every time. They’re leaning into the wind and winning, and the book industry is making a good deal off the fact that most people want to be just like them.

Along with the crowd that is Oprah, I’m currently reading, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, in which the author predictably states that the book, “can only awaken those who are ready.”

It is both a shame and a triumph that the most banal statements are always the most obvious, the most difficult, and the most necessary.

The only way you can be ready is if you’re ruthlessly transparent, authentic and honest. In the book The Fifth Discipline, Peter Senge argues that a commitment to truth is a “restless willingness to root out the ways we limit or deceive ourselves from seeing what is, and to continually challenge our theories of why things are the way they are.”

This is much different than knowing that you’re afraid to talk to your crush because you have unrealistic expectations of the happy movie ending.

Rather, it’s an advocacy and inquiry that rivals trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Or if you’d prefer, finding the one good-looking guy at the bar on a Friday night.

There is a shortcut, the sound of settling. It’s comfortable like a blanket over your shoulders, spaghetti in your stomach, sex in the dark.

Settling leads to mediocrity. It’s the acceptance of the “good enough” status quo.

Successful people know that the gap between our vision and current reality “can make us feel hopeless. But the gap is also a source of energy,” Senge argues. “Truly creative people use the gap between vision and current reality to generate energy for change.”

In encouraging yourself to rely more on your concepts of reality, rather than your observations, and in discarding your dreams and goals in order to be realistic, to settle, you lose this creative tension.

That’s why Generation Y is uniquely positioned to create real change in our next career move. We’re idealistic and yet keenly aware of the world’s scorecard. We understand, as Senge argues, that “the juxtaposition of the two, the dream and the present reality, [is] the real force for change.”

Fall into the gap.